Proton Girl

I’ve been reading through some old correspondence and writings in order to consolidate and categorize a few things.

As I read through some of this stuff and discuss it with a handful of friends and family, we are all astounded at the level of negativity that was present in all of it. I’ve encountered negative people in my life before, and you usually have one or two of them in the workplace, but in all my years, I honestly have never seen it carried out to this degree. It’s a constant litany of perceived wrongs or slights, delusional ramblings about how everyone else screwed everything up or screwed people over, and endless missives concerning dereliction of duty on our part (when there was none). In fact, when I can eventually write about this in more detail, you will be surprised to learn just how much duty there was. The writing is just stunning in its rewriting of history, on the level of teabagger rewriting of history.

This rewriting of history came about because of anger and bitterness, and although I’ll cop to having a certain amount of that myself over various issues throughout the years, I’ve never seen it carried through to this extent. I try my best to not let it get the better of me, and to maintain my cheerful and optimistic demeanor, and for the most part, I think I succeed. I have not let myself get to the point where I am so paranoid and so angry about so many things that I let it affect my dealings with most people. But in reading all of this stuff, both Ken and I agreed that we have had to put up with a lot of shit over the years, and that it will be a pleasant day when we can bid it a not-so-fond farewell. In fact, there might actually be a party involved. Not because we will be so happy about being absolved of the “duty,” but because we will be so glad to leave the negativity behind. (Not that we think the negativity will stop visiting our blogs! haha)

I recently went to a birthday party for the husband of one of my former coworkers. I talked to a few of my coworkers most of the night, and although I haven’t worked there for three years, we had a great talk and a great time laughing together. Of course, there have been many coworkers I’ve lost touch with over the years, mostly due to living out of the area, but I don’t doubt that seeing them would be fun and we’d enjoy getting caught up. I honestly can’t imagine living the kind of life where you make enemies constantly, where you can’t work somewhere or live somewhere without managing to piss off your coworkers or neighbors. At some point, after leaving that sort of trail of unhappiness and destruction, wouldn’t you kind of start to wonder about yourself? “Is it something I’m doing? Is it me?” I sure would! In fact, on the occasions when I have managed to alienate someone, I generally try to examine what happened and try to make sense of it, try to take responsibility for whatever my part in it might have been. I’m far from superhuman, and I’m far from a super human being! I don’t always handle things the right way, and I sometimes say the wrong thing. I try to apologize if I get the chance. (Usually, if I speak sharply, I realize it within a matter of minutes, and am able to apologize quickly. On the other hand, if you’ve pushed me too far, you’ll know it. And I won’t apologize.)

Of course, sometimes that chance is taken away from you, and that’s really a shame for all involved. When you are essentially removed from a situation and barred from all contact, there is no chance for discussion or clarification or...well, anything. When another agenda is pushed exclusively, the outcome is a foregone conclusion. To provide a political analogy, if all you watch is Fox News, you’re probably going to hate President Obama!

But I’m off-topic and rambling. I guess just reading all that negativity and nastiness got me to thinking about things. I’m grateful that I had such a positive upbringing, and I mean that in every sense. Not only was my childhood generally a positive experience, I was surrounded, for the most part, by very positive people. That’s just how my family is. I think most people respond favorably to that sort of an attitude, and a negative attitude is off-putting, if not downright repulsive to some. Hey, if you’re an electron to my proton, I’m probably not going to hang around you! Even when I experience negative things (and believe me, I have), I try very hard to not let that color my view of life in general, and take experiences for what they are: an opportunity to learn. One of the definitions of ‘experience’ is “direct observation of or participation in events as a basis of knowledge.” We are meant to learn from our experiences, whether it is figuring out that putting your hand in a fire is bad or that it’s not always everyone else’s fault.

All I can say is I’m glad I’m not negatively charged.