Letters…I get letters

I recently got a few verrrrry interesting emails, with a couple of big em-effin’ attachments.

It seems that someone has been quite naughty and telling tales out of school!

Let’s see. How to word this? I got a rather bizarre email from someone saying that they had found my email address through my blog, and they felt they had to write to me and tell me what was going on. It seems this person had stumbled upon a blog that he found interesting due to some common issues, and he began an email correspondence with the blog author. It didn’t take long for him to get an earful about me and Ken.

I didn’t respond much to this person. Mostly just “thanks for the information.” I’m not sure what kind of soap opera was happening there, but I can tell you that I do not dig soap operas, and I don’t like having them dumped in my lap. I also found the tone more than a little odd, with talk of “atonement,” and some stuff about telling me because he was so ashamed that he had sinned by participating in malicious gossip. Whew. Okay, whatever. I did say that since he found my email through this blog, it’s obvious that I...you know...write a blog...and I would be writing about this. He said he understood and that was part of his “penance” (!!!), but please don’t use his real name due to some ongoing legal issues. Fair enough, so I shall call him...Stuart.

Apparently, this blog author told Stuart all kinds of nasty things about me and Ken, and said that I am constantly writing bad things about them and their family. If writing about music, movies, books, and politics is writing bad things, then I guess I’m guilty as charged! Unfortunately for the blog author’s case, they sent Stuart here to my blog, as well as to my Twitter account, and he found my YouTube account on his own. He wrote that he saw a very different picture than what was portrayed to him...that it seemed that I was the one being harassed. He was told that I was following this blog author on Twitter, but I am not; they are following me. I guess ol’ Stuart got a bit of an epiphany after checking things out for himself.

He decided to send me all the emails that this blog author wrote to him. He said he saved them all, something about God telling him to save them. Okayyyy. There were some quite interesting things said, things that don’t exactly jibe with reality.

• When Ken left, he said that he “didn’t want to be a father.”
  
• He took every dime and left without providing any way to pay for housing or food. I guess that $3200 each month just wasn’t enough, and after the blog author remarrying two months later, $1600 a month wasn’t enough either.
  
• When Ken left, the blog author “didn’t see another dime (for 7 years) until I took him to court for a child support increase.” See above. $1600 per month. That’s lots of dimes.
  
• Ken refused to pay for band fees, new eyeglasses, clothing, his half of one kid’s braces...all complete lies.
  
• Ken left them without health insurance. Health insurance was provided through the time specified.
  
• After letting one kid use a chainsaw while here (didn’t happen...EVER), Ken told the other kid to go inside and do “women’s work” with me. This is completely laughable. Like I would ever be on board with calling certain chores “women’s work,” or have a partner who felt that way!
  
• It was admitted that Ken’s phone calls were never answered...on purpose. Calls were screened, and if it was our number, the phone wasn’t answered.
  
• When asked for advice about talking to a child about visitation, the blog author wrote, “If he sees and hears from you that you really don’t want him to go, then he’ll reflect that back.” So this person admits to manipulation of the kids.
  
• Apparently, I was a problem from the day that Ken married me...I objected to money being taken out of my “play fund.” Also a complete lie. According to this person, I am “evil and wicked,” and I convinced Ken to leave his faith, switch political parties, and estranged him from his children.
  
• The blog author wrote that they were living an “existence of revenge.”
  
• It was admitted that the blog author feels hatred for me. Also that they are jealous of us. The blog author feels that I am “always aiming my words” at them. Paranoid much? Egotistical much?
  
  

Honestly, I’m surprised that tongue doesn’t just leap out of that mouth and run screaming down the hallway, because this is complete and utter BULLSHIT. And that blog author knows it. I thought the Republican party was the master of revising history, but there’s a new delusional sheriff in town!

This person gave out our full names, our general location, and steered Stuart to my social network sites. Granted, since I have a social network presence, my name and location are out there. But I really don’t appreciate a total stranger being directed to my information. I have to wonder at someone who is so desperate and needy that they feel the need to strike up a personal correspondence with a stranger, but it seems that their appetite for the chance to talk some shit about me and Ken trumped their judgment. It’s a terrible thing to have zero impulse control. If I’ve learned anything from blogging for going on seven years, it’s that you don’t engage with complete strangers, not on a personal level. I don’t have a huge following on here, but I have enough visitors to exercise caution when dealing with commenters that I don’t know. I hope that at least that blog author didn’t give out any personal information, like the kids’ names and ages, or their cell phone number. Oh...wait....

I guess someone forgot how to Internet. Oops!

Prince questions your judgment.

There was also a lot of weird stuff.

• The blog author still cries, “to this day,” over the loss of Ken.
  
