Sunday, April 19, 2009

Waiter, tell my food to stop looking at me

I’m still trying to shake of this cold, and I’m hoping that I’m past the worst of it. I want to feel good tomorrow, because my sisters are picking me up and we’re heading down to see our folks. Mom and Dad want to take us out for lunch at their favorite Chinese buffet, and I want to be able to eat my money’s worth! (That’s never really a problem, though.) I’m looking forward to seeing everyone, and I’m sure we’ll have a fun afternoon.

There was an article in our local paper today about some people just across the state line, in Niles, Michigan, who found a very eerie slice of ham. Check it out:

Ham face

Do you see the face? The woman said that some people see a demon. Others see “an old Chinese warrior.” Her grandson sees a skeleton. "Here's the bone, where you can see the two eyes," the woman said. "Down below, you can see the mustache and the beard. From here on down, it looks like a Chinese warrior. It's strange. You can see an ear over here. I've never seen anything like it."

It’s Kung Fu Ham!

They plan to put it up on eBay. If it doesn’t sell, I wonder if they’ll eat it? The woman’s sister-in-law, who is—and here’s where it starts getting really weird—a “demon spotter,” says that she would never eat the ham slice. Good advice, because it’s always a bad idea to eat a demon. Or an old Chinese warrior, for that matter.

Kit Kat bar Okay, a couple of questions here. What is with people seeing images in food? Usually it’s an image of Jesus on a tortilla or something like that. I think I remember one in some kind of pastry around here recently, and one of the most entertaining recently was a picture posted by one of my Mafia Wars Facebook friends, Corky from Liverpool: an image of Jesus on a half-eaten Kit Kat bar. I could really see the image, too! (Click to embiggen.) As I commented, I’ve always loved Kit Kat bars, but didn’t know I had to worship them!

Of course, if I saw an image in my food, I’d be taking pictures of it, too.

And why do people think that if God wanted to give them a sign, He’d do it through putting an image in their food? Wouldn’t it be a little more effective and convincing to heal the sick, make the lame walk, or the blind see, rather than embedding your mug in the middle of a Kit Kat bar? Have these people never heard the word “random?”

Finally, I have to address this “demon spotter” thing. What in blue blazes is a demon spotter? Is there a school for that, or is in an innate talent? Can you find a demon spotter apprenticeship program anywhere? Can you get a BSDS degree? How much does a demon spotter make? Are there health benefits? Do you get hazardous duty pay—because I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to mess with demons, either for real or in a ham slice. I hear they’re ugly and smelly and can really mess up your place. Even Febreze won’t get that sulfur smell out of the furniture.

All things being equal, I guess I’d rather encounter the Holy Kit Kat bar, Batman, than the demon-infested ham slice.

Thinking of Kung Fu Ham naturally made me think of one of the most infamous one hit wonders. It is a shameful part of our musical history, but those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it. It’s okay to sing along (I do) as long as we remember: never again.


32 comments:

  1. Where do you come up with these things? As far as I've ever gotten is seeing a kitty in a cloud or a man in the moon. Demon spotter? Give me a break.
    Hugs, Joyce

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  2. ok that is just bizarre... but selling these things on ebay? Good gaawd the buyers are worse then the sellers. Feel better and fun tomorrow

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  3. Why would anyone feel compelled to check their Kit Kat for faces after each bite? OCD?

    And, what would one do with that ham slice after they bought it on ebay? Frame it and hang it one the wall? Use it as a placemat? Applique it onto a sweatshirt? I just can't imagine....

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  4. Ok, I do see the image of a Chinese man. Still I wouldn't go as far as putting it up on Ebay and would more than likely throw it away...or cut it up and feed it to the strays outside.

    I think seeing these images is perhaps, aligned with not being able to come to grips with something you believe in without feeling you need divine inspiration. So these (???) I have no idea what to call these people, find what they're looking for in almost anything.

    Me? Still not convinced someone is trying to get my attention (winks)...However if you get any answers on the demon spotter job let me know - sounds like a wicked cool job to have. Then again no...I was just thinking of the Salem Witch trials. For all anyone knows I could be demonic. (Hugs)Indigo

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  5. OH my god, can't believe I just watched that video.
    As for the demon infested ham. Now see, when I look at that I just see a nasty piece of meat with additional reason to stay the heck away (I got a thing for raw looking, vein showing meat, freaks me out which is why I'm damn near a vegatarian) So, I made myself look and yup, I see a nasty face made out of all the things that creep me out ~~ FAT and VEINS ~~

    The other day out to dinner I found a premium cracker packet with 3, not the normal 2, but 3 saltines in it! I did not open it, I saved it. It's like my little four leaf clover, that sits next to my computer now. So far, even when I've needed a snack, I've resisted eating them. So maybe we all have a bit of strange food superstition in us.
    Rebecca

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  6. In the ham, I see one of those creepy garden gnomes with a pointy red hat... in the kit kat bar I see a roman warrior. I once had a piece of cake that looked like Jesus, but I was afraid that if I told anyone, they'd take my cake away, so I ate it!!! I'm with Miss Ginger, once I take a bite of a kit kat bar, it's as good as GONE, I don't stop to inspect ANYTHING after that first bite!!!

