Saturday, October 17, 2009

Bark like a dog!

Bark Like A Dog From our local paper today:

Woman wakes, sees man on floor

LAPORTE - A LaPorte woman looked down from her bed early Friday to find a stranger on his hands and knees.

Her husband grabbed the man, who broke loose and was last seen running out the front door of the condominium next to Pine Lake. According to LaPorte police, the man was described as white and in his late teens or early 20s. The man was further described as 5-foot-7 and slender.

He was wearing shorts and a black leather jacket that made noises whenever the intruder moved.

I'm not sure why this cracked me up so much...maybe it's because it's just so bizarre. Here's this guy, walking around in a black leather jacket (apparently a noisy one) and shorts, and he decides he's going to break into someone's house and hang out by the bed like a dog waiting for a bone? I'd sure like to know the thought process there. It's not nearly as good as the story I mentioned some time ago, about the guy on his riding lawnmower wearing nothing but a dog collar and sandals, but it's still a fun one.


Our trip to Michigan this morning was a bust, because the meat place hadn't cut up our side of beef since they didn't have room in their freezer. I would have liked to stay in bed a little longer, but nooo, had to get up to go pick up our meat that wasn't even ready!


ND football About twenty minutes until the kickoff of the Notre Dame-Southern Cal game. I hear that they hate being called Southern Cal, and want to be known as USC. That means they will always be Southern Cal to me. Go Irish! I'm nervous before the game, as always. It makes me so antsy, I can't sit still and watch the game full time. I have to walk around, putter on the computer, whatever, anything to get rid of some nervous energy. You really wouldn't like watching a game with me.

Oh my God, I just heard that Purdue upset Ohio State. And there was much celebrating at Nutwood! Huzzah!


I got a surprise phone call today from fellow blogger DB of Vagabond Journeys! I had noticed that he, a daily blogger, had missed a couple of days, and sent him an email yesterday. When I got no response, I sent an email to a mutual friend. We hadn't exchanged phone numbers, but we've exchanged Christmas and birthday cards, so he must have looked us up in the book. What a pleasant surprise! I was very relieved to hear that he is okay, just having some computer difficulties, and he hopes to be back online by the middle of the week. We had a nice chat, and I had to tell him that he has a marvelous voice, very fitting for a retired actor and radio guy!

Perhaps more later!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Would I lie to you, honey?

(Think Eurythmics.)

I told you I liked Rahm Emanuel. Based on comments, quite a few other people do, too, so I thought I'd profess my "heart" for Rahm for all to see, in case you didn't believe me. I haven't had a chance to wear this yet. Maybe I'll wear it over to my sister's next time we go over there. I'm sure my brother-in-law (a dyed-in-the-wool conservative) would just love it. What do you think, Jen? Will your Dad kick me out of the house? Haha!

And have I mentioned lately what a good sport Ken is? I'm lucky that he puts up with me.

I also hope this picture works, but I think it will. Instead of uploading from my computer, I uploaded using the URL from my Picasa page. I think you can actually click on the picture to embiggen. And yes, I wish I could do that in real life. Ha!


Could someone explain to me why this Balloon Brat is still news? If I hear one more story about this...well, there is sure to be more on the news tonight, so I'd better not commit to vomiting or anything. I don't get it. If the kid is safe, why the big deal? It was the main story on all the political shows last night...what the hell? Even Arianna Huffington, on "The Ed Show," was like, "Why are you asking me about this?" While I'm at it, I don't give a rat's ass about Jon and Kate. These dumbasses have a litter of kids and then exploit them on TV, then exploit their own divorce, and I'm supposed to care about these losers? I don't.


This will be a short entry, because I'm going to try hooking up the Wii. It seems fairly straight-forward, and I'm not hooking it into the stereo system, so I think I can do it. If not, I have Kengineer to fall back on.

Before I tackle that, though, I want to say that I just love meeting people on here with whom I am simpatico. I had a really fun chat on Facebook last night with a new Facebook friend, and I think it's just the coolest thing to be able to do that. As Bob remarked in a comment, this is a way to connect with others and realize that no matter who, what, and where they are, we're all alike in many ways, and we usually find we have something in common. I've met a lot of neat people on here, and I especially love it when I find out we share the same warped sense of humor. That makes me as happy as a little girl!

