Thursday, March 18, 2010

Meet my stalker

I was planning on doing this next week, but I really think it's time. And it's time only because the good name of my Dad has been besmirched. I will not stand for that. First, a blog entry made by my stalker right after my Dad died, then a little background and some truth.Blog entryI will not post the name of this person, how I know them, or their location. You can see that I've even made sure their screen name isn't showing. I will not be posting the URL to their blog here. Who it is doesn't matter. What they wrote does matter. It matters because it is hateful towards a good man who this person never even met. All because she harbors a deep-seated hatred towards me.

Very few of you know anything about this, because I choose not to write about it here. For one thing, I'm not usually one to air dirty laundry in public...it strikes me as a little classless. I also try my best to not be a negative person, and man, this person is all about the negativity. Also, because there are kids involved, I never wanted to write about them here, and I don't plan on doing so in any detail now. I think this person believes that I have told everyone who reads my blog about the situation, and somehow sicced you all on her and convinced you to hate her. First of all, it's not like I'm some sort of zombie master who urges you all to do my bidding, and second of all, I just don't operate that way. I know that this is probably all quite surprising to the vast majority of you.

When my Dad died, I sent an email via Facebook to a young man who at one time had a relationship with my Dad. This was the only way I had of contacting him, and I had no means of contact with his sister. No favoritism there, simply lack of information. All communication with these young people has been cut off over the past couple of years. Phones unanswered, messages left and calls never returned, letters sent without knowing if they were ever seen by the recipients, email addresses changed...there are very few ways left to get a message to them, and Facebook was my last resort. I don't believe I laid on a guilt trip (I don't like to be the guiltee, so I'm unlikely to be the guilter), I merely said that my Dad had had a massive stroke and was not going to recover, that he loved him and thought he was a really nice young man, and to please pass the information along to his sister, because my Dad loved her, too. I sent a subsequent email saying that Dad had died, and that I hoped something was still there in this young man that remembered that my Dad treated him well and accepted him as his own...and that he was a good man, and "you know that." I'm not sure what "lame issues" I was laying on anyone.

As for Dad never trying to contact these young people, that is simply not true. My folks tried numerous times to call and leave messages for birthdays, and they were very generous at both birthdays and Christmas. So were my sisters. As contact was slowly but surely cut off, I advised them to stop, because there was no way of knowing if anything was getting through. There were several celebrations at 4th of July, Christmas, even a family reunion. At one point, there was a message that the "pseudo" relatives should stop calling the house, because she didn't know these people and didn't want them bothering her kids. That hurt my Dad deeply, and now it is time for me to stick up for him.

My Dad was a loving man, and he and my Mom--and my entire family--did nothing but accept these kids as their own. I find it a horrible thing to cut any kids off from people who were a positive, loving influence, merely because of one's own hatred and bitterness. This person can hate on me all she wants and can call me anything she wants. But I am here to set the record straight: she isn't fit to lick my Dad's Army boots. He has left a large and loving legacy of family and friends, and I strongly suspect that won't be the case with my stalker when she shuffles off this mortal coil. Dad was a WWII veteran (the young man in question even interviewed him about it for a school project once) and spent 35 years in service of his country in the Army and in the National Guard. Feel free to hate me...in fact, bring it on. But you don't get a pass on hating on my Dad.7-4-08CI have kept quiet about this on my blog for the reasons I stated above. I hope I won't be speaking of it again. But just like tearing down the curtain and letting the sun blaze in on a vampire will turn the creature to a gooey mess and then to dust, I am shining the light of truth upon this person and situation. As far as I can tell, people don't like messing with her because she tries to intimidate them with threats of lawsuits, or sends her family to leave harassing comments. I'm not sure what sort of lawsuit she could bring against me here, and if they want to leave harassing comments, it would only prove my point. If one is allowed to operate in a closed environment of approval, and even encouraged in one's unreasoning hatred, there will be no revelation that perhaps their behavior is just a tad bit beyond the norm.

On behalf of my Dad, I call her out on it. I call her out on her hateful words towards a kind and decent man merely because she harbors such hatred for me, no matter how irrational that is. I had my sisters read what she wrote as we were on our way back from Florida, so that they would have a better idea of what I am dealing with. Even with them, I haven't talked much about the situation. I will relay their words. Diana said, "You know, no matter how much you hate someone, don't you think you'd at least try to act like...I don't know...a human being?" Sue said, "That last line? 'Thank you and God bless?' That's blasphemy."

Since she is still obsessively checking this blog, I know she'll read this. So I'll say it again. You don't get a pass this time.

I got your back, Dad.

30 comments:

  1. What a bitch. She gives Ohio people a bad name. For real.
    Love you,
    Jamie

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  2. Beth, your dad looks like such a wonderful, sweet person (and I'm sure he was, if he was anything like you). It's too bad that your dad didn't get to see them, but I'm sure the kids are the ones missing out.... you are right about having a good, positive influence, kids can never have too much of that.

