Abuser-In-Chief

I should have changed my fucking lock

I would have made you leave your key

If I'd have known for just one second

You'd be back to bother me

Oh now go

Walk out the door

Just turn around now

You're not welcome anymore

~~ “I WIll Survive” by Cake (their version)

I read an interesting article by Josh Marshall at TPM today which was titled “The Bomb Bursts. It Will Keep Happening.” He had many good things to say, but this really jumped out at me:

We also elected a President who is an abuser and a predator. I’ve analogized him before to an abusive man in an abused household—only his house is now the country, now with all the cumulative exhaustion, warped perceptions and damage that are the common lot of people living with and trapped with violent predators, addicts or people with certain profound mental illnesses.

It had never occurred to me until I read that just how much he is like an abusive boyfriend or husband or partner. I’m certainly not the only one who has had to deal with that in the past and this was definitely a gut punch. As a friend pointed out, there is the gaslighting, too.

Jeebus, the grievances, the criticisms, the “no one will ever love you like I do” (AKA “I alone can fix it”), the verbal tirades, the efforts to wear you down to the point where you just say, “Whatever...I can’t do this anymore tonight. I’m going to bed,” and then him not letting you rest, following you in and continuing to yell at you and harangue you and tell you all about how you have let him down and upset him. Then the pity party when you get, “I’m so sorry, I’ll never do that again, please forgive me!”

So you do. And the cycle continues until you’re afraid to come home from work because you have no idea what kind of mood he’s going to be in and what you are going to say or do that will set him off.

Sound familiar?

For me, personally, the cycle broke when my personal yam called me a “stupid shit.” I lost it and yelled, “Don’t ever call me stupid!” And that was what began the unraveling process. It wasn’t easy and it got pretty ugly when he went around town talking shit about me (does that also sound familiar?), but I made my break and moved on.

The so-called “president” is our nation’s abusive boyfriend. He has no qualms about calling a large segment of our country “stupid shits.” He does not want to represent us and his fragile, bruised ego will countenance no disagreement. He wants to dictate, not lead.

The abusive boyfriend or spouse is an unfit partner.

Donald Trump is an unfit “president.”

Make your stand

Sit back and look for the warnings

The future's bright and alarming

Sit back and look for the warnings

~~ “Knights of Shame” by AWOLNATION

Where do I start?

I know I’m not the only one feeling disgusted and heartsick after watching the Charlottesville event unfold this weekend.

I went from ridicule and hilarity (Tiki torches? Really?) to disgust (didn’t we fight these wars already, you inbred crackers?) to horror (seeing the car plow through people, empty shoes on the ground as people were literally thrown out of their shoes).

We went to a South Bend Cubs baseball game today, and I paid extra attention to the national anthem as it was sung. We had a mixed-race couple in front of us, and some Spanish-speaking people behind us. The lady next to me spoke both English and Spanish and we shared a few laughs about various things during the game. They were all into the game, cheering for our Cubs. There were obnoxious kids, there was a little girl with her face covered in nacho cheese, there were kids catching foul balls. We drank beer, ate hot dogs, I probably got a little sunburned, but I had myself a good time.

At one point, I thought, “This is who we are.”

I thought of my Dad and three of his brothers who all enlisted to fight in WWII. My Dad was in North Africa and Italy, my Uncle Burt was in the Pacific, my Uncle Les was in Italy and suffered hearing damage from the Battle of Anzio, and my Uncle Ted was a paratrooper who was poised to invade Japan. The story in our family is that my grandma cried herself to sleep every night worrying about her four sons in the war.

My Dad and my uncles fought this war already and if we have to fight it again, in our own country, we will do so.

We will not be defined by a group of fascists who exist simply to hate others. We didn’t fight a Civil War for nothing. We didn’t fight the Nazis for nothing. We didn’t fight for women’s right to vote for nothing, we didn’t fight the Civil Rights battles for nothing, and we didn't fight for marriage equality for nothing.

We fought FOR something. We fought for people to be safe, free, and unoppressed. We fought for equal rights and for the right of everyone in this country to be protected from discrimination and hatred. Our fellow countrymen and women were willing to give their lives, face jail time, and suffer beatings in order to defend those freedoms. They fought to advance America’s ideals and make our country a better place for everyone. We cannot and must not let their sacrifices be for nothing.

There is no room here for white supremacists who push an agenda of hatred. We must make it clear that they are the minority and while they have the right to voice their hateful opinions, we have the right to challenge them and voice our own opinions. We can and will condemn them for their hate.

Matt and I will be attending a solidarity rally downtown tomorrow evening. I want to be a part of inclusiveness and positivity rather than hate and negativity.

I also need to say that when I watched the “president’s” remarks on the situation yesterday, I was utterly appalled. He refused to call it what it was, far-right domestic terrorism, and in a moment when he had the chance to console us and reassure us, he simply read the remarks that were written for him and refused to condemn FUCKING NEO-NAZIS. I mean, how hard is it to say, “Neo-Nazis are bad!” This was a big test of his leadership skills, and I was unsurprised (but still shocked) that he failed miserably.

In the absence of leadership, it is up to all of us to step up and make our stand.

As my friend Leanne commented a while back, I choose to stand for truth, justice, and rock and roll!