You plays the game, you takes your chances

Frank01c Tongue baths large One of the best things I’ve found on here is The Wildcat’s Lair, a comic strip blog about the relatively mild-mannered Wildcat and his cat, Frank. Various other characters come into play, including Wildcat’s long-suffering family, Frank’s catnip-hazed Uncle Kerouac, and Hip the highly allergic Dragon. And be sure to watch out for the Catta Nostra.

Anyhoo, I came across it by chance some time ago, I was an immediate fan, and Ken also loved it as soon as I showed it to him. It really is my favorite thing to read on here, and if I can manage to wait, I save it till last. (I’m not always successful in the delayed gratification category, though. Don’t you judge me!)

Well, cut off my legs and call me Shorty, Wildcat is selling calendars! We’ve been using wildlife calendars that we get for contributing to various charities, but we couldn’t pass up a Wildcat’s Lair calendar, and it has been ordered. Free shipping within the continental U.S.! So sorry, foreign countries like Alaska and Hawaii, but you’ll have to pay shipping charges. What is really cool is that he is also giving away a calendar, and you can see the rules by clicking on the picture below.

Ken and I have already taken ourselves out of the mix for a free calendar by ordering one, so your chances have improved exponentially. I hope you’ll check it out, and if your sense of humor is even half as warped as mine, I think you’ll enjoy it. Meow!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Pessimistic Generation?

First off, I would like to wish a very happy birthday to my most excellent Mom! I tried calling earlier today and they must be gallivanting around. I swear, they have a busier social life than Ken and I do. I hope to talk to her later today. Love you lots, Mom!

Rosie the Riveter I've written before about how my family has always talked politics, and an interest in such matters was always encouraged. During the election, I talked with my folks about things that were happening, especially with my Mom, but it became increasingly clear that Dad and I were on opposite sides of the court. After the election, we didn't talk much about it, but Dad would drop little hints about becoming a "socialist" country, although he said that although he doesn't like the President's policies, he (Obama) is his commander-in-chief and he will respect him as such.

A while back, Dad and I were talking on the phone, and what was it that came up...oh, it was health care, surprise, surprise. We got to talking, and things became heated. Of course, I love my Dad, and I know he loves me, but as you all know, I am quite passionate about the subject of health care reform. We eventually agreed to disagree, but I felt bad that the conversation had gotten beyond the normal bounds of civil discussion. (I'm sure plenty of people would have heard this and thought, "What? You think that's bad? You should hear my family!" But we're an easygoing bunch, and even just raising one's voice is beyond the norm for us.) Later that evening, I called up and apologized, and Dad said it's okay, honey, and we exchanged "love yous." A week later, I was talking with Mom, and she put Dad on the phone saying that he wanted to say something to me. He apologized to me, saying that he felt bad that I felt bad, and doggone it if I'm not choking myself up here! Anyhoo, bottom line is we're cool as cucumbers, we know that nothing can ever come between us...but it's probably a good idea if we don't get into further discussions like that!

One of the things that took place in the discussion was that Dad feels that he's witnessing the end of our country. I asked how he could think that, and he replied that he's seeing us becoming more and more socialist, and that republics such as ours typically last a couple of hundred years and then fail. After asserting that we are far from socialist (the free market still reigns), I wondered what he thinks has happened with England, France, and other countries, ones that are much more left-leaning than ours, but are still going strong. After discussion in this vein, I finally said that I guess that's the difference between us, because you are pessimistic about our future, and I am optimistic. I still feel that we have great things ahead of us, discoveries to be made, challenges to be met.

Optimism As I pondered this discussion later, it surprised me that my Dad, someone who is a part of the Greatest Generation, would feel this sort of pessimism. After all, he and his fellow WWII veterans (here and around the world) and those who stayed at home and kept things running, pretty much saved the world from a despotic dictator. When they returned, their hard work turned our economy into the powerhouse that it is (or was), and their belief that all things were possible if you worked hard enough is what put a man on the moon. I realize that there were problems to be dealt with concerning civil rights and women's issues, but there is no denying that the Greatest Generation did great things...why the pessimism now?

The only thing I can think that it might be is the vast social changes that we've witnessed in the past few decades. I would say that folks in my parents' generation were, by and large, a conservative bunch. I suspect that the changes we've seen in the social fabric of our country are quite jarring to many of them. My folks are pretty cool, and quite tolerant people, but these are profound changes that I'm sure make them and others feel as if their entire world is different, and not one that they entirely understand.

