Evolution

I have plenty of other things to write about (our recent trip to Kentucky, the Democratic convention—wow, did our First Lady knock it out of the park, or what?!—the bizarre compulsion Republicans have to crawl inside the wombs of American women, among other things), but what is at the forefront of my mind today is change.

Not political change. Not Ken’s job change, although that is part of what prompted my pondering on this. Personal change. How we grow and develop as human beings.

‘Change’ is sometimes tossed around as a bad thing. As in, “Oh, how you’ve changed.” The implication is that you’ve changed for the worse. That certainly can be true for certain people, but I tend to see personal change as a necessary thing. If we’re the exact same people we were when we graduated from high school, for example, that doesn’t speak well for our sense of self-awareness, our empathy for others, or our ability to learn from our mistakes. Stagnation isn’t good for anyone.

It has been said that I have influenced Ken for my own nefarious purposes (although the source is dubious, at best), changing his values and belief systems. How silly. I don’t have that much power over anyone, and wouldn’t wield it in that way if I did. Ken is his own person, as am I. Of course, we discuss things; we pay attention to the world around us, we see what is working and what isn’t, and we talk about our thoughts on such matters. Not just with each other...we have friends and family that we also toss around ideas with. That is actually one of the more enjoyable things in life for me: having good discussions with others so that I can work out my own ideas on something.

This is how we grow, both intellectually and as human beings. My positions on many things have evolved throughout the years. I started out an idealistic liberal; I became fairly fiscally conservative for a while (although I’ve always been pretty liberal on social issues); I made another big swing back to the left, and I’m guessing that’s not going to change. I started out being for civil unions rather than full marriage equality. Like President Obama, my views on that have evolved, and I now fully support equality for all of our citizens.

I didn’t just decide to switch my opinions because I was, oh, let’s say running for political office. (Not to mention any names. *cough* Mittens *cough*) I took the time to read about things, took the time to fully think them through. I am not a religious conservative, although I was born into a religious conservative family. I made my own way and made my own decisions. I did not make them lightly, either.

So I find it ludicrous that anyone would disparage a person’s changing stance on such serious issues as religion and politics. (Attributing Ken’s changing stance on things to me is even more ludicrous.) Or even non-serious issues like types of music, or taste in movies. Aren’t we kind of supposed to ponder things, experience new things, branch out from our tiny little corner of the world? Isn’t that what makes life the exciting adventure it is? Oh, I suppose I could sit here and not challenge my previously held notions, take the easy and safe path of conformity, but what fun would that be? To take that path seems rather lazy to me.

One of my mottos in college was “Question Authority.” It was cool and rebellious for the time, and I can’t say that I’ve retained any sort of major disrespect for authority. However, I continue to question, and I hope I always will. Life wouldn’t be as interesting without pushing the envelope on occasion!

The small stuff

No, that isn’t the title of my autobiography.

Today my Mom drove up to our place so I could take her to a doctor’s appointment over on the east side. She did really good this time and didn’t leave her place too early. (On previous occasions, I’ve glanced outside to see her out there a half an hour before she was supposed to be here, bless her heart.) Unfortunately, due to some pretty major road construction happening on our road, they had closed it down by the highway entrance, and wouldn’t let her through. I didn’t know that they were closing it off, or I would have had her come the other way.

She was a few minutes late, and I was starting to get worried about her, but she finally made it...then she told me what had happened. She had to turn around and backtrack a bit in order to get to our house the back way. (That was also blocked off to through traffic, but we could get out and back in that way.) She was a little wigged out, worried that she was going to be late to her appointment, and I patted her hand and tried to get her to relax a bit. I said, “You know what? Even if we were a little bit late, it wouldn’t be a big deal. It’s all okay, and you can’t sweat the small stuff.” We got there in plenty of time, and the doctor was running late, anyway, so no worries. However, her blood pressure was way up because of this, and the doctor thinks that might be part of what is causing her dizziness, so she needs to contact her regular doctor tomorrow. (This guy was an ENT specialist.) Even as the nurse was checking her BP, Mom was telling her about this incident, and I had to make calming motions with my hands to get her to stop, and the nurse had her take a deep breath.