    Hey, that song was GREAT back in the day, I used to know every word, and we actually DANCED to it too!!! LOL!!!

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  7. That could be a Chinese demon thingy LOL. Helen

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  8. Hey, that ham kinda looks like the pink panther, too!!! LOL!!

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  9. I am a BSDS. All I have to do is search for a commenter with the name ANON, and sure enough, there is BS there :o)

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  10. I don't know about the face in the ham, but the marrow in that bone looks like mighty good eatin'! LOL!

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  11. I wouldn't eat that ham......

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  12. It looks like a Monkey God or Yoko Ono yelling at Julian. She never did want to part with most of the money he should have inherited. Anyway.....
    I'm sure there is a support group for people like me. I still like that song.
    ~Mary

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  13. I'm a demon spotter, too! About 9 AM every morning, I see 'em....

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  14. LOL at Amy's comment - she must have children!

    Chinese Warrior or demon, whatever they think it is, I wouldn't want to eat but, I certainly wouldn't be putting up on e-bay! Crazy.

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  15. Wait, Amy is a TEACHER! It just hit me, our own kids we can deal, 20-30 kids become likttle demon's!

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  16. I think the face in the ham looks like Dennis Hopper wearing sunglasses.

    When I was a kid, "Kung Fu Fighting" was the one and only modern song that my father tolerated, so I think I've heard it five thousand times. If I see a grasshopper in the yard, I think of that song. If I meet somebody named "Carradine", I think of that song. And now when I see Dennis Hopper wearing sunglasses, I will think of that song.

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  17. That ham is creepy. I agree with Miss Ginger and wonder who checks anything chocolate to see how it looks after any bite.

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  18. Haha! Awesome. I like Ultimate Mafia (http://apps.facebook.com/ultimatemafia/) more than I do Mafia Wars.

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  19. The first thing I saw was The Scream by Edvard Munch. Didn't that painting get stolen or something? Or am I thinking of another one? Someone should tell the demon spotter to carry lots and lots of sage around with her. And maybe an umbrella. I hear those demons like to toss things at you. She could use the umbrella as a shield. ;)
    Love,
    Jamie

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  20. I hear the conversation now:
    Hey Ma! We gots us a face in our ham.
    Don't a'touch it son, we're gonna a'sell it on eeeeeeeeeBay.

    Really?

    I, um, don't, well, check my food for faces after snacking. I just don't.

    Meanwhile, back at the ham. I don't see demons or Chinese warriors. it looks a little like Al Jolson to me. ;]

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  21. Oh my......not more faces in food......LOL

    Selling this stuff on EBay is stupid.....and the stupid people that buy it is well.....I just can't go there................

    Hugs, Rose

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  22. In high school, our poms did a routine to Kung-Fu fighting. :) It is a dumb song, but has a great dance beat. And as far as food images go... kind of reminds me of cloud watching. If you look long enough, you'll see something. (who stares at the bitten end of a kitkat bar?)

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  23. OH, yah...and to me, the image in the ham slice looks like a Yeti.. but I could be influenced by my recent "expedition" down the Yeti rollercoaster at Disney. :)

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  24. I thought it was a cat :) Silly me. Recently a friend of ours son was working on his Eagle badge. His project was building a shelter for aninmals. The boys cut the wood and one of the pieces of wood had the darken form of an eagle. We all saw it. And all we all thought it was pretty cool. I haven't seem Kung-Fu fighting in years.
    Hugs, Laini

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  25. Oh Beth you make me laugh...I have had such fun reading that article to Mary...she is laughing as well. However I will remember to add an extra prayer tonight just in case any of the demons come and haunt me !!
    Hope you have a wonderful lunch with the family. Look forward to hearing all about it. We have had a lovely day here sunshine all the way.
    Love Sybil xx

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  26. I swear I once saw the face of Abe Lincoln on a five dollar bill. It was eerie.

    D

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  27. Thomas and I break out into that song every so often. Does that make us strange?

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  28. That ham looks just like my mother in law! Maybe it's because my cooking is NEVER good enough for her son, according to her complaints. I always see her in ugly food.

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  29. HA!! that piece of ham is sooo freakish ... and I TOTALLY see Jesus in the Kit Kat!!!

    Thanks for checking out my blog and leaving a comment ... I have to go and thank Rebecca for telling a few of her friends about my Easter Sunday train incident LOL ...

    I do hope you come back and check out my blog again ...

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  30. yes, that "face" is strange lol. I never pay attention to any of those finds that people see, does that make me doubtful thomasina?? nope. LOL.
    Kung Fu Fighting...I was 14..jeez. I still like the song though (upon occasion ROFL). Thank you for sharing :) Hugs, Teresa

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  31. so, when you gonna write that book, Beth Anne? You have such great talent...i am LMAO over here....there is NO way i would bite into a ham with the face of Jesus on it. Now i would bite into a demon....and i do not see Jesus in that Kit Kat. You are a complete riot. XOXO

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  32. LOL, Oh Beth I should have known I'd be in for a good laugh or ten when I visited!!! I do think the ham is very creepy and reinforces my reasons for eating veggies! Demon spotter...hmmmmm, gotta think about that one.

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I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?