I'm on the tail end of the Baby Boom, on the cusp of Generation X (as is our President). We are definitely a more socially liberal group, kids when the sweeping social changes set our country on its ear. I was too young to remember a lot of that, but did some research on it as I got older. I never felt that there was anything I couldn't or shouldn't do because I was a woman, and I never felt any sort of fear or hatred of minorities, and that was thanks to my parents. I find it interesting that although they may have felt some unease at what was happening, they never imparted any sort of ideas to me that any of it was wrong.

Baby Boomers This may have had unintended consequences. As we broke down the walls between us and the rest of the world, and as communications improved, we came to see that we were part of a global economy, and it was no longer a matter of "my country right or wrong." Events of the previous eight years have shown a disastrous foreign policy that has led to widespread hatred of the U.S. in many countries. I choose to see us not as the moral arbiter of the world, but a country that can lead by example (including taking care of our own when it comes to their health care needs) and can exhibit a humanitarian attitude that wishes for the betterment of all.

I think this is where I differ with my Dad and some others of his generation: it is no longer just about us. It is no longer about how wealthy we are or how powerful we are. We do not stand alone in this world. Environmental practices on the other side of the world affect our entire planet and pose as much of a risk to us as they do to anyone else. We certainly have a moral obligation to help those in need in our own country, but we cannot focus merely on that and ignore the rest of the world. As Roland the Gunslinger says, "The world has moved on." And we are part of it, whether anyone likes it or not.

I'll close with a song from one of my favorite bands, The Rainmakers.

Spend It On Love

You tell of man who took a hundred dollars
Spent it on lottery tickets and beer
Won a couple of million, left his wife and children
Lived himself to death in a couple of years

Should have spent it on love
Spend it on his children
Spend it on the ones who need it the most
Take your little bundle put her in a basket
Leave her on the doorstep of her future home

I hear of an army taking lots of money
Spending it on guns and rows of barbed wire
Blew it all away
Their homeless and their hungry
Had to bite the bullet
Taste the bloody war

Well Johnny in the belly of a billionaire,
Swallowed by the music he played
Gonna have to ride that camel through the eye
Of a phonograph needle someday

I hear of a country
Where they say the city's all have pretty streets
That are paved with gold
They may not be gold
But they were built by people
Paying heavy taxes for a dream they still hold

Spend it on love
Spend it on the children
Spend it on the ones who need it the most
Take your little bundle put her in a basket
Leave her on the doorstep of her future home

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Why yes, I AM ready to rock

Health insurance companies Before I get to the fun stuff, a little bit about health care reform.

All right, I heard those groans. I won't keep you past the bell, I promise, but I think this is something worth noting. This is from an article on Politics Daily, and it concerns the report released by the health insurance industry (a report paid for by a health insurance trade group) stating that a health care reform bill would raise the costs of everyone's premiums.

After the health insurance industry released a report Monday attacking Democrats' plans for health reform, it appears that the insurance lobby and the White House have abandoned all hope of working together on the issue, the Washington Post reported Wednesday. The White House had spent months courting the industry for input on reform, but the report and the ensuing battle of rhetoric suggests that insurers have become the administration's chief enemy in the health care battle.

The health insurance lobby was a key player in defeating reform 15 years ago under President Clinton. Obama had hoped to avoid a similar showdown by inviting various industry groups -- hospitals, drug makers and insurers -- to participate in the negotiations. But after the critical report funded by America's Health Insurance Plans (AHIP) hit Washington earlier this week, the gloves came off.

"The insurance industry has decided to lead the charge against health reform, and everyone recognizes their motives: profits," White House deputy communications director Dan Pfeiffer said. "We are going to make sure they can't sink this effort at the last minute."

Insurers, meanwhile, responded with one of the oldest tactics in the book: spreading concern among senior citizens that they will lose their current benefits. AHIP launched a multi-state ad campaign warning seniors that Democratic legislation would take away benefits they receive from private Medicare accounts.

It seems abundantly clear to me that health insurance companies are opposing this so vehemently for one reason and one reason only: it will cut into their obscene profits.

