My Sanctuary

Times are tough, frustration
Need relief, medication
Gone too far, intoxication
Fight the urge, of temptation
Sanctuary
It's much too close, contamination
Love and pain, and deviation

~~ "Sanctuary" by The J. Geils Band

The shape of Nutwood to come

Some of you may know that the name of this blog comes from what we named our place: Nutwood Junction. Long story short, it got its name because this used to be a little unincorporated town called Nutwood, and a railroad ran through here. We still own half of the railroad bed (the railroad has long been out of commission and the rails and ties torn up), and the property across the road was the site of a small railroad depot. 

Anyway, I have always called this place "my sanctuary." When I was working, I could hardly wait to get home, stripping off my scrubs as soon as I got in the door and changing into comfy clothes, and that was never more so than during nice weather. I'd head out to the deck immediately to read the mail, get some fresh air, and just take in some nature. We have eleven acres, including a few small ponds, wetlands, and woods, and a multitude of wildlife and birds. Even on my darkest days, it renews my soul. 

That is truer than ever at the moment. The weather will get colder this weekend (that's why I never plant anything until mid-May, at the earliest) but today felt like summer was just around the corner. It got up to the mid-70s and I was able to open several windows and enjoy some fresh air. I spent a little time out on the deck sweeping it off, getting the bird feeders filled, and repairing a favorite bamboo wood chime. (Please ignore the rubber band. That was the easiest way to fix it!)

We had a big thunderstorm last night (and will probably have another one this evening) and that has really started waking things up. The trees are budding and I'm seeing some sprouts of green out front and out in the woods. It's only a matter of time before we are in full foliage. 

The world is just all kinds of fucked up right now (and none more so than this current administration) but seeing our place come back to life made me feel joyful and maybe even a little hopeful. Long after we're gone, nature will renew itself (unless we manage to fuck that up, too, and the current administration says, "Hold my beer"), and will keep on keeping on. She'd probably be better off without us. 

I honestly don't know what will happen. I worry. I worry a lot, Bevvie! (Bonus points to anyone who gets that reference.) I worry about Ken, I worry about my Mom and my sisters, I worry about Shane and Matt, I worry about our friends, I worry about friends I've never met, I worry about our local artists and musicians and restaurants...and I worry about pretty much everyone in the goddamn world. 

But today, the windows are open, the frogs are peeping in the ponds, I'm barefoot, and you know what? 

I'll take it. 

 

Getting my mind right

As expected, President Obama’s remarks yesterday in support of marriage equality caused a bunch of people to just totally lose their shit. Mostly from the right, which was no surprise, but there was some of it from the left because he didn’t say it “soon enough.” ::sigh:: I swear, the guy is damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t.

After reading some pretty nasty comments last night, I’d had enough. I made myself a White Russian, closed up the computer, and read my book. After I finished my drink, I moved my party of one into the bedroom, read some more, and watched Howard Stern on Jimmy Fallon’s show. At some point during the night (probably after the sleep timer turned off the TV), Sheeba came in and curled up with me, and we were off to Snoozeville. I woke up feeling great, and the forecast was for a beautiful sunny day. I got a really good workout done (you ARE my bitch, Elliptical!), chatted with Mom (she’s doing well and now on another medication for her blood pressure), then suited up and spent about an hour basking in the sun and reading some more. It couldn’t have been a prettier day, with a gorgeous blue sky, a hint of a breeze, and Nutwood close to its full foliage. Oh, and several birds visited the feeder while I was out there, showing no fear of my presence.
 
Man, I needed that. It might all sound terribly mundane to many of you, but it was a necessity for me today. Although I read a lot of news stories today, I mostly stayed off of Facebook, and I was happy to do so. It disturbs my sensibilities and harshes my mellow to see such vociferous discord, and I wanted no more of it on such a gorgeous day. I can always tell when I reach my limit, because it’s not only easy for me to walk away, it’s enjoyable. Tomorrow promises to be a little warmer, so I’m anticipating a re-run of today. A day so nice, I’m going to do it twice! No matter what gets thrown at me, Nutwood is always my sanctuary. I turn off and tune out all the chatter and just listen to the quiet. It gets me back to where I need to be and restores my equanimity. I hate drama, so if you try to draw me into it, you can expect my withdrawal. That’s a game I won’t play.

