Living in the past

Once I used to join in

Every boy and girl was my friend.

Now there's revolution, but they don't know

What they're fighting.

Let us close our eyes;

Outside their lives go on much faster.

Oh, we won't give in,

We'll keep living in the past.

~~Jethro Tull

My friend Mark at The Trash Whisperer noted on Facebook that one thing that most of these town hall protesters seem to have in common is that they just don't like change. It's odd that he mentioned that, because I was thinking the same thing this week. Seeing the anger made me think that maybe people were acting so angry because they are afraid, and one of the things that makes people afraid is change.

That led me to think (are you still with me?) about dealing with change in our own lives. We've all experienced change throughout the years of our lives, and change can be one of the greatest stressors, whether it's a welcome change like a wedding or an unwanted one like a funeral. I believe that how we deal with life's inevitable changes is one of the things that defines and sharpens our character, and is an indicator of our strength of will and mental health.

It seems there are more people than usual going through major changes these days; a job or a business lost; a marriage ending; a midlife crisis begun. I've seen the gamut of reactions, ranging from grace, good humor, and acceptance to anger, bitterness, and denial. I've seen people realize that the only choice for them is to roll with the changes (thanks, R.E.O.) and move forward to the next challenge, and I've seen people make the choice to never accept that the world has moved on and instead, to stay mired in the stagnant pools of their personal misery. I've seen people take the crummy cards that have been dealt them and turn them into a winning hand; I've also seen those who would rather throw down their hand in anger and shoot the dealer.

I have regretted actions in the past, but I try not to dwell on my mistakes. I understand that is part of being a human being, and I truly hope that I've never hurt anyone too badly by the things I've said or done. There are always hurts along the way, and some of those I have caused have stuck with me; I've tried to apologize when I've had the chance. Sometimes I've even been forgiven. For those hurts that have been done to me, I've done my best to get over them and forge ahead. Certain things will always linger, but I try not to let them define me, or to carry around excessive emotional baggage. And I don't hold onto anger, at least not that slow-burning anger that smolders in your gut like a banked fire. When I think of specific things, I might have a flare of anger, but it really doesn't last long. What's the point? Who is it hurting other than myself? I just throw a little sarcasm at it and move along.

There aren't a lot of people from my past that I still encounter. I'm fortunate in that with those I do, I mostly have good relationships, and there are some who I consider good friends. I've known some people who seem to hate pretty much everyone from their past, except for those who have died. When it comes to those types of people, I guess you have to die in order to get in their good graces! It wouldn't surprise me that if the departed were still with us, the haters would find reason to hate them, too. It's easy to eulogize people that you don't have to deal with every day. The question is, how do you treat those who are still around?

Change is happening constantly. On the best of days, we control the changes; on the worst, they control us. How do you deal? Nothing less than your long-term peace of mind is at stake.