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My next entry was going to be about the fun time we had in Miami during the weekend of the BCS championship game (except for the three hours of the game!), but I managed to dick around for a couple of weeks and not get it written, so now I need to write about this big scandal involving Manti Te’o and his fake dead girlfriend.
::sigh::
As soon as the story broke, I had friends messaging me and posting to my Wall on Facebook asking for my reaction and thoughts. My initial reaction was to wait and see what else comes out about it...this is an ongoing story, and I think there is still much to learn about it. I actually had to say that I was not taking any questions on it at this time! I didn’t want to comment until I learned more about it, and there are more and more reports coming out that made me decide to write about it.
I’m not going to go into details about what has been reported so far, or any sort of timeline about what was said by whom and when it was said. There is plenty out there about it, and it’s all a Google search away for you. Suffice it to say that it’s one of the biggest sports stories at the moment, and if you follow sports or watch any news at all, you’ll have heard about it. What it comes down to is whether Manti was complicit in this hoax, or whether he was the victim of the hoax.
I’ve read quite a few things that have said that there is no way he wasn’t involved in it. I’m going to have to disagree with that, and this comes from gut instinct based on what I’ve heard and read about the guy, and on my own personal experience with online relationships.
First, I’ve watched this kid play for four years. You tend to hear things in South Bend about whether a player is a decent guy or a jerk; I have never heard a bad word about Manti. Everyone who knows him says that he’s a good guy. My impression is that he is a kind and decent kid with a strong work ethic and a good heart.
Second, many have questioned how anyone could be taken in by an online relationship like that. I’m here to tell you that it is entirely too possible, and I speak from painful and personal experience. One of the reasons that this story has gotten to me the way it has is that it has dredged up some hurtful memories.
Several years ago, I entered into an online correspondence with a minor celebrity. (I won’t tell you who it was, although some of my close friends know. He’s the reason my Bacon Number is 3.) It was quite exciting and flattering to have the attention of someone on TV and in a few movies. My situation was a little different, because I did eventually end up meeting him a few times when he stopped to see me during his travels. I saw lots of things online about him having similar correspondences with several other women, but I just ignored all that and didn't believe that it was all true. Stupid, right? Yeah, when I look back now, it was, and I could just kick myself. I really wanted there to be more there than there was, so I ignored my good sense and just went along with it. I guess I knew deep down, though, that something wasn't right, because although he came to see me a few times, I never got a phone call from him. NOT ONE. Finally, I had had it and sent him a rather nasty email saying something to that effect (I believe it was “How come I have never gotten one single fucking phone call from you??” or something similar), and then he stopped responding to any of my emails. Just a complete cut-off.
A mutual friend told me that he told her that I was "mean to him" so he stopped writing to me. ::eye roll:: Whatever. I eventually got vindication when he wrote me a letter maybe a year later and apologized, hoping we could be friends again, and he promised to be a "better friend than he was a boyfriend." I was still angry and hurt, and was engaged to Ken by that time, and I told him that I wished him well, but please do not contact me again. That felt pretty good! I've gotten a little more mellow as I've gotten older, so I do genuinely wish him well.
Anyway, I write about this to illustrate that good, intelligent people can be deluded into believing things that others would look at and say, "What are you THINKING?" There are malicious people out there who know exactly what to say to sucker someone in, especially someone who is sort of gullible and trusting. This happened to me when I was in my thirties, so here you've got this college kid, 20 years old, a Mormon, sort of insulated as a star on the Notre Dame team...I can see how he got suckered into believing this was real. He wanted it to be real, he wanted to make that connection with someone who understood him...I don't know their motivation for doing this, any more than I know the motivation for my online friend who liked having plenty of chickens in the henhouse, if you know what I mean and I think you do! I guess maybe the attention? I really don't know.
I think you all know me well enough to know that I stand up for myself and don’t take shit from anyone. So it IS rather embarrassing to me that I took that sort of treatment for as long as I did. I can see why Manti is embarrassed about being duped that way. This happened to me about 15 years ago, and it still makes me cringe that I was so gullible and so willing to believe that there was more there than there really was. Older Beth wants to kick Younger Beth in the ass and say, “Wake up!”
