So instead of this entry being about Devo, you'll have to settle for sex. Oh, stop your bellyaching. It'll be fun!
I was quite amazed today to see a post on a forum from a young man who was a little concerned about some things that he and his girlfriend had done. This young man, whose parents have been taking him to church for many years, had engaged in some "rubbing" (I guess that would be what we used to call "dry humping" back in the day) with his girlfriend, and although he pulled away and didn't ejaculate on her, they were both freaking out and worried that she could somehow get pregnant from this.
Oh, and she is on the Pill.
Oh, and this wasn't a sixth-grader or anything like that. This was an 18-year-old. Someone who is allowed to vote. Someone who can join the military and go abroad and shoot people.
Are you freaking kidding me?!
This is pathetic. I don't know the kid's educational background, but if his school wasn't teaching him more than that, that is one stupid school. And if his parents were trying to keep some of these things from him, whether from their religious beliefs or otherwise, those are some stupid parents. Furthermore, if the kid is lame enough that he couldn't do a little research on his own and had to ask such a stupid question on a public forum, then the kid is pretty damn stupid, too. (This wasn't a bogus question, either. You could tell that it was legitimate.)
Okay, people. Let's talk about sex, baby. When it comes to sex, ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance leads to STIs and unwanted pregnancies. Ignorance can lead to infertility from STIs and the infection of numerous others. Ignorance leads to unexpected babies and children starting families before they are even out of high school. There is no excuse for ignorance. If the school isn't teaching kids about the reality of such matters, why aren't the parents? Is it because of their religious convictions? Yeah, that whole religious guilt trip really works. Is it because they think that if they don't give their kid information, the dalliances aren't going to happen? Do any of these people remember how they felt when they were 18? Good grief, it's possibly the horniest time of all.
I was appalled on three levels to read such a thing from that kid. In 2010, there are actually kids wondering if they can get their girlfriend pregnant because they came in her vicinity, even though she was on the Pill? Really? I blame many factors here, including any religion that teaches that sex is a bad and shameful thing; the parents that apparently are so uncomfortable with talking to their kid that they can't give them basic fucking information (pun intended); and I also blame the kid for not being smart enough to do his own research and find things out for himself. I had to work a little harder when I was in high school, because there was no Internet way back then, but I still managed to find information. There is no excuse for anyone today not being better informed about such matters. This is not a trivial matter; this is a matter of public health and a matter of kids being able to be themselves without the worry of a pregnancy or the worry that they are condemned to hell for the natural urges that they have.
I have no problem with anyone—parents, teachers, clergy, friends, what have you—telling a kid that it is okay to wait for a while before they have sex. But please be realistic. Abstinence-only sex education is ludicrous. Hormones run rampant, and things are going to happen. Education is key, and will always help anyone, young or old, make better choices, and possibly keep them from making some bad ones. It might even save their lives. Shame on everyone who dropped the ball for this kid, or any other kid who is so ill-informed.
In the spirit of things, enjoy this video. it's one of my favorite songs from the '80s!
It is so sad that there is still a barrier to knowledge about sex. Another reason to question religious teachings. Sad...
ReplyDeleteKnowledge is power, no doubt about it. You can't stop nature from taking its course. What is wrong with some people??? And, how did I miss this song? It f*cking rocks! (Pun intended, and, Girl U Want for me? WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!)
ReplyDeleteignorance should not be a family value.
ReplyDeleteon a slightly related tangent i just read an article about a book that examined the relationship between conservative states and high divorce/ teen pregnancy rates.
http://www.alternet.org/sex/147712/why_do_red_states_have_the_worst_%22family_values%22
xxalainaxx
A whole lot of very accurate and valid points here! Now, if only the right people would read it.
ReplyDeleteThe video made me nostalgic for my old Mr. Coffee. LOL!
You broaden my musical education marvelously! Genius video with that song, but my brain doesn't register the sounds as music. Which means you've just contributed to my pet project: continue to grow neuron connections in old age.
ReplyDeleteAnd, about the sad sex story, my experience is that there are humans still doing everything somewhere, humans still believing everything somewhere. Somebody is anchoring the ends of the bell curve! Yikes.
Unfortunately this is still an area where you get training on the job and the only people who are comfortable with sharing information with you have no more real experience than you do.
ReplyDeleteI am still waiting for the conversation with an older, more sexually experienced person to happen. When I had 'the talk' with KT a few summers past, I told her that it was precisely because no one spoke with me about relationships and sex, that I am talking to you about this now.
That and her mother asked me to!
I think it is larger than someone allowing myths and fables to determine how their children are informed about sex. Whether sex has been demonized or not, the lack of understanding of what sex represents and what it is about begins on the adult level. Because of how it affects relationships and given how many bad relationships adults have experienced, the information that they could pass on consists of data that is corrupted. The cop out of 'just say no' has no relevance in real life, with images of sexuality everywhere.
Like the fallibility of the clergy, for a parent to admit that they were like their child, scared and confused about sex is something that is hard for parents admit to.
Since most parents had to figure it out for themselves, they are comfortable with letting Missy or Junior bumble around until the grandchild fairy blesses them with grandchildren.
The shame in the silence between parents and children is that it allows for the parent to fail the child. I feel obligated to explain (and have done so) to my girls about sex, what it means and their responsiblity to themselves as far as a sexual relationship is concerned.
Whew! The little squirrel needs a breather!!
Great piece. Being uber liberal, I'm right there with you on this one Beth. I'd like parents to teach there children about sex long before most would be comfortable doing so.
ReplyDeleteSome of that comes from my own experiences with sex. I became sexually active very early(puberty hit early too), and I had little information coming in from adults on the subject(what would they really have know about gay sex anyway). That led to much confusion on my part. I'm very lucky that I didn't catch something from someone. Didn't really have to worry about the pregnancy issue, for obvious reasons. Kids are having sex earlier than their parents can imagine and many young people are going through puberty much earlier than their parents did.
Not preparing our progeny for their sexual lives is a travesty. Ignorance about sex hurts people. Knowledge about sex empowers people. It really is that simple.