Sometimes it pays to have attitude

I was listening to Green Day while working out today—shocking, I know!—and I was on the elliptical while the song “The Grouch” played. It made me laugh, because it’s such a misanthropic song, but I love its attitude.



I was a young boy that had big plans
Now I'm just another shitty old man
I don't have fun and I hate everything
The world owes me, so fuck you

Glory days don't mean shit to me
I drank a six pack of apathy
Life's a bitch and so am I
The world owes me, so fuck you

Wasted youth and a fistful of ideals
I had a young and optimistic point of view

I've decomposed, yet my gut's getting fat
Oh my god I'm turning out like my dad
I'm always rude I've got a bad attitude
The world owes me, so fuck you

The wife's a nag and the kid's fucking up
I don't have sex `cause I can't get it up
I'm just a grouch sitting on the couch
The world owes me, so fuck you

Glory days don't mean shit to me
I drank a six pack of apathy
Life's a bitch and so am I
The world owes me, so fuck you

I love the way Billie Joe sings the word “man.” It’s more like “mehhhn” and it’s pure snot-nosed punk sneer. I really don’t feel this way. I’m not all that cynical or grumpy; I’m not rude or apathetic; I can say with certitude that I love to have fun and I don’t hate everything; and I absolutely don’t feel like the world owes me! But I really do love the attitude of this song, and I can say that there are times when I have an attitude of my own.

I try not to let it get out of control, but I was thinking as I was ellipticalling that it does come in handy at times. What sprang immediately to mind is how Ken and I quite smoking several years ago. A friend of ours and his wife are working on quitting, and they seem to be through the worst of it. I’ve been trying to be a source of support, because I know how tough it is.

I can’t remember the exact date we quit, but it was in August, and I believe it was seven years ago! I have had no desire to ever start again, and I don’t miss it at all. I still have those weird, sporadic cravings once in a while, but they last a matter of seconds and then they’re gone. I don’t expect those ever to go away. (My Dad told me that even after 30 years or so after he quit, he’d still reach to his shirt pocket to pull out a cigarette!)

Attitude really helped me when I was quitting, because my thought process was something like, “Oh yeah? I’ll show you, Cigarettes. You aren’t the boss of me!” It was like the smokes were up in my face and I was getting right back in THEIR face, and even poking them in the chest. “Oh yeah? Yeah? You want a piece of me?” And I beat them. Beat them right into submission. Damn straight!

I hesitate to say that anyone who doesn’t quit smoking is weak, because I understand what a powerful addiction it is. I really loved to smoke. But I came to recognize that it was a psychological crutch for me, and once I figured out that I was stronger than that, it was a very empowering moment. I remember my Mom telling me, “Beth Anne, you’re a really strong-willed person. I can’t believe that you will let those cigarettes keep ruling your life.” She was absolutely right, and I know that her and Dad were really proud of us for quitting.

So to our friends, or anyone else out there who wants to quit, just get a little Billie Joe Armstrong attitude, and to paraphrase the Thunder Song in the movie “Ted”: “Fuck you smoking, you can suck my dick!”

We are nonsmokers (and so can you!)

I was playing some more today. Check out my Meez. I saw Marty's over at his blog (his Meez is holding an Obama sign--cool!), and I thought I'd try it. What fun! I spent too much time getting myself all geared out, but it was fun. I'm pleased with my camo skirt, my gladiator sandals, and my Rock the Vote T-shirt--and the fishnet stockings! Those are a bunch of Elvises (Elvi?) in the background. I couldn't resist the pet penguin, either. (I collect penguin figurines.)

I promised to tell you about how we quit smoking. First, a little background: I'd smoked since college, Ken even longer, and we both LOVED to smoke. I found it relaxing and a great stress reliever, and it kept me quite thin. We had always agreed that when I quit working, we'd both stop smoking.

In March 2006, I caught a cold. As always, it moved down into my chest and I got bronchitis. This time, though, the cough never went away. In fact, it got worse and worse, so that I was getting up in the middle of the night and trying to hack up a lung for a half an hour. I was taking Sudafed and Mucinex to try and control the wheeziness and coughing. At work, if I started laughing about something, it would send me into a coughing fit--and you all know me...I love to laugh! It finally got so bad that Ken said, "You have GOT to go to the doctor." I knew he was right, and I made the appointment.

