Last night, I had a dream. It seemed at the time that it was a pretty good idea for a TV show. A dramedy.
In my dream, a fairly young, fairly attractive woman lost her job and went to work at some sort of male-dominated job. Construction, or something like that. I don’t recall if this was part of my dream, or if I elaborated on it in a half-awake state, but she may have been a professor and she was a single mom. (There would be some back-story there...why is she a single mom? Why did she lose her job? Was there a scandal, or was it just downsizing? Did she not publish enough?)
At the job, she had to prove herself. She did so by being a hard worker, and by being tough enough to handle the stupid, discriminatory comments hurled at her. Apparently, there was little supervision at this job site, because the guys had a clubhouse where they could go hang out, play pool, watch porn, and drink beer. My heroine was able to hang tough and deal with all this, and even was able to teach them a few things about the trajectory of the balls while playing pool, how to brew a good beer, and even give them some information about just how things work in the porn movies...things like the money shot, and fluffers, and stuff like that. She was a virtual font of information about anything and everything, and even helped them work on their cars. I’m not sure how she gained that knowledge, but I’d write it as if it came from her dad.
She earned their trust and loyalty, and became a valuable member of the team. At first, the guys derided her and did their best to get rid of her, but she won them over with her knowledge and sense of humor. When they hurled nasty comments her way, she took the comments in stride and gave as good as she got. The guys came to appreciate her moxie and her sassiness, and some of them came to love her a little bit.
Or else they gang-raped her on the pool table the first day. It could go either way.
Note: This is in no way based on personal experience (although I’ve worked with a lot of guys over the years, and it was almost always a positive thing). It really did come from a dream I had last night. Sadly, considering the state of reality TV, I can actually see this scenario appearing on some network at some point. Maybe I should copyright it!
I've been having some unpleasant dreams lately, most of which I believe are about anxiety. Some have been downright terrifying, but most are just general, free-form weirdness with an underlying feeling of dread.
The other night was particularly bad. Things began innocently enough, with talking to my friend Aubrey (we recently had lunch, so that's where that came from), and nothing seemed amiss. Then I was talking to my friend Greg, also from the lab. Nothing weird about the conversation, which took place in the lab, but he was wearing shorts and a tank top, and that's when things started going wrong. You don't wear shorts and a tank top in the lab. It was a jarring enough inconsistency that in my dream, I sat on the floor with my legs splayed out, hung my head, and said, "This has to be a dream."
It morphed into the setting of a house I didn't know. My Mom was there, and we were sleeping in the same bed. She asked me, "Do you want to say that prayer now?" I said, "No," and she said, "Okay," rolled over and went to sleep. I was making a cat toy of feathers and tossing it up into the air, although I don't recall a cat being there. There was a woman in the house, and she was wearing an evening gown. She stood out on the balcony with the sliding glass door open, and I said, "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to close that door. It's very cold in here." She smiled and did so.
It all sounds innocent enough as I type it, but I can't begin to convey the feeling of dread, dismay, and wrongness that overlaid everything. There were several times that I thought as I did early on: "I know I'm dreaming," but it all felt so vivid and completely real that I was sure it was happening. So you can imagine my terror when my dream culminated with me lying in bed, opening my eyes, and seeing someone or something leaning over me with bared teeth and dead eyes, snarling and ready to chew my face off. As is often the case in dreams, I was paralyzed with fear, and could only moan, "Noooooo oh god nooooooo," which finally, thankfully, woke me up for real. There was a moment of heart-pounding panic, as I tried to figure out where I was, and whether or not I was awake or still dreaming. Whew.
I had another one tonight when I napped on the loveseat, but at least this one wasn't as terrifying. I was at the grocery store, and I recall being horribly unfocused and unable to complete my task. I was trying to find a 12-pack of Diet Dr. Pepper, and I could only find cases. At one point, I had a case of 7-Up in my hand, and sat it down with disgust, as in, "That's not what I want! Why am I carrying this around?" I can laugh about it now, because it sounds silly, but in my dream, I was walking endlessly back and forth in the aisle, trying to find that goddamn 12-pack of Diet Dr. Pepper. I recall wondering if they were seeing me on the security cameras and wondering what was wrong with me. I felt incapable, stupid, and incompetent. For me, that IS a nightmare! I eventually ran into my friend Jay (also from the lab), and he gave me a big hug, so that was nice. That one had a decent ending rather than the terrifying one earlier in the week.
I know it's all a reflection of the generalized anxiety I'm feeling about things in general, and I'll just ride it out as my psyche dumps all the detritus into my dreams. I can handle the vaguely unpleasant, but that one the other night is lingering. I find dreams fascinating, and I'm wondering if writing such things down will help me wrest a little control over them? Usually my dreams are fairly pleasant, if nonsensical, easily forgotten. If I continue to have these anxiety dreams, I think writing them down might help me get a handle on them.