There are a lot of us who want to believe the best of people. I’d honestly rather be this way than have a hard heart and be cynical and untrusting. But there is a price to be paid for that sort of mindset. We are vulnerable to being played for suckers, and that sort of experience only comes with time...and occasionally with painful lessons.
I think this is what is playing out for Manti right now. I could be wrong, and believe me, I’ll be the first to admit it if I am. My heart just aches for this young man, and I hope that my gut instinct is right in this case. I know how much such a betrayal can hurt, and how angry it can make you at yourself for your gullibility. We have yet to hear anything further from him other than his initial statement, and I hope he speaks sooner rather than later. In the meantime, I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Because I’ve been there.
As I’ve mentioned previously, Ken and I are heading down to Miami tomorrow for a long weekend, culminating with the Monday night BCS National Championship game against Alabama.
I was thinking the other day that usually it’s teams from Indiana portrayed as “hicks,” but this time we’re playing...you know...Alabama. Yeah, I went there!
Trash talking aside (and I’m not really a trash talker), I am so excited and nervous about this game that I can hardly stand it. I’ve really tried not to think too much about it, because I really am almost unhealthily nervous. I know it’s only a game, I know there are bigger problems in the world, I know, I know, I KNOW. But I’ve been a Notre Dame fan since I was a junior high kid, watching games on TV with my Dad. That’s why I love sports so much. It’s been a joy to see Notre Dame have such an amazing season, and to see someone like Manti Te’o (by all accounts, a kind and wonderful young man) do so well and be a true leader on the team. To have it end with us playing for the national championship is something that I never would have imagined for this season, and it makes me very emotional. Like sometimes actually crying when I think about it! I wish I could have talked to Dad about all this...I know he’d be so excited for us that we’re going to this game!
It’s not going to be an easy game. ‘Bama is a great team, and Saban is a great coach. But you know what? Notre Dame is a great team, too, and Brian Kelly is also a great coach. We’re the underdogs here (the Vegas line is Alabama anywhere from -7 to -10), but we’ve triumphed in other such games. “What though the odds be great or small,” and all that. Our defensive line is superb, and I think the Irish are going to be a lot tougher than many ‘Bama fans are thinking.
Well, we’ll find out soon enough, won’t we? In the meantime, we’ll get to see a little bit of that fabulous Miami Art Deco architecture, chow down on some fresh seafood, and join the biggest party spot in the nation, at least for this weekend! If we’re friends on Facebook, I’ll be posting pics there, and do an update here sometime next week.
So come on, you Irish. You can TAKE these guys. Wake up the echoes and shake down the thunder!
I have so much to write about lately and so little time and motivation to do so that I’m a little overwhelmed at the moment. Suffice it to say that it’s been a fun December, plenty of family and friend time, and more fun to come in about a week.
Oh, did I mention that we’re heading to Miami to go to the National Championship game between Notre Dame and Alabama? I’ll write more about that soon (at least that’s the plan), but it’s just been a little crazy with things to do and people to see. It’s been a lot of fun, but I need some downtime interspersed in there to recover from all that socializing, so I’ve been neglectful here.
After not writing about several things that have happened and upcoming events, I’m prompted to write now because of the movie we saw today: Quentin Tarantino’s latest, “Django Unchained.” My mind is still roiling with this movie, and I need to get some of this out or I’ll be up way too late tonight!
Whew. This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a while. I’m a big fan of Tarantino, and “Pulp Fiction” is right up there in my top five movie list. I need to see Django again to be sure, but I came out of the theater thinking that I just might have liked this better than “Pulp Fiction.” It really is that good.
It is very gory and graphic; if that sort of thing bothers you, you will not enjoy this movie. But if that sort of thing bothers you, why would you want to see a Quentin Tarantino movie? That’s one of the things he is known for, and his movies remind me very much of Sam Peckinpah’s movies, but with more blood. What is probably more disturbing and much harder to watch is the brutal treatment of slaves. Tarantino shies away from none of this. The N-word is used liberally and often. The floggings, the inhumane treatment, the complete lack of basic human decency...it is very disturbing.
But I welcomed Tarantino’s brutal honesty. This is part of our history, and it is wrong to ignore it. I think he does an amazing job with making this terrible story uplifting, by using a combination of righteous vengeance and humor.
