It drags me when I walk, I smell it everywhere
It's just another day where people cling to light
To drive away the fear that comes with every night
~~ "Just Another Day" by Oingo Boingo
I thought about it and it didn't take me long to come up with the answer: March 7th. I had to pull up the calendar to make sure that was right because that was over three weeks ago! But yes, it was correct. Ken and I went downtown and met Shane and Matt at one of our favorite places, Woochi, for some Asian fusion cuisine. We had wonderful meals (as always), we had warm sake (also as always), and we had fun chatting about this and that. Then we walked down to the Morris and enjoyed a wonderful show, The Lion King. After the show, we had a drink at WXYZ Bar and talked about how much we enjoyed the show, and it was a very enjoyable evening. We walked back to our cars and parted ways with hugs all around.
Shit, thinking about all that makes me want to cry. It seems like forever ago. I miss our nights out and I miss Shane and Matt. I miss my sisters and I miss my Mom. I miss seeing friends out and about and miss the buzz of a crowd enjoying a show. When I think about it, it's kind of dumb because I don't mind being at home and am actually quite content here. Even as introverted as I am, I still need an occasional boost from being around dear friends and family. It's hard to realize that we can't have that for a while.
I went out to the grocery store after that but there was already plenty of buzz about social isolation and being careful. About a week after, we were set to have a fundraiser for the non-profit at one of our local favorites, South Bend Brew Werks. On the morning of the fundraiser, Ken got an email from the owner, Steve, who said that they were closing at noon and the fundraiser was off. That's when we knew shit was going to get real. I went to the store again the day after that and that was the last time I had been out until today.
I had to go to pick up a prescription so decided to stock up for the long haul. I'm already well-stocked, but I wanted to get lots of fresh produce and will work on using that up. I'm sure I'll need to go out again at some point, but it will be a while. Being at the store today was a very strange experience. I felt very anxious. I felt in a hurry. I felt almost claustrophobic every time someone got a little too near. The stores weren't crowded and everyone behaved themselves but I still felt weirded out. I had no desire to dawdle and my main goal was to get what I needed and get out. The roads and parking lots weren't deserted, by any means, and I saw no stark images of desolation like the photos we're seeing of places like Times Square and Bourbon Street...usually bustling places that are now deserted. I'm sure our downtown area is a little more desolate because so many of those establishments are now shuttered.
Usually, I enjoy being out in my Mustang, blasting some fun music, hearing that engine roar...today I felt like a little old lady, keeping my eye out for other cars more than usual, listening to our local NPR station as our Governor had a conference call with people around the state. I felt like I was paranoid and on high alert. Like danger was just around the corner!
That's a little overly dramatic...but not by much. It was surreal. I posted a little about it on Facebook after I got home and I was both heartened and dismayed to see that others had had that same feeling when they had to go out. It was heartening because it was good to know that I wasn't alone in my feelings, but it was also dismaying to see that others are experiencing those same feelings. A couple of dear friends even said that they cried after they got home. That just broke my heart.
This is anxiety-inducing for everyone. So please, please don't hesitate to reach out to others for support. Hit me up anytime if you need an ear. I'm not an endless wellspring of either strength or information but I will do my level best to listen and do what I can to answer your questions or just provide a word of encouragement. And believe me, there may come a time when I ask for encouragement myself.
This is going to be weird for a while and we're going to start seeing some pretty grim numbers in the next couple of weeks. There is no getting around that. That kind of thing is out of our control. What we can control is our response. Will we treat others with kindness or hatred? Will we let fear control us or will we temper our fear with reliable information and science? Will we grasp desperately at nonsensical conspiracy theories or will we use our brains and THINK?
I know what I plan on doing—and part of dealing with this is most definitely thinking things through and planning—and I hope you know what to do, too. Peace, love, rock & roll, and handwashing!