• A special “code phrase” so that Stuart would know when the blog entry was about him. Ooo, spy shit! The Fat Man sleeps at midnight!
  
• A paragraph about a husband and wife at church, exchanging glances, shushing the kids as they color on the church programs, and coming home to a perfectly roasted leg of lamb, sitting in front of the fire with a brandy...go ahead and look at the Prince thing again. It is applicable for this.
  
• One thing they wrote that I can agree with: “Pretty comes from within.” Very true words.
  
• Stuart’s emails made the blog author feel like “a young girl on a summer’s day, twirling in a party dress.” Yep, back up to the Prince GIF again. Twirling! In a party dress! Seriously?
  
  

I’m going to address the blog author directly here: When you commented on my YouTube video a while back, I suggested that you get help, because you need it. Your response was “Fuck you.” I suggest that you revisit my idea. Your level of obsession and jealousy is out of control, and apparently your own family has questioned your behavior. If you don’t want to get help for your own sake, do it for your family’s sake. If your attitude and obsession is causing problems in your own home, then any person with an ounce of self-awareness would recognize that and take steps to correct it. Especially a “fucking psychology graduate,” as you put it. The fact that you were so willing to engage with this commenter and so willing to tell lies about both me and Ken shows that you have not moved on, in any way, shape, or form. You still seem to have feelings for Ken, and you seem to have an irrational and obsessive hatred of me. Surely you realize that is not normal...right? And you DO realize that Ken paid monthly child support, and never missed a payment...right? You have to remember that, so why are you lying?

You got busted. You got busted BIG TIME. We now know that our fears of you manipulating the kids are founded, and that your bitterness, hatred, and jealousy led you to alienate the kids from their father, or as you like to call him, the “Sperm Donor.” Charming. So there you have it. Good luck with your life. As a good friend of ours once said about you, “She’s bitter and boring. And I don’t do bitter and boring.”

Oh, and one more thing, she said in her best Lieutenant Columbo voice.

115 pounds?

One hundred and fifteen pounds?

What do you say, Dr. Evil?

Obsession, thy name is…

Apparently, it's Beth.

I'm sure some of you remember the encounters here with various Anonymous commenters. One of the most epic was right after the election of President Obama (I guess some people just get pissy when their candidate loses), when Anon attacked me and my readers. It actually ended up being quite a bit of fun, resulting in a couple of phrases that I still treasure: "Get off the cross, Mary, we need the wood!" from Miss Ginger, and "I'll cut him so bad he'll wish I hadn't cut him so bad!" from Milwaukee Dan #2. Ahhh, good times! A couple of blogger friends posted this list of troll types and it made me laugh, because my Anons have exhibited several of these behaviors.

Well, although my Anon admirers have been quiet lately, my statistics show me that they are still avid readers. One who sometimes hides itself using a proxy (but actually lives in the Cincinnati area) and a collaborator who lives in Rhode Island. I know who these people are, and for whatever reason, they seem to have an almost morbid fascination with me. Sort of a love-hate relationship...they obviously do not like me one iota, but just like Jack said to Ennis in "Brokeback Mountain," they can't seem to quit me. I mean, I know I'm charming and witty and all, but you'd think that they'd eventually have their fill and move on.

But no. They continue to read stalk me, often checking me several times a day. I can only come to two conclusions:

1) They secretly want to be me. They are so fascinated by my fascinating life, with my reading and blogging and Rock Band and fascinating political opinions, that they are consumed by every little fascinating thing I write, hanging on every fascinating word to the point of obsession. Every little thing I do is magic, and these gals know it! I’m fascinating!

B) They have some sort of big ol' girl crush on me. Again, there's that wit and charm, apparently so irresistible to them. Sorry, gals, I don't swing that way. I hate to disappoint, but I prefer a little meat with my potatoes, if you know what I mean, and I think you do! It is flattering, though. And not that there's anything wrong with that. But you'll just have to learn to yearn from afar, because you're not really my type, anyway.

Of course, my blog is public, and anyone who wants to read it can do so. However, if someone obviously feels such contempt for me (although there seem to be deeper feelings, as I mentioned above) and has shown it here and in emails before, I would think that they would question their motives in continuing to read what I have to say here. We all come across blogs that we don't care for, and I don't know about you all, but if I have major disagreements with the author's opinions or attitudes, I pull up stakes and move on. I don't obsessively continue to read, and if I did so, I would question my reasons for doing it. It is certainly unhealthy and unbalanced behavior to continue to be drawn back to something that you despise.

