Intensity

Although I don’t often show it on the outside, I’ve always felt things pretty intensely. It can be a happy event or a sad one. But it doesn’t have to be an event. It can be a song, or a TV show, or a painting, or a movie. It can even be a commercial.

I’ve been that way all my life, and I’m finding that as I’m getting older, it is actually intensifying. That’s kind of a scary prospect for me, because sometimes these things are almost overwhelming. It’s a great big tsunami of emotion that I seem to be helpless to control at times. I’m finding it happening a lot lately with music. When we went to see “Viva Elvis!” (the Elvis Cirque du Soleil show) in Vegas a few years ago, Ken looked over at me and I had tears rolling down my face. I got choked up at “Rock of Ages.” I’ve been listening to a lot of Stones lately, and sometimes as I sing along, my voice will catch because the music has made me verklempt.

It’s an odd way to show happiness, I know. Sometimes I feel such sheer joy at things that I can feel it oozing out of my pores. It certainly escapes through my tear ducts! These intense feelings happen most often with happy things, which is good...because if the majority of them were sad things, I can see how people could get completely overwhelmed by their emotions.

Sometimes I wish that I could moderate this a little bit, and as I said, I’m a little trepidatious over the fact that the intensity seems to be...well, intensifying. But then I think that I am grateful that I have the capability to be so moved that I am brought to tears. I would much rather be this way than be jaded and cold. Not that I don’t have my moments of coldness; when I need to, I can work on the clampdown and effectively shut it down. I do this in moments of great stress, or when someone has treated me badly—or thinks that they can exert control over me and manipulate me. If you try that with me...well, good luck with that. I can be a high-ridin’ bitch when I need to be, just like Dolores Claiborne and Vera Donovan.

But most of the time, I’m just a little ol’ softie. I fully anticipate weeping copiously at the Stones concert, and I’ve warned Ken about it. In moments like that, I’m okay, nothing is wrong...I’m just caught up in the fun of it and enjoying the ride. As Third Eye Blind sang, “the four right chords can make me cry.” In my case, that is literally true. And I’m okay with it.

I have been assimilated

I’ve had a Twitter account for quite a while now, but I’ve never done much with it. It got the most activity during the primaries and election, when a group of us would get on and live-tweet the debates. It was always a blast, but other than that, I didn’t post much on there. I always intended to, and I’d have a couple of days where I’d remember to post there as well as to Facebook...and then I’d ignore it again.

That all changed this past week when I decided to put up or shut up. I started posting things fairly frequently, and although I’m trying to keep my following list on the low side, I started looking for some interesting people. I already had quite a few on there, mainly political figures, journalists, and blogger friends, but I started seeking out musicians, Walking Dead people, and others.
I’m actually having a lot of fun with it, and I’m not sure why I didn’t before. I still prefer Facebook for longer, more detailed threads (like my Dead Thread I start every Sunday night after “The Walking Dead”...must ask friends if I can import those to Twitter), but Twitter is fun for quickies. 

The Rolling Stones (including Mick, Keith, and Ronnie) have a large presence on there now as they gear up for the tour. One of my favorites is, oddly enough, Donnie Wahlberg, who posts pumped-up, positive messages like telling Monday he’s going to kick its ass, or telling his followers that only WE can change things in our lives. It is strangely endearing. And I adore Norman Reedus, who plays Daryl Dixon on “The Walking Dead.” He’s very appreciative of his fans, he’s also an artist and photographer, and posts random pictures like him holding an avocado pit in his mouth. It makes me grin. It’s an almost joyful goofiness that just makes me happy. Even “serious people” occasionally post just-for-fun stuff, and Curiosity Rover is absolutely adorable. (I’m not going to provide links to every single one of those...if you’re interested, just search for them, and look for the verified account.)

Maybe that’s what I’m digging about it compared to Facebook. It strikes me as a little more random and chaotic. It appeals to my inner anarchist, as well as to that Inner Lizard I wrote about the other day. I love the jumble of articles, nuggets of wisdom, fun pictures, bizarre pronouncements, and sheer what-the-fuckness. I’m not dumping you, Facebook, but I think we should date others. Twitter, call me later, baby.

If you’d like to follow me on Twitter: @Luvrte66

Unleash your Inner Lizard

It should come as no surprise that I’m on a major Stones kick at the moment (get used to it...it’s going to be going on for over a month), so I’ve been posting a Stones song on Facebook once in a while. The other day, I posted “Paint It, Black,” and said that was my second favorite Stones song. My friend Holly said that her favorite is “Shattered” (that is my third favorite Stones song, for the record) and it brings out her “inner lizard.”