I'm not talking about hospitals or doctors or people who actually deliver the health care. This is about insurance companies who dictate whether you will or will not get treatment, and tell you whether they will or will not pay for it. For anyone who thinks that the insurance companies are motivated by concern for patients and helping them get the care they need, I have to wonder (as Mark said in a comment), "Are you HIGH?" If you are unable to get beyond the mistaken belief that this is going to lead to "socialized medicine," if you are incapable of feeling compassion for others who might not be in as good a position as you when it comes to being able to afford health care, if you can turn a blind eye to your fellow citizens who are suffering and yes, dying because they cannot get insurance because of a pre-existing condition, if you are so rock stupid that you can't comprehend that there may come a day when you won't be able to afford insurance or you get deathly ill and max out your coverage or you have to declare bankruptcy because you can't pay your medical bills...even if you are unable to grasp any of these simple concepts, perhaps you can understand cold, hard cash. That is exactly what the insurance companies are concerned about: getting yours and keeping theirs. Let their opposition to a health care reform bill be a clue to you. They don't want this because it will cut into their profits, and they obtain those profits from you. Don't let them keep doing this to the American people.

[stepping down one level on my soapbox]

Rinnnggggg! See? I timed that perfectly.

Rock Band Now for the fun stuff! When I went out to get the mail today, there was a huge box sitting on the steps. The new Rock Band's here! The new Rock Band's here! A little while later (while I was putting everything together, in fact), the UPS guy came by with the mike stand. So the instruments are all set up and ready to go, now we're just waiting for the Wii itself, the other software, and the other guitar. I swear, we must have an Amazon distribution center around here, because when did I order this stuff? Monday evening? That was fast.

Yes, that is a curio cabinet full of penguins. Why do you ask?

I talked to Ken's Mom today, and Ken had mentioned to her that maybe we'll have his stepbrother and his wife over when they're here for Thanksgiving, and play some Rock Band. Ken's Mom said, "Heck with that—I might want to play, too!" Now that would be a sight to see!

One thing I've heard about this is that it's brought some classic rock to a whole new group of kids who have never heard a lot of it before. Hard to argue with that. I'd like to know where the Kinks are, though! I'm sure there are all kinds of licensing agreements that have to be dealt with, so not every band or song I love is going to be included. On the next edition, I want to see "Are You Ready for the Sex Girls?" Make it happen!

Oh, and thanks Lisa, for telling me how much you love it. Hearing that a fellow rock chick has so much fun with it tells me that I'll enjoy it, too. I can't say I'll get into "Talk Dirty To Me" as much as you did, but I'm definitely looking forward to getting into some Blondie and Devo. Haha! Hey, I feel an uncontrollable urge for a little Devo right now. (And yes, this song is on the game. Yay!)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Revisiting an Infection Connection

Flu shot It seems timely to mention an old entry about Influenza. In that entry from almost a year ago, I wrote mainly about the 1918 Spanish Flu pandemic, but Influenza is a growing concern at the moment. The CDC reports that 37 states have widespread flu activity; data show that we are not into seasonal flu yet, and that these are swine flu (H1N1) cases.

The first wave of H1N1 was relatively mild, but we're already seeing it get nastier on this go-round. Sadly, an 11-year-old girl died in our city last week of this strain of influenza. Some schools in our area are showing a 20% absentee rate. I don't see any reason to panic, but continue to be careful. You've all heard the precautions (And we should all be practicing them! My personal favorite is the Dracula Sneeze.), and there is plenty of information about symptoms, vaccinations, and generally all things flu at a great website called I'll get my flu shot through Ken's workplace this year, although I have to admit I'm getting a little antsy about not having gotten it yet. There will be plenty available eventually, but initial demand was incredibly high. When the H1N1 shot becomes widely available, I will get that one, too. Now that I'm not working at the lab, I'm not in a high risk category anymore, so others should get it before me. I could probably stretch it since I have the beginnings of emphysema, but plenty are at higher risk than I am, so I'll wait my turn.

I don't see this becoming as lethal as the 1918 outbreak, because our preparedness is much higher than it was then. But that's the thing about viruses, and what I wrote about in my entry from a year ago...they can change so profoundly that they can take everyone by surprise. Stay cautious, and keep washing those hands! And if you were smart enough to buy stock in any company that makes hand sanitizer, you're probably feeling quite smug and pleased with yourself right about now, aren't you, Mr. and Ms. Smartypants?