My doctor didn't think it sounded like I had pneumonia, and sent me for a chest X-ray and a bone density scan. (As a thin, white, female smoker, I was in the highest risk group for osteoporosis.) She also prescribed an Albuterol inhaler (used for asthma) to help with my wheeziness and breathing problems. They called me at work with the results of the X-ray and bone density scan. I had osteopenia, the precursor to osteoporosis, and I also had the beginning of emphysema. I was 44 years old at the time, and let me tell you...talk about a wake-up call!

Ken and I had a talk that night, and agreed that quitting wasn't going to wait until I stopped working. We weren't quite ready then, though--have I mentioned how much we enjoyed smoking? We had our yearly vegecation coming up that summer, and agreed we'd start our "program" after that. We smoked like chimneys when we were in Florida! Ha! When we got back, it was time to start. We both smoked a pack a day (20 cigs) and Kengineer came up with his 6-week plan.

First two weeks: cut down to 15 a day and begin modifying behaviors, i.e., stop smoking in the car

Second two weeks: down to 10 a day, stop smoking on breaks at work

Final two weeks: 5 a day, no smoking in the house

We were a little flexible with some of this, especially the last two weeks. I think we both smoked more than 5 a day, with the understanding that when the two weeks were up, we were stopping completely. We also had a cool, rainy snap that final week, so we smoked inside the house. I got an "assist" when my lab stopped allowing smoking indoors, so I had to go outside all the time. I still remember the day when it rained the whole work day, and I went the entire day at work without smoking! I was quite proud of myself, and that was the point when I really started to believe I could do it.

I only told a couple of people when we started, but when we stopped for good, I told everybody! I don't like to fail, and I figured that the more people I told, the more embarrassed I'd be if I started smoking again. I figure whatever motivates you and whatever works--do it! Everyone at work said that I didn't seem overly cranky or weird when I quit, so I was happy about that.

We were able to do it without drugs, hypnosis, or anything like that, but what worked for us might not work for everyone. Whatever it takes, I urge you to give it a try, before you get to the emphysema point. My doctor in Indianapolis was always urging me to quit, and said he'd do whatever he could to help me. He said that an important step is to understand what motivates you to smoke--is it the physical addiction of the nicotine, or the psychological addiction of the action? Mine was psychological, no doubt about it, and he said that for one of his patients, he prescribed Valium, because the risk of dependency on Valium was less than the risk of smoking. Wow. Of course, it didn't sink in for me until I got my diagnosis years later.

I can honestly say that there are moments that I miss them, and think, "I'd like to sit down with a smoke right now," but it's a matter of a split second, and then I move on. I've had an occasional puff of the rare cigar that Ken smokes (a couple a year, tops), but I haven't picked up a cigarette since Aug. 5, 2006. I'd probably get such a head rush that I'd just keel over! I put on about 10 pounds, but maybe a year later, lost 5 of them. I'll take a 5 pound weight gain! I haven't had to use my inhaler for months now, and the last time I got a cold...it stayed in my head and was gone after a couple of days. It had been years since that had happened! I think that one of the reasons we were successful was because we did it together--when I first met Ken, he had just quit smoking...but I was smoking, and he picked up the habit again. I think it would be really hard to try to quit if your spouse didn't do it with you. Deb, on whose site I mentioned I saw the Quitmeter, wrote that she got a lot of support from Quitnet.com. I know, without a doubt, that there are lots of people out there trying to quit, too, but there are just as many "cheerleaders" that will help anyone who wants to try. Like I said, if any of you guys want to try, don't hesitate to email me for support.

I can't begin to tell you how much better I feel, and I want everyone to experience that. I also think of the times we sat here with the kids, just puffing away, and how awful that must have been for them. Sheeba was around it even more, and that couldn't have been healthy for his little kitty lungs. Everything about quitting is good, except for that one little thing: that psychological imprint that makes you remember how enjoyable it was. My Mom had always told me that she knows how strong-willed I am, and she knows that I would never let something like a stupid little cigarette get the best of me! I always said that I'd quit when I was ready, and when I was finally ready, it was a great feeling to know that I had the willpower and strength to beat it. It CAN be done--you just have to want it enough.

