Monday, April 12, 2010

Mama’s got some brand new boobs

Montag No, not me. I'm sticking with the ones I've got.

When reading my "sources" today, I read about Heidi Montag's new boobs and saw pictures of her in a bikini. Apparently, she's launching a swim wear line, so maybe she can write off the new tits as a marketing expense.

I had never heard of this broad until recently, and that was because she was in the news for her extensive plastic surgery:

In addition to having 10 plastic surgery procedures performed in one day – including a mini brow lift, Botox, nose job, fat injections in her cheeks and lips, a chin reduction, liposuction to her neck, her ears pinned back, buttocks augmentation, liposuction to her waist and thighs and a breast augmentation revision – Montag recently revealed on Ryan Seacrest's radio show that she also had her "back scooped."

When asked to explain what a "back scoop" procedure entails, Montag replied, "I actually didn't know."

You know, it's probably not a good idea to have surgery if you don't even know what it is. Jeez, what a dumbass.

I guess she's some sort of reality TV star [exaggerated finger quotes] but I have no idea what show she was on, and I'm not going to Google it because I really don't care.

What I do care about is why so many people feel the need to have extensive plastic surgery. I mean, look at her before picture...she's a very pretty girl! She looks sort of genuine and natural. In her after picture, sure, she's a knockout, but I think she looks fake (because she is). I guess it depends on what you're going for, and how much money you have. And maybe your level of self-esteem.

I'm guessing that anyone that looked that pretty to begin with, but feels the need to make herself look "better," has some serious self-esteem issues. How sad that some people (and women seem especially susceptible to this) would feel so bad about themselves—and I think it has more to do with how they feel about themselves as a person, rather than their looks—that they would spend thousands of dollars and undergo painful surgery in order to remake their looks. In her bikini photos (I won't post one here, but you can easily find it on the Web), she looks out of proportion and ready to topple over. I know some guys get off on that, but the guys I love and respect the most are not so easily "beavdazzled." (Yes, I made that word up. I like it.)

We all have a certain amount of vanity, and I'm no exception to that. I like it when I look good and get attention. But I've never felt the need to change my looks so drastically through plastic surgery. It seems more realistic and practical to work with what you've got, and a healthy dose of self-confidence can do wonders in making that work.

In addition to being insecure about her entire sense of Self, apparently her faith is very important to her. In the snippets of the interview included in that picture, when asked if she struggled with changing what God gave her, she said, "I prayed about it for a long time, and said 'God, if it's wrong, then I won't do it.' But I never got that feeling. My body is just a shell: God doesn't care. It's what's inside that God cares about."

That's an interesting argument. I guess God doesn't care, but the people you want to get money from do care! So pretty up, bitch! But she is right about what is inside being what is most important. No matter how pretty you are on the outside, if you've got an ugly, gooey center like some rancid piece of chocolate, it can make you a very unattractive person.

Oh, and speaking of that...she has also said in the past, "If women aren’t jealous of you, talking about you and cutting you down, then you’re a nerd, and I would never want to be that."

Well, since I'm writing about you here and cutting down what you've done, my dear, I guess that technically means that you're not a nerd. So rest easy. However, I'm not jealous of you. I find you vapid, shallow, self-absorbed, vain, narcissistic, obsessed with your own importance, easily and pathetically swayed by the pervasive message delivered by the media, and generally a boring, idiotic, insipid twat. you feel less nerdy? Happy to help.