Speaking of health, the Senate Committee Finance bill was voted on today, and passed 14-9, with Olympia Snowe of Maine being the lone Republican to vote for it. Hail, Olympia! (Joe Lieberman continues to show that he's not exactly sure what he thinks about things, or who he wants to be when he grows up, and voted no.) There is still plenty of work to be done, and I still want to see that public option as part of the mix, but I am encouraged. I'm also reading that there is a certain "air of inevitability" in Washington right now concerning this, with many feeling that there will be something passed this year. I feel it, too.

Oh, and did you hear about that Colorado baby who was initially denied coverage because he was over the top of the weight chart? In other words, they told his parents that he was "too fat." The father was pretty funny, saying something like hey, he's a's not like we can put him on the Atkins diet or on a treadmill. The insurance company quickly moved to rectify the situation, and the kid can get insurance now.

And people have the gall to talk about rationing under a health care reform bill, or a government bureaucrat coming between a doctor and their patient? Crackuh, please. Just what in the holy hell do you think insurance companies have been doing all these years? What a stupid argument.


Good Rush Bad Rush I don't like to write much about this gasbag, because I think it's a waste of space, but I found Rush Limbaugh's word association exercise in an interview broadcast on "The Today Show" an interesting one.

President Obama: "Disaster"
Michelle Obama: "Garden. Plants a garden out there."
Former President Jimmy Carter: "An utter disgrace and embarrassment."
Sarah Palin: "Misunderstood and underestimated."
Former President Bush: "Most decent, down-to-earth real man you'd ever hope to meet."
Glenn Beck: "Look what I have spawned. Glenn Beck to me is 'Right on, Daddy-O.' "
Hillary Clinton: "Nurse Ratchet."

I think a good psychologist (maybe I need to enlist my pal Dr. Will) would be able to read much into his responses. One of the most telling is his response to Michelle...the woman is a lawyer, a Princeton graduate, and all he can say is that she planted a garden? Could he be any more condescending and dismissive of such a strong woman? Hmm...Oedipal complex? Then there's Beck: "Look what I have spawned." Delusions of godhood and grandeur. Sarah Palin is “misunderstood and underestimated?” Well, that's just stupid, and quite possibly indicative of full-blown psychosis, but apparently he prefers empty-headed fluff who will see him as a conduit to a position of power and look up to him as some sort of father figure. The exact opposite of a strong, intelligent woman like Michelle Obama, or Hillary Clinton, which brings us to what is probably his most offensive remark here, comparing Secretary of State Clinton to Nurse Ratchet. The guy obviously has issues.

This kind of makes me feel good, though, because based on his opinion of the women mentioned in this, I'm reasonably certain that he would seriously dislike me. I'm cool with that.


Rahm Emanuel - Hottie To cleanse my palate after writing about that bloated bag o' foul wind, I'll mention Rahm Emanuel. I don't know all the details, but it seems that GQ magazine has picked him at the top of their list of influential people. I'm not sure if there is more to it (perhaps a sartorial element), but Rahm is #1! And still a hottie. We really aren't hearing much about Rahm these days, but I'm betting that he's working hard behind the scenes, kicking ass and taking names, not later, but right then so he knows that people know they're on his List. Keep being the Enforcer, Rahm, and do some of that on health care reform, how about it?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Are you ready to rawwk?!

Silver Squirrel Award We have co-winners of the Silver Squirrel Award, with my Route 66 pal Lulu knowing that the show was "Police Squad!" and the actor was Leslie Nielson. Tim knew the other part of the question, that the movies based on the show were the Naked Gun movies. Milwaukee Dan #2 also knew the show and actor, but weighed in after Lulu and Tim. Nicely done, folks, and I love it that so many of you share my enjoyment of pop culture trivia.

Can you believe "Police Squad!" ran for only six episodes? I really need to get that DVD collection, because it's still funny stuff. As Dan pointed out, the opening theme song is awesome. For those of us who remember the cop shows from the 60's and 70's (A Quinn Martin production!), "Police Squad!" was a hoot. Look up some clips on YouTube if you get a chance. I still find the movies funny, too, although it's odd to see O.J. Simpson playing in a rather sympathetic film role. He certainly does take a beating, though. Hmm, I don't think we have those movies, either. Must rectify that situation.