My sister Diana met us there, and we all talked a little bit about handling stress. Mom seems to worry about so many things, and we tried to get her to think about how she could not get quite so wound up about stuff. I don’t know if just being more aware of the problem might get her to stop and take some deep breaths when she feels her BP going up, but I think I’ll suggest the deep breathing thing.

It got me to thinking about my own response to stressful situations. Although I’m certainly no Zen master, and I can get plenty wound up at times, I generally have a fairly calm reaction to most things. It takes a lot to send me into a tizzy. I guess I’ve come to the realization that there are always things (most things, actually) that are beyond my control, and I can either let it freak me out, or I can adapt and find an alternative. I always do my best to be on time to something, but if I’m 5 or 10 minutes late, is the world going to come to a standstill? Of course not. There were some people at the lab who didn’t handle change well, and every new method or new test (and because it’s a constantly changing field, there were many changes) was a reason to get worked up into a lather.

I also had my moments in the lab, and I have my moments now. But I’ve learned to try to not lose my shit. It doesn’t do anyone any good, including me. I had to look this up to see who wrote it, and I was surprised (I’m not sure why) to see that it was Rudyard Kipling: “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs...yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it.” I won’t go quite that far, but I know it’s better for my own health, and probably for that of those around me.

Keep calm and carry on, citizens.

Living in the past

Once I used to join in

Every boy and girl was my friend.

Now there's revolution, but they don't know

What they're fighting.

Let us close our eyes;

Outside their lives go on much faster.

Oh, we won't give in,

We'll keep living in the past.

~~Jethro Tull

My friend Mark at The Trash Whisperer noted on Facebook that one thing that most of these town hall protesters seem to have in common is that they just don't like change. It's odd that he mentioned that, because I was thinking the same thing this week. Seeing the anger made me think that maybe people were acting so angry because they are afraid, and one of the things that makes people afraid is change.

That led me to think (are you still with me?) about dealing with change in our own lives. We've all experienced change throughout the years of our lives, and change can be one of the greatest stressors, whether it's a welcome change like a wedding or an unwanted one like a funeral. I believe that how we deal with life's inevitable changes is one of the things that defines and sharpens our character, and is an indicator of our strength of will and mental health.

It seems there are more people than usual going through major changes these days; a job or a business lost; a marriage ending; a midlife crisis begun. I've seen the gamut of reactions, ranging from grace, good humor, and acceptance to anger, bitterness, and denial. I've seen people realize that the only choice for them is to roll with the changes (thanks, R.E.O.) and move forward to the next challenge, and I've seen people make the choice to never accept that the world has moved on and instead, to stay mired in the stagnant pools of their personal misery. I've seen people take the crummy cards that have been dealt them and turn them into a winning hand; I've also seen those who would rather throw down their hand in anger and shoot the dealer.

I have regretted actions in the past, but I try not to dwell on my mistakes. I understand that is part of being a human being, and I truly hope that I've never hurt anyone too badly by the things I've said or done. There are always hurts along the way, and some of those I have caused have stuck with me; I've tried to apologize when I've had the chance. Sometimes I've even been forgiven. For those hurts that have been done to me, I've done my best to get over them and forge ahead. Certain things will always linger, but I try not to let them define me, or to carry around excessive emotional baggage. And I don't hold onto anger, at least not that slow-burning anger that smolders in your gut like a banked fire. When I think of specific things, I might have a flare of anger, but it really doesn't last long. What's the point? Who is it hurting other than myself? I just throw a little sarcasm at it and move along.

There aren't a lot of people from my past that I still encounter. I'm fortunate in that with those I do, I mostly have good relationships, and there are some who I consider good friends. I've known some people who seem to hate pretty much everyone from their past, except for those who have died. When it comes to those types of people, I guess you have to die in order to get in their good graces! It wouldn't surprise me that if the departed were still with us, the haters would find reason to hate them, too. It's easy to eulogize people that you don't have to deal with every day. The question is, how do you treat those who are still around?