That phrase spoke to me. It somehow perfectly describes that sort of down and dirty, raunchy, hip-swivelin’ Stones style. When the Inner Lizard comes out, shit gets real.

You know those ‘would you rather’ questions? Like “Ginger or Mary Ann?” One of the classics is “Beatles or Stones?” Of course I love the Beatles. Who doesn’t? They were my first taste of pop music, when I was maybe 5 or 6, and my Beatlemaniac sister played her records for me. But for me, it was always about the Stones. They always had a darker edge, a more dangerous, bad boy sex appeal. I was listening to their latest greatest hits CD, “Grrr!” while I was working out today, and it struck me just how many of their songs unleash my inner lizard. There is something about Mick’s voice that reaches right into the dark corners of my psyche. It ranges from a deep baritone to a raspy growl to a bedroom whisper that “it’s only rock and roll but I liiiiike it.” He’s really not even subtle about it. What part of “Let’s spend the night together” needs clarification?

Anyway, make all the jokes you want about the Stones being older than dirt, but these songs still totally trip my trigger. Young Mick Jagger was a beautiful, angelic devil (Anne Rice’s phrase for Lestat springs to mind: Brat Prince.), one who could seduce, incite, and inflame. The songs will continue to do that long after he is gone.

Of course, the Stones don’t have the market cornered on rock and roll sexyfuntimes. Remember how John Lithgow told his town that there would be no dancing because it would lead to sexyfuntimes, and Kevin Bacon was all like “Yo, dick move, bro, and I’m bangin’ your daughter” and danced all crazy around a barn and rode a tractor and then everyone made up and wore ugly tuxedos and danced all crazy some more? Anyway, John Lithgow and all those other preachermen who said that rock and roll led to “other things” weren’t so far off the mark.

Because the lyrics make you think about a lot of things. Not just sexyfuntimes, but things like inequality and revolution. Deeper concepts of the human condition. Life outside your small town. “Imagine no religion.” Experimentation, broadening your horizons, walking a mile in someone’s shoes, seeing beyond the narrow borders of your early existence. There are some people who don’t want these questions asked, and they certainly don’t want to have to answer them. How you gonna keep ‘em down on the farm, right?

Rock and roll IS dangerous. Dangerous to the status quo, dangerous to those who have a vested interest in keeping you in line, dangerous to the powers-that-be.

Once that Inner Lizard is unleashed, it’s hard to get it back under control.

It takes a worried man

Or a worried Mom, in this case.

Ken and I went down to visit my Mom today, and found her in good spirits. As always, she needed to feed us first, so we chatted while we had lunch. She admitted that she had a bad night last night and cried a lot, but this time it wasn’t about Dad...it was about my sister Diana flying to China.

Diana and her husband and a couple of friends are going with a large group to spend about a week in China. They found a good deal and just decided to do it. (There’s that grabbing life by the horns thing again...it’s the way to live!) Mom wasn’t upset about them going or anything, but hearing that the flight from New York to China (I forget which city they’re flying into) was going to be 16 hours just wigged her out. Di had texted me that Mom was pretty upset about it, so I said I’d try to talk to her about it today.

She seemed mostly over it, but I hate it that she spent several hours worrying and crying over this. I realize that she has an extreme fear of flying, and I’m certain that we’ll never get her on a plane. It doesn’t matter how many statistics we throw at her about the safety of flying, she just hears “plane” and freaks out. I told her that Ken and I were probably at greater risk of a fatal accident on our Route 66 trip than Di and Tom are on these flights. I try and try to get Mom to not fret so much about these things; she agrees in theory, and realizes that it does no good, but she keeps right on fretting.

I think when Dad was around, he was able to pull her back from such relentless worrying. She’s always been a worrier—in fact, I’d say that it runs in her side of the family—but I hate to see her crying about things like this...things that have an infinitesimal chance of happening. I admit that I have a tendency towards worrying, too, which I obviously get from Mom. But I’ve worked to moderate, negate, and deflate it by doing my best to think logically and rationally, and to work it through in my mind. If I thought about everything that can kill us out in the world, I’d probably never leave the house! I just refuse to live my life in fear, and I refuse to let such fears keep me from living a fun and full life. I wish I could impart a little of my attitude to Mom, just so she wouldn’t make herself miserable with thinking such negative thoughts. But I don’t think there is any changing her at this point, so we just have to try to talk her through it, and sometimes she just has to work through it on her own.