As for my "-pedia" entry yesterday, Darren, I totally forgot about Dickipedia, the Wiki of people who are dicks. A friend of mine sent that to me a while back, and it would have been a fine addition, as is it another genuinely funny one, well-written, and clever. (Thanks for the reminder, Darren!) I liked the entry on Michele Bachmann:

DickipediaIn addition to being a dick, Bachmann's track record has proven she is also a full-fledged nutjob. The type of person that makes you turn to your friend the moment she gets up to use the bathroom and mouth "She's craaaaaaazy," complete with hand motions and bug-eyes.

While Bachmann has always been a local dick, she didn't come onto the national dick scene until the 2008 election when she accused Barack Obama and many members of Congress of being "anti-American."

Like her pal Palin, Bachmann is deceptively attractive. While Palin is attractive in a "if she just put down that gun, took off those glasses, and started forming complete sentences" sort of way, Bachmann has the whole girl next door thing working for her. But only if you grew up next to an insane asylum.

So Saturday night was my sister Diana's Beatles Rock Band party. We figured we'd go and hang out a while, be spectators rather than players, not make a late night of it...screw that! Maybe it was the shot of Blavod black vodka courage I did before we started playing (Who knew there was such a thing as black vodka? Where does my sister find this stuff?), but I joined in singing backup pretty quickly, and I think Ken sat down on the very first song to play the drums. I eventually sang lead on some songs, and although I think I'm really a crummy singer, I did better than I expected, and even did okay on some of the harmonies! I tried drums once and really sucked, so that will take some practice. Man, I had no idea how much fun that would be. We didn't leave until after 2 AM, because we were all having so much fun. Oh, and I only took one picture, of Ken at the drums, because I was having too much fun playing. My brother-in-law took more, so I'll see if he'll send them to me.

Ken at drums Of course, this got Ken and I talking about getting a Wii. We had talked about it when we played it at our friends Kim and Steve's place, but decided not to spend the money. We were kind of thinking that way this time, too, but Ken came up with the brilliant idea of using American Express rewards points to get it, and has already ordered a Wii, a guitar, a sports pack, and the software for classic rock songs. I'll use the points that I have on my card to get some gift cards to use at the grocery store, then we'll order the rock band bundle (drums, guitar, and mike) and the original software from Amazon tonight. A little creative financing there, but it should let us order this stuff without spending anything except the points we earn through the credit cards. How cool is that?

I've never been much of a gamer, but Rock Band changes everything. I think I'll even take a cue from my pal Greg and tie a scarf on the mike stand, a la Steven Tyler. To paraphrase Stevie Ray Vaughn, if Nutwood's rockin', don't bother knockin'...come on in!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Dead parody sketch

Dead parrot [With thanks to Monty Python]

I continue to be amused at Conservapedia and its unintentionally hilarious entries. Did you know that the Nobel prize is an "often-politicized award that is criticized for increasing evidence of bias and possibly even corruption"? Also, did you know that "it has been ostensibly given for achievements in physics, chemistry, medicine or physiology, literature, and peace"? "Ostensibly?" Gee...last I knew, it was considered to be one of the highest honors in the world. Hmm, I wonder what changed? One of the things the entry mentions is that the award is never given to those who question evolution. That's because any scientist worth his or her salt knows that good science supports evolution! Gahhhh.

Although Conservapedia reads like a parody website to many of us, it isn't. However, there are some fun and notable such sites out there that use the same Wiki platform as Wikipedia, with user-generated content. I present to you some of those I found (along with some random excerpts), with a couple of them being non-parody sites...but like Conservapedia, they can also be unintentionally funny. I think what is even funnier is that there are some people that think these are real. As one article about parody websites observed, "You either know the facts to be able to laugh and enjoy these parody websites, or you have been duped and taken in by them." A friend on Facebook often posts articles from the Onion, and invariably one of his friends will write something like, "That's horrible!" or "How can anyone do such a thing?" Then he has to explain that it's from the Onion, it's not real, blah di blah blah. I get the impression that some people are just missing the satire gene, or have microscopic senses of humor.

Warning: Some of these sites contain a lot of foul language and are not for the fainthearted or for those at work who are playing on the Web rather than doing actual work.

