Abuser-In-Chief

I should have changed my fucking lock

I would have made you leave your key

If I'd have known for just one second

You'd be back to bother me

Oh now go

Walk out the door

Just turn around now

You're not welcome anymore

~~ “I WIll Survive” by Cake (their version)

I read an interesting article by Josh Marshall at TPM today which was titled “The Bomb Bursts. It Will Keep Happening.” He had many good things to say, but this really jumped out at me:

We also elected a President who is an abuser and a predator. I’ve analogized him before to an abusive man in an abused household—only his house is now the country, now with all the cumulative exhaustion, warped perceptions and damage that are the common lot of people living with and trapped with violent predators, addicts or people with certain profound mental illnesses.

It had never occurred to me until I read that just how much he is like an abusive boyfriend or husband or partner. I’m certainly not the only one who has had to deal with that in the past and this was definitely a gut punch. As a friend pointed out, there is the gaslighting, too.

Jeebus, the grievances, the criticisms, the “no one will ever love you like I do” (AKA “I alone can fix it”), the verbal tirades, the efforts to wear you down to the point where you just say, “Whatever...I can’t do this anymore tonight. I’m going to bed,” and then him not letting you rest, following you in and continuing to yell at you and harangue you and tell you all about how you have let him down and upset him. Then the pity party when you get, “I’m so sorry, I’ll never do that again, please forgive me!”

So you do. And the cycle continues until you’re afraid to come home from work because you have no idea what kind of mood he’s going to be in and what you are going to say or do that will set him off.

Sound familiar?

For me, personally, the cycle broke when my personal yam called me a “stupid shit.” I lost it and yelled, “Don’t ever call me stupid!” And that was what began the unraveling process. It wasn’t easy and it got pretty ugly when he went around town talking shit about me (does that also sound familiar?), but I made my break and moved on.

The so-called “president” is our nation’s abusive boyfriend. He has no qualms about calling a large segment of our country “stupid shits.” He does not want to represent us and his fragile, bruised ego will countenance no disagreement. He wants to dictate, not lead.

The abusive boyfriend or spouse is an unfit partner.

Donald Trump is an unfit “president.”