Something else I get from my Mom is a stubborn streak about a mile wide. Oddly enough, that seems to be enough in me to counteract the “worry gene.” As in, screw you, whatever or whoever you are, you are not going to harsh my mellow or fuck up my joy. Some things take a little longer than others, but I always find my joy in the end. (I’m now thinking of the hilarious scene in “Ted” when Mark Wahlberg and Ted sing The Thunder Song. That is very much me.)

I wish I could impart a little of that defiance to my Mom, but I know it doesn’t work that way. All I can do is keep telling her, “Mom, you can’t let these things get to you so much. You can’t let them make you this upset.” But with that stubborn streak of her own, she isn’t going to listen and take it to heart until SHE is ready!

In the meantime, I’ll be over here singing “Fuck you, thunder, you can suck my dick,” and as Devo says, “I may be worried now, but I won’t be worried long.”

What will you regret?

A Facebook friend posted this picture and quote of Lucille Ball today, and I loved it so much I shared it and am writing about it here.

It relates directly to getting the Rolling Stones tickets yesterday, but also to our broader philosophy of life. Ken and I had this conversation when Notre Dame went undefeated in football last season and were playing for the national championship. It was outrageously expensive, but Ken said, “Let’s do it. We will probably never get another chance like this.”

We talked about how we could save every penny towards retirement, but how many people do you know who finally reached retirement and then got sick, or were in poor enough health that they couldn’t travel? We made a conscious decision to do some of these things NOW rather than wait ten years from now, when Ken hopes to retire. Ken took almost a month off of work and we did Route 66; we went to Miami for a three-day weekend to cheer for our Irish; and we decided to go for it and get good seats for the Stones.

Route 66 was the trip of a lifetime for me, something I’d wanted to do for well over a decade. Although the championship game didn’t turn out the way we’d hoped, we still had a fabulous time in Miami and were happy to be there to cheer for our team. I’m sure that the Stones concert is going to be a blast, and I will probably scream and cry and be a hot mess and enjoy the HELL out of it.

We aren’t wealthy, by any means, and we do things like this within reason. But when a good time comes along, we decided to whip it...whip it good. We aren’t extravagant in our daily life, and we save our money for traveling and doing fun things like this. We still have retirement funds, of course, so I don’t think we’ll have to dine on Fancy Feast, but we’re not going to save every penny for ten years from now. I know there are some people out there who make a total career change around this age, or are just entering the workforce due to various reasons. Whatever works for you, I suppose, but I feel very fortunate and grateful that I not only got to enjoy a quarter century of a satisfying and interesting career, I was able to retire five years ago, and I’ve never missed the daily grind once. I still enjoy the subject of Microbiology and read plenty about it, but I was happy to say goodbye to the day-to-day stuff. If you’re my age and you’re just starting your career, well...have fun with that!

If we hadn’t done the 66 trip when we did, we might not have been able to do the walking and climbing we did. If we hadn’t gone to Miami, we would have looked back and said, “Damn, I wish we’d gone to that.” And if we hadn’t gone to see the Stones this time, we will probably never get another chance. Like any human being, I’ve done things in my life that I regret. But like Lucy, I don’t want to regret the things I didn’t do, miss the opportunities I might never get again, and feel that I somehow let life pass me by.

I got what I need

I was doing my Facebook thing this morning, and I’m glad I was on there, because I started seeing frequent updates on the Rolling Stones page. The Hyde Park show sold out in less than five minutes...a second show was added in Toronto...and a second show was added in Chicago. What? Had the first one sold out already? This was the presale through Citibank, so what did this bode for my chances on getting tickets when they go on sale to everyone Monday? Not good, I was thinking, so I thought I’d click through and see if I could get any further information.

Well, I’m glad I did, because it took me right to Ticketmaster and let me go through the ordering process. I don’t know if it was because it was through their Facebook page, or what, but I didn’t have to wait long and had the tickets ordered within just a few minutes. GOT ‘EM!

I got one of the ticket packages that included seats on the floor, and they were not cheap. We weren’t expecting them to be, but still...ouch! I’m happy to report that Ken is not upset with me. He understood that we were going no matter what, so he might have expected some expensive tickets! But you know, it probably really is the last time the Stones will tour. Like I told him, I hope these once-in-a-lifetime things stop happening soon, because between the Orange Bowl game and these Stones tickets, we’ve just about tapped out the vacation fund!

Anyway, the red dot in Section 3 is about where our seats should be. We’re in the twelfth row, just outside the Tongue Pit. It would have been fun to be in the Tongue Pit, but they were even more expensive, and I had to draw the line somewhere. They should still be cool seats, because the stage extends out...the guys will walk out on the rim of the tongue, so they won’t be too far away at times.

