Today’s word is….

Schadenfreude.

I'm certain that I've written about this word before, because it's one of my favorites. In fact, I'd have to say it is my favorite word, with 'marshmallow' coming in a distant second. I was recently able to use it, so it's on my mind again.

It's a German word, pronounced SHAH-den-froy-deh, and its literal translation is "bad joy." It's that little frisson of guilty (or sometimes not-so-guilty) pleasure you get when you hear about the misfortune of others. Some people actually experience it when hearing about a friend or loved one's misfortune, but I think that's just kind of creepy, and they should examine why they feel such a thing for someone they consider a friend. I do sometimes experience the feeling, but it's always for someone that I dislike or has been a jerk in some way. Probably my most satisfying Schadenfreude moment was when a friend told me that an ex-BF (the Whoredog) had a bout of Bell's palsy, so he looked like he'd had a stroke, his nose ran all the time, and he was balding.

The guy was seeing at least two other women while he was dating me, so I felt perfectly justified in taking pleasure in his misfortune. It still makes me smile. I'm no saint, but hey, I've never pretended to be one!

Last week, when I was talking to my Mom, the ex-BF came up in conversation, I think because we were talking about being unemployed. This is the emotionally abusive ex-BF, the one that I think has Borderline Personality Disorder, and there's still a limited family connection, although the details don't matter. He worked in the manufacturing industry, and like so many others in that line of jobs, lost his job and is drawing unemployment. Mom said it's been months, and when talking with my sister yesterday, it's actually been more like two years. There are also issues with his daughter. I wrote to Shane and told him that although it would probably be natural to feel a little Schadenfreude, I can't say that I did--I just find it all sad and tired and the same old story, and I am so glad that I'm not in that situation any longer! I can't begin to tell you how glad.

My sister has sort of the same feeling about it, but had what I thought was an excellent question. If it's been two years, she can't understand why he isn't taking classes in order to learn a new trade, or a new job to do. That county has 18% unemployment, and there are even more opportunities and help there for retraining than places with the national average of 10% or so. I said, "There's the thing. You have to have the motivation and the drive to go back to school, and he just doesn't."

And that was one of the numerous problems there. He was never the sharpest tool in the shed, but there was always an attitude of "the world is conspiring against me." Every relationship gone wrong was all the woman's fault, every fight at work was the other guy's fault, and now it's not his fault that he lost his job and can't find work...the perpetual victim. Man, I can't stand that. And now instead of taking this opportunity to retrain, he's sitting back and drawing unemployment. As my sister and I said, here's a news flash: those manufacturing jobs aren't coming back, and if you don't roll with the changes, you're left behind. If you haven't been working for two years, wouldn't you have plenty of time to learn a new trade? Of course, you would! But you have to resolve to make a change and then make it happen, rather than waiting for the world to come to you.

Schadenfreude? No. Disgust, yes. Relief that I'm outta there? You have no idea.