I don’t know what was wrong with me last night, but jeez, I was on pins and needles.
I was online for a while, but I grew impatient with that. I read a few things, but didn’t want to spend more time on there. I closed up shop and tried to sit on the loveseat and read my book; I had a terrible time concentrating. I had “Saturday Night Live” on (a rerun), and wasn’t finding much funny. The only thing that grabbed my attention was Paul McCartney as the musical guest, and I kind of dug that. While waiting for him to play again, I tried reading some more, and I just could not get into it!
It’s a rarity for me to feel that much at odds. I’m usually quite content to curl up with a book and get lost in it, but something was causing me to be completely distracted.
I thought about it for a bit (when I’m not feeling quite myself, I try my best to figure out what is going on...that helps me deal with it), and the only thing I can figure is that it was Hurricane Irene. That bitch! When I was online, I was checking updates from all my east coast friends. I was checking on friends I’ve met, friends I haven’t met, and people like Alec Baldwin and Bumblefoot and F. Paul Wilson. I was watching for weather updates and trying to get the latest on what the hurricane was going to do. I felt a deep-seated sense of unease and dread, wondering what would happen to friends and strangers alike.
Maybe it’s because I remember how scared I was earlier this summer when that really bad weather came through, with a real potential for tornadoes. Until I went down to the basement, Shane was updating me online, and when I was holed up downstairs with Sheeba, Ken stayed on the phone with me until it passed. I remember feeling somewhat comforted to have that contact, rather than just being terrified all by myself. Last night, I worried about anyone who was going to have to deal with the winds and the flooding, and just hoped that they would ride out the storm as best as possible.
I have to work at not being a worrier. I make a conscious effort to understand that I can’t control such things, and fretting about it does no good. I had a similar conversation with my Mom today (although for different reasons), and said that she worries about things that worrying won’t fix. I said that I know it’s easier said than done, but sometimes you just have to realize that worrying is pointless. All the worrying in the world last night wouldn’t change anything for any of my friends, or anyone on the east coast. All you can do is hope for the best, but especially hope that they’ve prepared well and know what they’re in store for. I have smart friends, so I knew they were ready. I’m sure people will still be checking in for a while, but those who have are mostly okay.
So while I’m thinking about everyone dealing with the storm or its aftermath, I’m going to trust in your intelligence and fortitude, and hope that you catch a break from Irene. But I’m going to keep telling myself that frets are for guitars.