Yes, there were many moments that induced laughter. One of the things I love about Tarantino is that he can make you laugh at some of the most horrible things. There were moments of genuine humor in this movie, including the scene with the raiders wearing bags over their heads (a precursor to the Klan) and the big shoot-out scene with bullets ripping into bodies. Not funny, you say? If you go see this movie and don’t give a little burble of horrified laughter at that scene, I’ll buy you a beer. I wasn’t the only one in the theater laughing, so it’s not just me and my warped sense of humor.
The cast is simply amazing. Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Don Johnson, Samuel L. Jackson were all fantastic. Lots of cameos (I won’t list them here...see if you can spot them!) that had me thinking, “Oh, that’s so-and-so!” And, like Hitchcock, Tarantino always makes an appearance. It’s a fun one here, mate!
The music is also fantastic. The Django theme was co-written by Ennio Morricone, who is the guy who wrote the music for the Eastwood spaghetti westerns; I’ve read that this is Tarantino’s homage to those movies. There is plenty of modern music in there as well, and it works well despite the anachronism. The scenery is stunning, with beautiful mountain views. The visuals are wonderful (Django reflected in a mirror reminded me of Andy Warhol’s Elvis prints...the shadows cast by Django and others are cool...the blood spatter on cotton bolls...the blood-drenched plantation house walls.) Even the titles and graphics are fun and reminiscent of “Pulp Fiction.” (Watch for the Mississippi scroll!)
This movie isn’t for everyone. Ken’s Mom asked if she could go, and we cautioned her that it was graphic and bloody. She still wanted to go...and she loved it. She was glad she went, and we were glad she joined us! It’s a long movie, two hours and 45 minutes, and we were all riveted. I didn’t even break open my Reese’s Pieces, because I was spellbound. For anyone who likes Tarantino or this style of movie, I honestly cannot recommend it enough. It is brutal, funny, upsetting, uplifting, stone cold righteous, and glorious.
I hesitated to even write about this, because I think it’s still very raw for a lot of people. I had CNN on for about two minutes today, and I couldn’t stomach it. I’ve read a few things online, but have generally stayed away from the subject.
I also hesitated to write about gun violence because I’ve written about it before, here.
And here.
And again, here.
I’m tired of writing about it. I’m tired of being outraged after another violent attack using guns, ranting about it here, saying that something needs to be done...and nothing ever gets done. I feel like I’m beating my head against a brick wall, shouting into a void, taking over Sisyphus’s job and pushing that boulder up the hill, over and over and OVER. I’m tired of it.
This time it was kids. Twenty kids. All of them either 6 or 7 years old. When I was 6 years old, I was playing on swings, riding my tricycle, running around outside like a little crazy person, and asking for a G.I. Joe for Christmas. These kids will never know the joy of such play. Because they’re dead. Twenty dead kids. Jesus fuck, people, what is wrong with us? Even harder to wrap my mind around is the kids who witnessed this. You’ve probably seen the picture of the police leading the little kids across a parking lot, some of them crying, all of them looking frightened. The one that really got to me was the little boy with his hands up to his face, a look of disbelief and horror in his eyes, as a little girl stood there with her arm around him and her head down. The dead children were robbed of their lives; the survivors have been robbed of their innocence. Life kicks the shit out of all of us, but it generally happens over a period of years, giving us time to come to terms and assimilate it into our broader worldview. A 6-year-old witnessing his or her friends shot multiple times has precious few tools to cope with such a thing. There is no perspective, no years of experience, no context, no philosophy, little ability to comprehend the sheer insanity of such a thing (if that is even possible). I don’t know about you, but if I saw one of my friends take a bullet to the brain, I would be horrified, and it would fuck me up. Can you imagine what it would be like for a 6-year-old?
I’ve done my best to stay out of any discussions about this on Facebook, because I sensed my potential to absolutely lose it. One person was arguing that the problem was that the shooter lacked “interpersonal communication skills.” Mike “The Huckster” Huckabee said that it was because we’ve taken God out of our schools. Jay Carney, the White House press secretary, said that now is not the time to have this discussion. I’m seeing the usual claptrap about how this is a “complicated issue.” I understand how issues can be complicated, nothing is black and white, only shades of grey...but twenty dead kids? I’d say that’s pretty simple, wouldn’t you? I’m seeing the argument that the citizenry has a right to arm themselves against a government takeover. Really? You’re going to hold off the American military with a basement full of weapons? Tell me more about how you’re going to take down an Apache helicopter with your precious little arsenal. Please. I’m really interested to find out more.