The supermarket dream tonight had an unexpected and happy benefit, as it reminded me of one of my favorite Clash songs, "Lost in the Supermarket." Although known for their anger and outrage at the inequities of the haves vs. the have-nots, this song is almost wistful in its search for meaning in the banality of life, our society's promise of happiness through consumerism, and our increasing isolation. If you think I'm reading too much into the song, go right ahead. Songs speak to people in different ways, and this song speaks to me.
I'm all lost in the supermarket I can no longer shop happily I came in here for the special offer A guaranteed personality
I wasn't born so much as I fell out Nobody seemed to notice me We had a hedge back home in the suburbs Over which I never could see
I heard the people who lived on the ceiling Scream and fight most scarily Hearing that noise was my first ever feeling That's how it's been all around me
I'm all tuned in I see all the programmes I save coupons from packets of tea I've got my giants hit discotheque album I empty a bottle I feel a bit free
Kids in the halls and the pipes in the walls Making noises for company Long distance callers make long distance calls And the silence makes me lonely
I'm all lost in the supermarket I can no longer shop happily I came in here for the special offer A guaranteed personality
Anyone else have problems with Facebook and Twitter this morning? Twitter was completely down for a while, and Facebook was sporadic. I could pull up my messages but then couldn't get into them, for example. Both seem to have recovered now, and I was wondering if there were solar flares or something interrupting communication. Or maybe hostile aliens. Nope. According to an article on CNET, the source is human, just irritating and disruptive:
DDOS (distributed denial-of-service) attacks typically come from a collection of compromised computers called a botnet, said Graham Cluley, a senior technology consultant at Internet security firm Sophos. The botnet computers can inundate a Web site's servers with communication requests, legitimate or malformed to cause extra trouble.
Thanks, hackers, for once again proving to all of us that you have no life. I honestly don't get that mentality. Trying to compensate for their own inadequacies, I suppose. Twitter seems to be okay now, and Facebook mostly okay--still a little sluggish, but much better than it was earlier.
I haven't written about any of my odd dreams lately, but I had a good one last night. Not so much for the interesting content or any hidden meanings, but for a great one-liner that I really want to remember.
I was at some function in a church--I don't know if it was a wedding, or what. I was wearing an evening gown, but it was really an ugly one, with ruffles on the bodice, long sleeves, and an ugly rust color. Bleah! Totally not me! I escaped from the function and went out to the outdoor basketball court and was shooting baskets. There was another woman there who was about my age, but she was apparently in charge of the playground. (She reminded me vaguely of someone from high school, but I can't think of who.) She left to go do something else, and while she was gone, I noticed that there was a chunk of foam matting that was obscuring access to the basket, so I said to myself, "That's gotta go." I pulled it down, and as I was propping it up against the wire fence around the court, that piece of fencing fell down, taking the next section down with it. As I was trying to get the sections of fence back in place, I accidentally started a lawn mower that was sitting in a puddle of muddy water (I have weird dreams, remember?), and it hurled muddy water all over my dress. (Apparently, in my dreams, I'm a veritable Lucy Ricardo.) As I was struggling with all this stuff, Tony Randall happened to wander by, and I said, "Hey--wanna help me here?" He said, "I can't help you with this, I'm just an architect," and I said, "Then you're good at building things. Now help me get this fence up!"
We got the fence back in place, and that's when the woman in charge came back. When she saw what had happened, she gave me a dirty look, but didn't say anything. I went over to her and said, "Hey. Have you got a problem?" She said, "It looks as though you've been very busy," in a sarcastic tone. I said, "It was a series of unfortunate events." She made no comment, just gave me another dirty look, so I said, "Hey lady? Why don't you just sit there atop your high horse, take a look around, and enjoy it...then get off it!"
I have no idea what prompted this dream, although I would guess that it shows a bit of a problem with authority figures, which comes as no surprise to me. I should rephrase that. I have no problem with authority figures who treat others with respect, and don't abuse their authority. I have a big problem with those who are bullying jerks and throw their weight around just because they can. I'm sure we've all encountered both types.
I just love my last line in the dream about the high horse, though. I'm going to remember that one, and who knows? I might have a chance to use it one day. I'd be so happy, though, that after I delivered it in the appropriately scathing tone, I'd burst into laughter, do a happy dance, and say, "I got to use the line! I got to use the line!" That would probably detract from its effectiveness.
By the way, Barb sent me the picture today of the three of us at yesterday's rally. As you can see, none of us ever had any sort of problem with authority figures at Ball State. Nope, model citizens, all of us, never got into a speck o' trouble, never broke a rule. That was us! (teehee!)