Encyclopedia Dramatica First up is Encyclopedia Dramatica, with the motto "In lulz we trust." They focus especially on Internet culture, but include entries on current events and topics. I'm not easily offended, but there is really some nasty stuff here! Some is genuinely funny, but some is groan-worthy, as in, "Ohhh, did you really have to say that?" On their main page, they include a section called The Moar You Know, with tidbits like "Did you know...that you'll need at least two sticks of butter and two ounces of cream cheese for a Paula Deen recipe?"

Random page:

Twice is defined as once more than once and once less than thrice (also called "three times"). If you've done something twice you're either a big fan of it or just really stupid. Twice can also be used as an intensifier for threats, especially if you're an Internet tough guy: "Listen, asshole, if you cross me again I'll kill you - twice."

Bigipedia is not really an encyclopedia website, but a UK radio show based on a fictional website, a parody of Wikipedia. On the main page, there is a section titled the BigiMedic questionnaire, an automatic diagnosis hotline.

Just simply complete the questionnaire. Answer truthfully - if you lie we will know.

First question - Are you conscious?

Thank you. Are you -

  • at home
  • not at home
  • at knifepoint
  • half in and out of a car
  • next to a war

Deletionpedia Deletionpedia is actually legitimate. It is the repository for the things that get deleted from Wikipedia. I have to wonder...why would you want to read stuff that has been deemed irrelevant, boring, or untruthful? Just read Sarah Palin's book when it comes out! Hahaha! I couldn't resist.

Random page:

Freddie's Master Plan, real name Gulliver Martin, is a London based solo rock artist who was also one of the founding members of the Mental Melons and Ruptured Duck in the 90's. Deleted because Band is unsigned, according to their Myspace page; no evidence of notability.

Ouch, man!

Uncyclopedia Uncyclopedia bills itself as the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit. I find this one genuinely funny and well-written, with some pages containing warnings that "this entry may be Overly British" or "this entry may contain factual material." Many contain bogus Oscar Wilde quotes. The entry on "People" wonders if you may have arrived there accidentally.


Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Assholes?

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Soylent Green?

Random page:

Bacon fat is fat derived from bacon. During World War II, the Allied forces discovered that it carried unparalleled incendiary properties, and successfully deployed it to undermine the German V2 rocket program.

To obtain and conserve the precious commodity, a major propaganda campaign was undertaken within Allied countries and airdropped into enemy territory, such that fear of the substance would reduce the need for its actual use.

Stupidedia Stupidedia pretty much says what it is, with its logo stating that it's the encyclopedia without sense.

Random page:

Gorillas (latein: Jelena) sind gelatinöse Lebewesen, die im Regenwald leben und wie die Schimpansen ihre eigenen Kinder fressen. Ihre Existenz ist allerdings bis heute umstritten.

Oh, did I forget to mention that it's in German?

Devil's Wiki The Devil's Wiki is not about stripping down to the Devil's Pajamas (i.e., your birthday suit) and dancing around a bonfire while someone strikes you about the torso with a live chicken. I'm sorry, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the Devil's Wiki. (That was some vivid imagery running through my mind for a moment there.) This site is intended to be an update of Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary, and some of you may remember that I'm a big Ambrose Bierce fan. Mark Twain was witty and cutting; Ambrose Bierce could flay you alive with his words. Ambrose Bierce was a human ginsu knife. This site has potential, but is poorly written and has very few entries. I hope it gets expanded.

Not-so-random page, with apologies to my conservative friends:

Conservatism is a term used to describe the practice of ignoring newly discovered reason and logic. The term has become synonymous with factors such as white superiority, military power and corporate greed. It is used as a political platform as a means of false promises.

Christopedia To counteract the Devil's Wiki, we have Christopedia. This one isn't a parody, but like Conservapedia, has its humorous moments. For example, the writeup of Barack Obama includes this:

Obama is the first mulatto, and first person having ties to a known terrorist, to win enough support for the presidential nomination of any major American political party, and to be elected President of the United States. As winner of the U.S. presidential election of November 4, 2008, Obama was sworn in as America's first Affirmative Action President on January 20, 2009 in a lavish inaugural ceremony at the U.S. Capitol. Although it is claimed that Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii this has been widely disputed.