President Obama, please force this discussion. Democrats, please introduce bills to ban assault weapons, high capacity clips, and armor-piercing bullets; introduce a bill to ensure that anyone wanting to buy a gun has to undergo a background check; introduce a bill to mandate a waiting period; introduce a bill to limit the amount of ammunition that an individual can buy. We limit how much freakin’ pseudoephedrine a person can buy...why can’t we do that for ammunition?
It’s time to stop just giving this issue—and it IS an issue—lip service and do something that will make a real difference. I tried a while back with a White House petition, and I didn’t get the 25,000 signatures needed to have them address it. There are new petitions up, and one is approaching 100,000 signatures, so it will be addressed by the White House. Maybe the time is right that something will finally, finally be done.
But it is an indictment on our country’s basic decency and sanity that it took twenty dead children to do it.
Not this coming weekend...the past one. I’m a little behind!
At the risk of screwing up the Space-Time Continuum, I’m going to work backwards on our weekend.
On Sunday, we headed down to Indianapolis for a Chris Isaak concert. We’re both big fans, and it was the third time I had seen him (I don’t know how many times Ken has seen him, but he got to see Chris in San Francisco before he hit it big), but we had never had a chance to see him together. We weren’t disappointed. The venue was the Egyptian Room, AKA the Murat Theatre, at the Old National Centre downtown. I lived in Indy for seven years, and had never made it to the Murat before, so I was happy to finally get there! It’s a beautiful venue. More about Chris in a moment.
We stayed at a bed and breakfast called the Nestle Inn (pronounced like the verb, not the chocolate company). I found it online, and it’s a beautiful old home with very nice rooms and amenities. They have a gorgeous and comfortable library, and I noticed one shelf full of books about Frank Lloyd Wright, so I was impressed. It is on Massachusetts Avenue, which is the heart of the arts and theater district. When I lived there from ‘89 to ‘’97, it was kind of a rough area, but they have really developed it into a vibrant place with lots of galleries, theaters, and pubs. It’s right by downtown, so would be a great place to stay if you’re going to a Colts or Pacers game, too. We ate at a place called The Rathskellar, which is also in a historic building, and serves German and American food. The food was yummy, the portions were huge, and the place is gorgeous, with lots of dark wood and a really nice atmosphere. They had a live band playing when we were there, and it was sort of gospel-tinged Christmas music...so good that they had me dancing in my chair!
Then it was onward to the Murat and Chris Isaak. As I said, he didn’t disappoint. He looks fantastic, sounds even better, and we had a total blast! He played several songs from his latest CD, “Beyond the Sun,” which was recorded at Sun Studios in Memphis and features songs from famous Sun Studio artists like Elvis, Jerry Lee, and my favorite, Johnny Cash. Chris did songs from each of them, including the highlight for me, “Ring of Fire.” At one point, Chris came out into the audience, and ran by where I was dancing over by the wall...I patted him and he grabbed my hand, so I can now say that I touched Chris Isaak and he touched me back. *swoon* Chris and his band are great performers, open and funny and obviously having a good time playing music and grooving with the audience. It was such a treat to see him again and be reminded of how much we love his music. We listened to him all the way down and all the way back, and had a blast.
We were only there for one evening and left around noon the following day, so we didn’t have time to do anything in Indy other than eat and go to the concert. My friend Jim and his new wife Sarah were at the Colts game, so it didn’t work out that we could hook up...but I told Ken that I would love to go back for a weekend this summer and spend a little more time there. It really is a great city that has done a lot to rehabilitate downtown since I lived there. It’s one of the Midwest’s sports meccas, hosting several basketball tourneys and one Super Bowl. I look forward to going back and seeing my friend after quite a few years. Ken is going down for a business trip in the spring, so it’s possible that I could tag along. We shall see. Anyway, just a great visit, great concert, and great city! I love you, Indianapolis!