No quarter and no quitter

I'm sure we've all had to deal with a bully or two in our lifetime. Unfortunately, they're everywhere, in school and in the workplace, as children and as adults, online and in real life.

I've never had a tolerance for bullies; I'm not sure if it's because of a sense of injustice, or if I learned early on that people would try to intimidate me because of my small size. I remember being on the school bus when I was in high school, sitting with someone I cared about very much, and some pipsqueak in the seat behind us making a few remarks. I'd finally had it and whipped around and said, "Why don't you just SHUT UP?" Silence.

I got called a pit bull a while back based on some comments on Facebook. I don't know about that, but I do know that any sort of condescension or patronizing behavior, whether because of my gender or my lack of height, really gets my dander up. I worked hard to learn my profession, and when it comes to that, I do know what I'm talking about. I don't have all the answers, but I'm certainly not an idiot about it. As for being vertically challenged, there are still people out there who think that because I'm petite, I'm not to be taken seriously, or that I'm easily intimidated. Even if they're not much taller than me, if they've got a couple of dozen pounds on me, they think that somehow makes their opinions more...weighty. (Ha!)

I've known people who seem to have based their whole lives upon intimidation and bullying. Threats of lawsuits, threats of telling someone deep dark secrets about you, threats of trying to get money from you, threats of harassment, threats of...I don't know, blowing up the world if you don't bow to their demands and submit to their control? Give it a rest, Dr. Evil. When someone practices this as a way of life, it becomes laughable. I suppose there are people that cower under such treatment, but that person isn't me.

When someone tries doing that to me, or even worse, tries doing it to someone else I'm close to, my instinct is to get all five-foot-nothing of me right up in their face. I honestly don't know what the best tactic for dealing with a bully might be, but in my world, passivity is not an option. Over the years, I've found that most bullies back down in the face of a direct challenge. I've never gotten into a fist fight because of it, but I suppose I would if I had to. Usually the crazy-ass fury in my eyes will do the trick. I don't lose my temper often, but when I do, it's not pretty. I'll get on a step stool if I have to so that I can get in your face. I've also found that words are a highly effective tool, especially with those who are a little challenged in that regard.

Bullies seem to thrive on controlling a situation, and I've found that a confrontation can really help to defuse whatever power they think they have. They do not like to be unmasked for what they are; if they are used to getting their way through intimidation, they will not appreciate being called on it, and they will not react well to such scrutiny. They also don't react well to rationality and logic; they focus on the emotional and will do their best to draw you into their hysterics and drama. Keep your cool...it will make them even crazier, which will lessen their power over you even more.

Most bullies will end up being quitters, much like Sarah Palin. She has said that the media scrutiny is what caused her to quit as Alaska's governor. If you can't handle a little scrutiny and deal with that sort of pressure, Sarah, how in the holy hell do you think you'll handle the questions if you run for President? Oh, please do. It would be ever so much fun!

I've found that when confronted with reality, facts, and the truth, bullies will usually cut and run. I know of someone who has had a serious problem with me for several years now. It's been a lot of fun to watch them go through serious contortions as they've attempted to deal with my writings and handle my challenges to their own distorted reality. The funnest of all has been seeing them try to deal with matters of science, especially Microbiology. That's kind of my deal, and it's really sort of stupid to try to out-Microbiology me, unless you have a similar degree or experience. (Again...confront the bully and they will fold.) Over the course of a few years, they've burned through multiple blogs, at least a half a dozen. When something bothers them, they flame out and either take the blog private or delete it completely. I don't even remember how many blogs they've gone through, coming up with different cutesy names, attempting to get more readers, and ending up with a couple of family members, at the most, reading them.

I'm still hanging in there, and I'm closing in on four years of blogging.

Nutwood Junction, like the Dude, abides.