I'll admit to feeling a little paranoid and wondering about how many others had defriended me. Not very many...most of those that I've ended up friends with are still there. As I was looking at a couple of pages, I came across a posting between a couple of mutual friends in which one asked the other if they'd gotten any information about the reunion, that a couple of people from our class were working hard to get in touch with everyone. This was our 30th reunion.
Here's the thing...I am friends with several people on there, and I didn't hear one word from anyone about the reunion. No invitation, no phone call, no Facebook message or email.
I have mixed feelings about this. First of all, I wouldn't have gone, anyway. Let's just say that I wasn't sorry to say goodbye to my high school years, and when I got to college, I finally felt like I came into my own and was able to be my own person. But I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't a little hurt by this. I know that I wasn't one of the popular kids, I wasn't a jock...I was a bookworm, and kind of a nerdy kid, I guess. I wore glasses, I wasn't real pretty, and I was a quiet, shy person. I didn't have it bad like some kids, being bullied or getting beaten up--I don't mean to give that impression. I had friends, and I went to games and stuff like that.
But I also felt a mixture of amusement and puzzlement. I know that I wasn't so invisible that people don't remember me...we are friends on Facebook, after all. Am I somehow so out-of-bounds from the norm that I am persona non grata? Are my opinions so abhorrent to others that they don't even want to be around me, or take the risk that if they sent me an invitation, I might actually show up? Thus the title of this entry...am I somehow the crazy aunt stashed away in the attic of the Class of '80? I had this mental image of walking into the joint and people flashing the sign of the Evil Eye at me, women fainting, men screaming, "Don't look her in the eye!" Honestly, what the hell? Hahaha!
I spent a little time pondering it all. As I said, I felt somewhat hurt, but then that was much of my high school experience, anyway! After I got past that, I felt okay about it. I was always kind of an outsider or alien, never really fitting in with any group (and there are always groups in high school), and I somehow find it something of a comfort to know that I've always made my own way and been my own person. If there are times in my life when I haven't fit in, I would much rather deal with that than try to be something I'm not. It took me a while to gain some self-confidence and know that I was a person of value, after years of not being really accepted and years of religious guilt and indoctrination. I finally found my voice, my niche, my talent, and my true friends. I'm happy about that.
I'm also happy about being strong enough to break away from what is considered "normal" in these parts and make my own choices and own decisions. In a conservative, religious, socially restrictive environment, I chose my own way. I didn't do it just for the sake of rebellion; I took many years to consider things and come to the conclusions I did. I got many good lessons and values from my parents, but ultimately, it is up to each of us to make our own way and be true to ourselves after learning and growing and exploring.
If the past thirty years have led me to the point that I feel that I am my own person, I will happily accept feeling a little excluded from certain groups. I'm cool with being the crazy aunt in the attic.