Now, let’s back up to Saturday. We had an ND hockey game in the late afternoon, and were hoping to see the whole thing before we headed over to Brothers Bar & Grill by the ND campus to watch the ND-USC football game. Usually we watch away games at home, because we get a little loud and crazy (and I get super nervous), but we decided to be out and about to watch this particular game. Because of what was going on with the BCS (both Oregon and Kansas State had lost, ND was ranked #1, and if they won, they would be going to the national championship...still with me?), this had the potential to be a really great game and a really great celebration, so we decided to spend it with other loud and crazy fans. After the second period of the hockey game, I was checking Facebook and saw that Brothers posted that ESPN was there to film crowd reactions, so when Ken got back from a pit stop, I said, “If we want to get a decent seat, we should probably go now.” So we did, and sure enough, ESPN was there, and the place started filling up fast. We were lucky to get two bar seats in front of a TV!
If you pay any attention to sports at all, you have seen that Notre Dame did indeed beat long-time nemesis Southern Cal to go 12-0 on the regular season and maintain their #1 standing in all the polls. The crowd really did go crazy, because we knew this meant that we’re going to the national championship. Ken ran over by the ESPN cameras and shouted “We’re #1” and “We’re going to Miami!” and we just about died of laughter when we got home that night, watched SportsCenter, and saw him on there. That night, Ken booked a flight to Miami and a hotel room for a long weekend. Now it’s just a matter of getting tickets. I will say more about that as we find out more, but I think we have a pretty good shot at getting a couple. Keep everything crossed for us!
This isn’t going to be a cheap endeavor, and I initially balked at going...but Ken said, “When will we get a chance to do this again? There’s no guarantee.” That was all it took to convince me. To see our team go 12-0 and play for the national championship, and to think of how much my Dad would have enjoyed this season and about how we would have talked about it at length...okay! We’re going!
More to come! In the meantime, here was the scene at Brothers after ND clinched the win AND a shot at the championship!
You all probably know by now that I’m a Notre Dame fan. I didn’t go there, but I grew up watching ND football and basketball games with my Dad. It’s a pretty big deal in our little city, because it’s the largest employer in the area and brings in millions to the local economy.
We’ve been fortunate the past couple of years to get tickets to all the football home games (thanks to Andy!), and this season has been almost unbelievable. We have somehow managed to go undefeated so far, and after Kansas State and Oregon were upset this past Saturday, we moved up to #1. Like, in the country. WOW! The football program has had a lot of ups and downs over the past couple of decades, but suddenly everything started clicking. The wins haven’t all been pretty, but we somehow managed to find a way to get it done.
Now we’re facing the very real possibility that we might have an undefeated season and play for the national championship. I don’t want to get ahead of things, because we still have to face USC in Pasadena this Saturday, and I know they’ll be out to play the spoiler. If the status quo prevails, we will probably play Alabama for the championship in Miami.
We talked about it, and decided that if we can get tickets (Ken’s new workplace has season tickets, so they might have a good shot at getting them), we will go. We want to go to whatever bowl game they end up at, and we’re hoping it will be the championship! Tickets won’t be cheap, and I was kind of balking at that, but Ken said, “We might never get a chance to see this again.” Considering that it’s been almost a quarter of a century since they last won a national championship, it’s hard to argue that point. So we’ll see what happens, but fingers are crossed here at Nutwood!
I’ve been a little emotional about all of this. Some people say, “It’s just a game.” I understand that, and I realize that in the large scheme of things, Notre Dame playing for and possibly winning the national championship is low priority. However, I’ve been a fan for forty years. Some of my happiest memories with my Dad were of us watching games on TV together as he explained the game, penalties, and strategies. We were even able to attend a couple of games together in the past few years. During the season, we’d talk at length about the players, the coaches, and games past, present, and future. If Ken and I were watching a game at home, I’d call Dad up after a particularly great ND play, and he’d say, “I just told your Mom that that’ll be Beth Anne!” We’d go a little crazy about the great play and then go back to watching the game.
I remember Dad saying that he hoped Notre Dame would win one more national championship before he died. That wasn’t to be, but I know how pleased he’d be at the season they have had this year, and how excited we’d both be to talk about the possibilities of a championship. As happy as I am about this season, there is a bittersweet aspect to it. I miss being able to talk to Dad about it all.
If we really do get to go to the bowl game, I’ll be cheering for two.
With the election over, I’ve been getting caught up on issues of Time. Okay, a lot of the articles there were about the election, and I’m currently on the special double issue commemorative election issue. But this isn’t about all that, believe it or not!