It should go without saying that I am super excited. I had an adrenaline rush going for about three hours, and finally managed to calm down. At least I don’t have to wait all summer...only till the end of May! I suspect they might add a few more shows here and there. I was surprised at the scarcity of dates originally announced, but it didn’t take them long to add two shows, and there are rumors that there will be a few more. I think the Chicago show will be the only one for us, though. We couldn’t afford another one!

You can expect plenty of pictures. I hope I can take some during the concert!

Catch-up time!

Whoops, time got away from me again, but that seems to happen frequently now. We had a funeral to go to in there, but I’m going to focus on happier things. I’ll just say that I am very grateful for a loving family.

I tweeted my previous entry, about Parental Alienation Syndrome, to Alec Baldwin, as well as a tweet thanking him for writing his book. I guess I just wanted him to know that it helped me...it helped to realize that others have experienced the same thing. It’s kind of amazing to me that someone like him, with millions of dollars at his disposal, and people like us, who don’t have those kinds of resources, could go through almost the exact same thing. His ordeal was much more public, and was fought more in the courts, but it was still amazingly similar. He actually tweeted back to me! He said thank you, and also said that if you spend millions, you can usually get rulings in your favor...but that there is no enforcement of the rulings.

Anyway, it was pretty cool that he tweeted me back. I hope that hearing that his book helped us also helped him a bit, knowing that he did a good service to all those people who have had to deal with vindictive exes who can’t set aside their anger and bitterness for the sake of their own children’s emotional well-being.

The next two things are music-related, so not so heavy! If you are interested in rock music at all, you’ll know that David Bowie recently released his first album in ten years, “The Next Day.” I liked Bowie a lot back in the day, and got to see him twice, once in Winnipeg and once in Indianapolis. I still enjoy listening to his stuff once in a while, so I was pretty excited about this new album. I pre-ordered it and got it the day it came out...and proceeded to listen to almost nothing else for the next couple of weeks.

It is FANTASTIC. Critics are saying it is his best album in thirty years. I can’t really speak to that, but I can tell you that I love it. There are pensive tracks like “Where Are We Now?” and “You Feel So Lonely You Could Die.” There are danceable tracks like “Dancing Out In Space” and “I’ll Take You There” (which is a bonus track on the deeeeluxe version). I love these lines in the title track: “Here I am, not quite dying, a body left to rot in a hollow tree.” Not quite dying, indeed, Mr. Bowie! I love the song “I’d Rather Be High,” which seems to be about young people fighting stupid wars:

I’d rather be high

I’d rather be flying

I’d rather be dead

Or out of my head

Than training these guns on those men in the sand

I’m seventeen my looks can prove it

I’m so afraid that I will lose it

I’d rather smoke and phone my ex

Pleading for some teenage sex

Yeah

But my absolute favorite is “(You Will) Set the World on Fire,” a rock anthem that showcases Bowie’s still-impressive voice. When he belts out,

You will set the world babe

You will set the world on fi-yah

I can work the scene babe

I can see the magazines

I can hear the nation

I can hear the nation cry

You will set the world babe

You will set the world on fire

You will set it on fire

...his voice just soars on the high notes, and no matter how many times I hear it, he has me punching my fists in the air at the chorus. This song gives me chills! You can hear the entire album on this video (and I recommend it highly), but I’ve tried to embed it so that it starts at the song I just mentioned. If the video starts at the beginning, the song starts at around 40:30. Turn it up!

Finally, the big announcement came today, one that was considered to be the worst-kept secret in the music world: the Rolling Stones are touring! I had originally heard that they were going to do 18 US dates, and I was hoping for a Cleveland show so we could make three days of it and see the new Stones exhibit at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but they aren’t doing that many (so far) and our closest show is, of course, Chicago. After their limited five-show tour in 2012, word was that they are still sounding great and playing tight, and they made it pretty obvious that they were having fun (not to mention making some big bucks!).

We’re going, but the question is whether I’ll be able to get tickets when they go on sale, and if not, how much will we have to pay through a broker? It looks like tickets are going to range from $185 to upwards of $600, and I’m guessing they’ll go incredibly fast. I’ll do my best to get them when they go on sale Monday morning! I’ve said for some time that I want to see the Stones one more time before I die (I saw them in ‘89 in Indianapolis), and this will probably be my last chance. I’m not getting any younger, and Mick and Keith and the boys sure as hell aren’t!

It’s looking to be a fun summer...if it ever gets here!