I suggest that my stalkers consider getting some help, because your obsession with me is...well, it's a little unseemly, don't you think? If you're getting off on reading about my life, maybe you need to rethink yours, or at least rethink what gets you off. There are better ways to do that, you know! (But please don't think of me...that would creep me out.) In the meantime, I'll just keep doing my thang, living my life, and enjoying myself. You might want to set your sights and focus your energy on living your own life, rather than obsessing about mine.

A little paranoid, are we?

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

One of the hazards of blogging, one that any of us who have been at this for a while have experienced, is the strange phenomenon in which someone thinks you are writing specifically about them. It hasn't happened to me often, but I've gotten an occasional email from someone wondering if I was writing about them. They've always been friendly in tone, more apologetic than anything, wondering if something they had written in a comment had offended me. I'm always flummoxed when I get such responses, and I usually email them back with an emphatic "No, not at all!"

It's always a good lesson, though, to be reminded that sometimes things can be misconstrued to an extreme degree. I was exchanging emails with someone about this recently, a long-time blogger, and she wrote that it's been her experience that there is often an underlying feeling of guilt in such a situation; something we've written has struck a nerve in someone, and they believe that you were targeting them specifically. I doubt if that's true in all cases, but probably in some. Writing is the poorest form of communication (although I find it the most entertaining) because it takes away body language, tone of voice, and subtle innuendo. It's not always easy to express yourself in writing, and it can be a challenge to retain clarity while still getting your point across.

For the most part, I write about things in general terms, trying to look at the human condition rather than targeting a specific person. I'll write about people in the news, but I'm always specific when it comes to that. If I want to address someone in particular, I will usually send them an email or, rarely, leave an additional comment here. You won't see me dishing dirt about fellow bloggers here, mainly because I really don't operate that way. Everyone seems pretty cool and even-keeled here, at least as far as I can tell. After all, this isn't high school.

Of course, I suppose there might be a few flying under the radar that are raging paranoiacs or obsessives and believe that everything I write is somehow a special message just to them. All I can say to them is that it's not all about you. I've been pretty lucky in not attracting an inordinate amount of such people, knock on wood. (I hope I didn't just jinx myself.) I will break with protocol and send a special message to any of those types of people who happen to be reading: I hate to break it to you, but my life does not revolve around you, and chances are good that I am not writing about you. If you choose to continue to believe that I am doing so, your paranoia and obsession may be getting the better of you. (I’m also not the sole resident of South Bend. There are over 100,000 of us. Private joke.)

I do believe that the vast majority of instances in which someone thought I was writing about them were innocent misunderstandings. Perhaps I inadvertently and randomly hit upon something pertinent to their situation. (Sort of like Michael Scott spreading false rumors in "The Office," and accidentally hitting upon the true one, that Pam and Jim are having a baby. I love that show!) Such misunderstandings are easily rectified by sending me an email, and I will respond and reassure you that I did not have you in mind when I wrote whatever I wrote. For those who consistently believe that I am addressing them or their situation in particular, well...that seems a little egotistical to me. It's a safe bet that you do not hold such an important place in my life, and I'd also be willing to wager that it is wishful thinking on your part. Almost everyone I encounter here is reasonable and super-cool, and I consider most to be friends…but it's that occasional paranoid loon who can really make you wonder what goes wrong when it comes to some people's internal wiring.

(Please note that this sign is just a joke, based on the age-old question of a wife asking her husband, “Do you think I look fat in these pants?”)

I'm not talking about simple neuroses or personal issues; we all have those to deal with in our lives. I'm not talking about those who disagree with my opinions; that's your right, but I appreciate civility if you choose to voice your own opinions here. (A better option would be to voice them on your own blog—that way you can be as vociferous as you like.) I'm talking about those who seem to hate me, yet they just can't get enough of me. That Anon a while back who wrote as multiple people, leaving comments that disparaged me or Ken...but couldn't seem to stay away. I honestly don't get the point of such behavior. I don't like everything I read, but sometimes I read things that I really disagree with because it makes for good blog fodder—it gets me to think about larger issues and situations. (It can also be highly entertaining, although sometimes I feel I need to take a bleach bath to clean off the slime.) I certainly don't feel the need to lash out at someone on their own blog, and I definitely don't believe that they are speaking directly to me, unless they make it obvious by quoting something that I've written.

I like this quote from Jean Cocteau: “What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you.”

Sounds like good advice, Jean, but I'll modify it a little. I enjoy flattery—who doesn't? I believe I'll choose to consider the source of criticism. If it comes from those who I know care about me and consider me a friend, I'll understand that it is constructive criticism and that they have my best interests at heart, or simply disagree with something I am saying. If it comes from those who want nothing more than to hate on me, my life, my family, my opinions, or my integrity, I will know that I'm doing something exactly right, and I shall cultivate it.