When my immediate family got together recently on Memorial Day, my sister Diana and I were talking about our glasses. Diana has always had really bad eyes, but recently had cataract surgery and they replaced her lenses with corrective ones, so she no longer has to wear glasses! (I keep saying in a whiny voice, “Awww man, I wanna have cataracts!”)
My eyes aren’t as bad as Diana’s are (or were), but they’re still pretty bad. One doctor said that for all intents and purposes, I’m blind in my left eye. I can still see shapes and light, but when it comes to driving or being, you know, functional, I have to either have my contact lenses in or wear my glasses. On Memorial Day, I happened to be wearing my contact lenses. My last pair of glasses was rather horrendously expensive, something like seven or eight hundred dollars, only partially paid for by insurance. That was our topic.
Me: Yeah, it’s extra for a stronger prescription, plus I had to get bifocals.
Diana: Yep. Then you have to have them beveled, otherwise they’re so thick they look like Coke bottle glasses. And then you really need to get that reflective coating on them.
Me: Yeah. Not cheap.
Mom: Oh my goodness! Well, do you still wear your glasses?
Me: Oh yeah, most of the time, actually.
Mom: Are you wearing them now?
[moment of silence]
Me: Yes. Yes, I am. They’re invisible. That’s why they’re so expensive.
Mom immediately realized what she’d said, and started cracking up, and then we all cracked up. I told her she’s not going to live that one down!
We all make bonehead comments once in a while. One of my more memorable ones was when our friends Kim and Steve were visiting, and we were talking about what to have for dinner. I happened to think of something I had recently tried, and I asked Steve, “Do you like couscous?” He said, “Yeah, it’s okay.” I said, “Well, I’m not making that tonight.” He just lost it. I realized how it had come out, and we still laugh about it. It’s the job of family and friends to keep those little nuggets tucked away for safekeeping, and to occasionally trot them out for fun. For those of us who have uttered such pearls of wisdom, it’s our job to laugh along...and wait patiently for the moment when our tormentors make their own silly remark that we can hide away for later.