And if that isn't convincing enough, take another look at that Quitmeter up at the top...the part about how much money we've saved.

Whipping you-know-what

Please note the new widget at the top of this blog. Ken and I saw it on our friend Deb's blog, and thought it was such a great idea. Since we stopped smoking over two years ago, look at how much money we've saved! But what's even better is how much better we feel, how we aren't coughing and hacking like we used to, how our house doesn't smell like cigarette smoke anymore, and how much better our health is. I bet Sheeba is also happy to not have to be breathing in our smoke. If any of you are still struggling with trying to quit smoking, PLEASE don't hesitate to contact me for support, or to hear about the plan that Ken devised for us to stop smoking. It's the best thing I've ever done for my health (I suspect Ken probably feels the same way), and I will happily be your cheerleader, your confidante, and your supporter in your efforts to STOP THIS NASTY HABIT.

How about that wacky stock market?! Woohoo, way to rebound, you nut! Our pal Dan made the call, and what a relief to see some good news. Obviously, we're not out of the woods yet, but I think we all needed to see a little confidence in the market, and a nice big turnaround when it comes to buying should help a lot.

As far as the presidential campaigns (feel free to skip ahead a few paragraphs if you'd rather not read this), I think everyone gave Sen. McCain a lot of credit for stepping up on Friday and trying to calm his supporters down at his rallies...an attempt to take the anger down a notch. He was booed by his own supporters for his efforts, so now he is saying that he stands behind his supporters and understands their anger, and at his Virginia headquarters on Sunday, he pledged to kick some ass in the last debate this Wednesday.

“After I whip his you-know-what in this debate, we’re going to be going out 24/7,” he says of his and Palin’s campaigning.

Considering that the topic of the last debate is the economy, I'd say that Sen. McCain's ass-kickin' will be more "get" than "give." I'm really starting to wonder about McCain's volatility, and I don't just mean his temper. It's like he changes his tune from day-to-day--first he's conciliatory and trying to regain his honor, then he's right back to the mud-slinging and negative campaigning. I'm sorry to see that he has reverted to the nastiness and attacks rather than focus on the issues. I really don't think it's playing well, at least not with moderates, independents, and undecideds. Kind of sad to see, actually, and I hope that the rhetoric won't result in violence.

I spent some time in the garden today, trying to get more of the weeds cleared off. I got the rest of the tall stuff, but the wild strawberry vines are just too much to tackle. I think that if we cover them up this winter, they won't be able to get a hold of the garden beds in the spring. The mosquitoes are still terrible, and really, isn't it about time that they started dying off? Jeez! Of course, it's been 80° the past couple of days, so they're still thriving.

After I stopped working in the garden, since I already had bug spray on, I took a stroll down the path that Ken maintains through the marsh and wetlands. It was so nice and warm and sunny, and I got quite warm walking along! I went back into the woods a little bit, too, and it was so peaceful. As I continued on through the marsh, I could see little trails through the marsh grass where deer had made their way off of the main path, and I could see the spots where they bed down for the night, usually by a tree, either still living or downed. Some extra protection, I suppose. It made me want to start hiking back into the woods this fall, as the vegetation starts dying back. We are so lucky to have found this place, and I feel like we have our own little nature preserve.

I took a walk out front to check on some of the trees and bushes we've planted, and as I walked back down the driveway, the basketball hoop drew me.

I can't explain it, but I had a mad desire to shoot some hoops. I opened up the garage and pumped up my Pacers basketball, and started shooting some baskets. I had a blast, and even made a bunch of my shots! It seems that my best shot is the short jumper. HA! Get it? Short jumper? That's ME! I even did a couple of awkward layups, and made them! My long jumpshot sucks, though. I sure had fun doing that, and I foresee myself working on my mad skillz. Think I can learn to dunk it? Maybe if I can manage a 6-foot vertical leap. Looks like I've got some work to do.