Mulatto? Who even uses that word anymore? "Affirmative Action" President? That's not all that funny...that's actually pretty offensive. And since when was an inauguration not a lavish event? Of course, they had to throw in some birther lunacy for good measure. No random pages here--they were all pretty boring, except for the ones written by hackers. Like the one on the Holy Ghost. The entry merely says, "BOO!"

Liberapedia The liberal response to Conservapedia? Liberapedia, of course! This site is half-satire, half-serious, and half-snark. [grin]

Random page, with a nice dig at Son of Schlafly:

Freedom means choosing for yourself what you do do long as you don’t do harm. Freedom means people in power can’t stop you from doing reasonable things. Freedom means living in a Democracy where you can do your bit to choose your rulers. Freedom means the state protects you from bullies. Bullies can be men who say they are men of God and think you should be punished for your sins. When the men of God do harm nobody punishes them in the United States. Bullies can mean bosses who give you hardly any pay and make you work in bad conditions for long hours. Bullies can mean other types of people as well.

Freedom means you can do edits you think are right on a Wiki that suits you. Liberals are free here. Conservatives can perhaps be free on other websites. Nobody except Andrew Schlafly is free on Conservapedia.

Illogicopedia I kind of like Illogicopedia; it appeals to the surrealist in me. However, a little goes a long way. They say their site is "The nonsensical encyclopedia that anyone can mess up. Proudly making posts vaguely more interesting and longer than Twitter since some time in the past." Some entries are complete nonsense, but the funniest ones make a little sense in a very silly way.

"Randumb" page:

Slightly Depressed Rainbows are very rare but a sight to see.

Unlike a regular rainbow which has the colors Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet; a slightly depressed rainbow has the colors Black, Blood Red, Pale Blue, Faded Yellow, Dark Turquoise, Gray, and Light Brown. Unlike a fully depressed rainbow, which is all black, a slightly depressed rainbow is a little bit happier. A regular rainbow uses the acronym ROYGBIV, a slightly depressed one uses the acronym BRBPBFYDTGLB which has been deemed a pronounceable acronym by the National Acronym Association. Speech expert Mark Stewart says it should be pronounced Brebpebfuhyeedtiggleba. If you see a slightly depressed rainbow, give him a cookie, he won't be as depressed anymore.

Encyclopedia of stupid The Encyclopedia of Stupid claims to be about "All things stupid. May include this website." Each entry begins with "[whatever] is stupid."

Random page (this really made me laugh):

Scientology is stupid.

Scientology is a cult invented by noted science fiction hack Elron Hubbard. In a drunken bet with fellow hack Arthur C. Clarke, Hubbard boasted that he could create a religion based on science fiction characters and get most of Hollywood to join it and give it money. Clarke took the bet and the rest is history.

Clarke was reportedly incensed at Hubbard's success and made a side bet with Hubbard that there was no way he could get an A-list celebrity Scientologist to kidnap and brainwash a young starlet half his age and subsequently get him to go on Oprah and dance on a couch. Hubbard took the bet, and although he died before he could witness the outcome of their challenge, in 1984 Tom Cruise succeeded in bringing it to a finale.

Wickerpedia Last, but not least, there is Wickerpedia. Yes, a Wiki devoted to wicker. There is currently only one entry, know...wicker, but since Wickerpedia's launch in 2001, they've been working on 604,099 articles. Fun facts from the main page...

Did you know that American statesman John Milledge named Athens, Georgia, the city surrounding the University of Georgia, after Athens, Greece, the city where wicker was first used to make tables?

On this date in 1937, Camille Chautemps became Prime Minister of France in the second Popular Front ministry. Wicker was declared the national building material.

Who knew? Reminds me of a show in the early 80's, an all-too-brief run of a satire of police shows. The main character is walking down a dark street in the city, in what looks to be a rather seedy part of town, and walks by a "24-hour wicker store." A Silver Squirrel Award to anyone who can tell me the name of the show, and the movie franchise (three movies) based on it, as well as the silver-haired actor who played in both the TV series and the movies.

This entry was meant just for fun, but there is a deeper message here. Just because you read it on Teh Interwebs doesn't mean it's true. You know the saying "If it seems to good to be true, it probably is?" When it comes to forwarded emails or some websites, if the story seems beyond belief, outlandish, or deliberately outrageous, it's probably either false or meant to be funny. If you can't pick up on that, the joke is on you.