Change is happening constantly. On the best of days, we control the changes; on the worst, they control us. How do you deal? Nothing less than your long-term peace of mind is at stake.

The Flower of American Youth

I'm sure you've all heard about the plot that the feds busted...the plot that a couple of fine young skinheads devised, in which their goal was to kill a bunch of black high school students and then kill Barack Obama.

Daniel Cowart (pictured here) and Paul Schlesselman were arrested a week ago on numerous charges, including possession of an unregistered firearm, conspiring to steal firearms from a federally licensed gun dealer, and threatening a candidate for president. This is a picture of Coward Cowart. Notice how he is so proud of his large gun, and cradles it in his arms. I guess the bigger the gun, the smaller the...

But I digress. Be sure to check out his handsome swastika tattoo!

I'm waffling between horror and laughter on this, and if you think I'm crazy for finding any of it in any way humorous, I present to you their plan.

They had a few firearms with which they planned to rob more gun shops to get more weapons, and they were going to do a few home invasions to get some easy cash. They bought nylon rope and ski masks to aid them in what was planned to be a state-to-state spree. And here's where their plan really comes together, and we see the sheer genius of these two. As the culmination of their plan, the two white supremacists were going to drive really fast towards Obama while shooting at him from the windows. Oh...and when they did this, they were going to be clad in white tuxedos and white tops hats. I guess they had to add "Rob Louie's Tux Shoppe" to their to-do list.

Hey...I suppose you have to give them credit for having a little bit of a sartorial flair, or at least the aspiration to it. I'm sure they would have been playing David Lee Roth's "Just a Gigolo" on the cassette player in their monster truck as they put the pedal to the medal.

It might surprise you to know that the 20-year-old Cowart did not graduate from high school, and was living with his grandparents. Astonishing!

I suppose I'm focusing on the absurdity of it all, because the reality is almost too painful to confront. But I'll get there in a moment. Hannah Arendt spoke of the "banality of evil" when writing about the trial of Adolf Eichmann. I think we need to add to that the "complete and utter idiocy of evil." I wonder if the combined IQ's of these two bozos breaks 100? When part of your plan consists of "driving really fast," you'd think you'd realize that you've got a little more planning to do. Not only were these guys filled with hate, they were also dumber than a box of rocks.

And you know what? I'd be willing to bet that Barack Obama would be the first person to say, "We, as a nation, have failed these young men." What sort of atmosphere did they live in that fostered so much hatred towards another race that they planned on killing dozens of innocent high school students, some of them by decapitation? What kind of extremism led them to believe that killing a man with a wife and two young children was a solution? Knowledge and education can help nurture a tolerance and acceptance of other cultures, races, and religions; why were these kids not given that opportunity for the education and encouragement that might have resulted in a tolerant, productive member of society rather than another life wasted?

I'm big on personal responsibility, too, don't get me wrong. These kids made a decision to go to the dark side rather than break out of whatever noxious atmosphere they were living in. But ignorance and hatred had to have been part of their surroundings, and I am disgusted and appalled that there are people out there that would happily kill multiple people because of whatever twisted dogma with which they've been indoctrinated.

Ken wrote a great entry the other day about change. He wasn't talking Obama change, and neither am I. We need a fundamental change within each of us, a core values system that tells us that every person is valuable, that we are part of the world at large, the "family of man." Part of the solution is for each of us to stand up to such hatred and condemn it. Condemn it for the narrow-minded ignorance that it is.

Every person deserves a chance at a life of happiness, rather than one of murder, disease, and starvation. These two would-be assassins were unable to see beyond their own narrow scope of vision, to understand that the lives of those who they were planning to murder were precious, that they were people with parents, siblings, and friends who loved them. It's incomprehensible to me.

As Marge Gunderson said in "Fargo," as she was driving one of the kidnappers off to jail, "And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it."