One recent issue was about the future of education in our country, and I found it fascinating. It should go without saying that we have a real problem in that area. We are falling farther and farther behind in our skills compared to other developed countries, and a high school diploma is no longer a guarantee of literacy and basic skills. Even a college diploma does not mean that a student will graduate with critical thinking skills that allow them to reach beyond the immediate and obvious.
One of the topics this issue focused on was online classes. With the advent of computers and faster connections, education is more accessible than ever, especially to those in remote areas or poorer countries. There is a bit of an explosion at the moment in MOOCs, massive open online courses, and top-notch universities like Harvard and Stanford are participating. I’ve signed up for a couple myself on Coursera, when they become available: one taught by Ezekiel Emanuel (yes, brother of Rahm) on health policy and the Affordable Care Act, and one on vaccines taught by Dr. Paul Offit. I won’t get college credit for these, but that’s okay. I just want to learn.
However, these online courses are shaking things up a bit in academia, and some accredited colleges are starting to accept transfer credits for such courses through non-accredited portal sites such as Coursera. If we want to get back up to speed and become more competitive, we need to explore all options in order to reach as many people as possible. What is fascinating about many of these online courses is that they are rethinking the way subjects are taught, or at least paying attention to what past studies have shown. Rather than 45 minutes to an hour of straight lecturing, the instructor will teach for a few minutes and then engage the students in asking questions and getting feedback. They will be tasked with figuring out a problem, or discuss the concepts just presented. This makes sense to me, because I truly believe that the way we learn is changing. When I was in college, I would sit for an hour and take notes (unless it was lab time, which was always fun and hands-on). Handwritten notes! O the horror! Now I find myself getting constant input. If I’m reading something, I’ll stop after a few minutes and check for info online; I’ll pay attention to a news story on TV; I’ll watch a video I’ve come across. I’m 50 years old, and MY brain has been changed by these sorts of stimuli. How must it be for someone half my age, who grew up with such input? If you want people to learn, you have to figure out the most effective way to convey your information, and that has changed considerably in the past few decades.
I often hear older people talking about how they didn’t have computers when they were in school, and they learned just fine. Times have changed, people. The computer is an essential part of learning, whether it’s to get a syllabus for a class, research a paper you’re working on, submit that paper, or check your grades. This starts in grade school. Computers are no longer a luxury; they are an essential part of the learning process.
I believe that we need to commit to rethinking our system, and figuring out the best way to teach kids, from preschool through grad school. This involves more than money, though. My question is how do we change the culture so that we foster a love of learning? I’m all for tech schools that teach specific skills for specific jobs. Our jobs are becoming increasingly technical, and as we (hopefully) continue to expand manufacturing, we can rely on an increasingly educated and stronger middle class. But how do we promote that sense of learning beyond job needs? How do we instill a sense of curiosity in kids, one that leads them to explore and learn and grow beyond their imagined boundaries?
I still believe there is a place for four-year degrees in which you are able to take a few electives beyond the requirements for your major. Because of my high school class ranking and advanced placement tests, I was able to test out of something like 28 credit hours for English and German. I almost regret that now, because I wish I would have taken more electives! (But it was a good thing for Mom and Dad’s bank account!) Online courses can be wonderful for someone like me who still wants to learn, but has no need to get the degree or cannot justify the fees involved. As we continue to develop these online courses, it can also be wonderful for kids who hope to further their education by getting a scholarship, or for young women in countries with oppressive attitudes towards women’s education. There really is no downside here.
Beyond fostering an attitude of the joy of learning, I believe we need to condemn the opposite attitude. I’ve written before about the bizarre tendency lately to dismiss facts and numbers if they don’t jibe with your personal reality. This needs to stop. To be completely frank, part of that needs to involve keeping religion out of the science classroom. I’ve written about that, too, so I won’t go into it in depth again, but it’s long past time that we stopped treating creationism/intelligent design as a valid scientific theory. It is not. It is a religious belief. People can believe whatever they want to believe, reconcile their beliefs with scientific fact in whichever way they choose, and they can teach those beliefs in their home and in their churches. No one is stopping them from that. But they must not be allowed to push those beliefs in the science classroom. I am not exaggerating when I say that our standing as a nation invested in scientific and medical research depends upon it.
Our duty now awaits us.