Today is a day to put aside party politics and just party!
First, we have the Habitat for Humanity house dedication--the one that Ken has been working on with his company--at noon. That probably won't take very long, and we'll head home for a little while. (Probably watch a little football.) Later in the afternoon, we'll head over to my sister Diana's house to celebrate my Mom's 80th birthday! Her birthday isn't until the 15th, but this works out better for everyone to get together.
I would guess the odds of politics coming up at our party are about 50-50, though! This will be just my immediate family, so we're all more comfortable with each other, and based on the past week, I'd say it's very possible that someone will bring up the subject. Not me! Although I may have to continue the fine tradition of my political impersonations (I killed a few years ago with my Ross Perot) and try out my Sarah Palin...!
Last night I had a really neat dream. I was sitting at a desk in a lab, although it wasn't a lab that I ever worked in. There was an open window by my desk (which never happens in a lab, but this was a dream) with a hummingbird feeder hanging there. A hummingbird flew up, then flew in the window and hovered just a few inches in front of my face. Then I held out my finger, and he landed on it! He eventually flew away, but kept coming back, and would land on my finger anytime I held it out. It was so cool!
Then my dream took a dark turn. It morphed into our deck, and I was sitting outside. Sheeba was lounging on a table in front of me. I was holding my finger up, trying to get a hummingbird to come up to me, and I looked up into the sky. A small hawk was flying over, and I could see him look down at us. Then he dived towards us, and I thought, "He's trying to get Sheeba!" and before I could move, the hawk had grabbed Sheeba by the ear and dragged him over by the wall of the house. I was unable to move for a moment, stunned and scared. Luckily, the hawk was small and Sheeba was too big for him to carry off, but the hawk was standing over him trying to keep me away. I finally swatted at the hawk with a magazine and was able to shoo him away. Sheeba ran, and was really scared when I found him. I picked him up and was comforting him, and the poor little guy was trembling for a while.
So what's it all about, Alfie? Any guesses? I'm stumped on this one. I'm glad it had a happy ending, though, and I was able to save Sheeba. I think it was just my brain cleaning house, because I was thinking about our hummingbirds being gone and that I need to take down the feeder; I saw a hawk on the way back from the store yesterday; and Cousin Shane's incident with his cat Boris was a scary one. Put 'em all together and you get my dream. There doesn't always have to be a deeper meaning! More later!
I feel so behind...I can barely keep up with the emails about all of this stuff! For my friends from work who have emailed me, I'll get back to you as soon as possible! And for all of the folks I read, I'll get to reading your latest soon.
I've been trying to update my new info on places like Technorati, and I think I'm getting that kind of stuff taken care of. I still need to send out a mass email to relatives to tell them about the Big Move of '08. Ha ha!
I've also managed to get some things done today--a trip to the grocery store, washing a few dishes, and getting the load of laundry in the dryer folded. That would be the load that I totally forgot about last night! Agh! We also ate really late last night because we were both working on this, and I think that's why I had some very strange dreams....
In one, I was in the house where I grew up. I was walking from the kitchen to the dining room, and I was wearing a white pantsuit with white heels--I looked at myself in the reflection of the sliding glass door, and thought I looked fairly good in my white pantsuit! I went over to the dining room table, took a cigarette out of a pack laying on the table. I struck a wooden match, lit the cigarette, and took a deep drag. I looked down at the table, and there was an entire carton laying there--Marlboro Lights, if I recall. Ken had a pack laying on the table, too. I remember thinking, "What are we doing? We QUIT smoking! We've got to stop this!" I was very anxiety- and guilt-ridden.
The other dream was a very brief one, but disturbing. When Ken leaves for work, he always comes in and kisses me good-bye. In my dream, he came in and was leaning over me, kissing me on the neck, and I touched his face. His face was covered up with a scarf or something...then I realized that Ken was still laying beside me in bed! AAAAHHH! I woke up with a start, and had a ripple of goosebumps flow over me. It was the creepiest feeling!
[putting on my dream analysis hat]
These two seem fairly straightforward. It's all about anxiety. Hearing that AOL was discontinuing journals, and the subsequent scramble for information and to get this new blog up and running meant for a crazy day. As many of you know, Ken and I quit smoking over two years ago (Yay for us!), but in times of stress, my brain reverts to what I used to do to relieve stress--pick up a cigarette. Of course, that resulted in feelings of guilt, and more anxiety. The creepy neck-kissing dream was just more anxiety, but in a scarier way.
I'm hoping that my dreams will be a little more pleasant tonight, and an earlier dinner should help! (This blog is a nonsmoking establishment, by the way. But feel free to step outside if you need to. :)
Last night, I had a dream. It seemed at the time that it was a pretty good idea for a TV show. A dramedy.