    It's funny what Sue said about that last line, I was kinda thinking the same thing when I read it... how can someone so full of hatred say 'God Bless' and actually MEAN it.... they can't, blasphemy.

    Love you lots, all my best to you and your family!

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  3. Your love for your Dad shows in every word. I'll say nothing more on the topic as it's always best to remember our loved ones without tainting their memories.

    Bless you, Beth.

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  4. Hi Beth,
    I'm guessing this is the same "anon" who has posted here in the past and from reading both entries -- hers and yours -- a pattern is emerging. She called your family "pseudo" relatives and asked that they stop calling. Then she conveniently suggests that your father didn't care because he didn't call, send cards and etc. In other words, she kept your father away, which hurt him deeply, then used the distance which she, herself, created to later reinforce her argument that he didn't care. How manipulative can you get? The real victims, of course, are her children who might still be too young to see through her manipulation. But no doubt, one day, they will.
    Best,
    Marty

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  5. I'm sorry that you too are having stalkers. Mine are my employer. So I had to go private with My Southern Home. Since my stalkers control my livelihood at present, I figured it was best to go private. You don't have that hanging over you - thank goodness. Take care and I hope all this blows over.

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  6. Marty said exactly what I think about all this. I'm sorry you're still being bothered by her and wish she would leave you alone. Hatred affects her more than it does you; however, I want you to have peace!

    Love, Joy

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  7. I sure hope some day we will be free from this stalker, but since it has been more than 10 years, with the last three being very negative and irrational, I will not hold my breath.

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  8. You did the right thing by bringing it to light. I've had a problem or two in the past with Internet trolls, although I didn't know them in real life.
    Hey, if you were a zombie master who force me to do your bidding, I'd be a Democrat by now. I'm not. We're OK, and in control of our own minds.
    That's a GOOD thing.

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  9. i have no idea how long we have been reading and commenting on each other's blogs because it seems like forever.

    however, i do know that you are one classy dame and since i have been reading you, this is the FIRST time you have mentioned this much detail about something that has affected you and the rest of your family.

    i am so sorry that this person disrespected the memory of your father and the contributions he had on those kids.

    on a personal note there is no feeling on earth as bad as when you are a kid and you find out people cared about you but your mother never let you know. or when you are a kid and you find out you have three siblings that your mother never let you know about.

    i feel so bad for those kids. my heart breaks first for you, but it also breaks for them for being denied the opportunity to make their own choices about what their definition of 'family' is.

    xxalainaxx

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  10. I am so very sorry you had to deal with this kind of petty bullshit at this time. Just goes to show you some people never grow up.

    Hugs to you and yours, Beth.

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  11. Sounds to me like your stalker is already a gooey mess. Sorry you have to go through this kind of thing. One day it will stop.

    DB

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  12. By the way, a Silver Squirrel goes to anyone who can spot the comma splices in her entry. :D

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  13. Girl - you ROCK. Hard.

    XOXOXOXOXOXO

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  14. I said this on your FB page - but I just wanted to make sure it was seen. I swear I'll slap the hell out of this person in the freakish event I ever meet them. That's all.

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  15. My dear friend Beth; I always said death brings out the best and the worse n people And man, this is amoung the worse. To attack someone when they just lost their dad...that makes me even wish to get up ansd slap. But know this my friend, they are so many people who love and care about you. And how proud your dad would be of his girl.
    Hold onto that.
    Laini

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  16. What a bitter person she is! Such bitterness can't bring her any joy in her life. I think that more than anything she envies you. You live life with exuberance, you are fearless! You know how to laugh and you are not afraid to cry. Your friends love you and you love them back. I know that my life has been enriched from having you be a friend.

    I like the picture of your father; he has a kind face.

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  17. Nobody should be subjected to that crap. For her to do this at this time in your life speaks volumes about her character.

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  18. if you let us see her blog, well, she probably would sue you....imagine if a LOGICAL person of authority, like a judge, got a hold of her. She'd be explaining till the end of time why she obsesses over you instead of concentrating on her children. Karma is a true bitch and in time, karma will get her. Remember that. She hates herself or she has no conscience. Pick one....or both.....she projects her own fucked up issues onto you. You have not done a thing wrong and neither did your dad.

    you know, hate and jealousy are a terrible thing and she really really really really shows her true colors to write such BS at this time. Her children may not be able to see it now but give them 15-20 yrs and the damage she has caused for you (AND OTHERS) is going to come back and haunt her. When they are old enough to realize what they have lost....such as TIME...and it is all her fault she may end up one lonely fucking mom while the kids are able to express their feelings for you and to you.

    i am so truly sorry for this, Beth. You have been in my thoughts and i am glad you wrote this. Online stalking is a bad BAD thing.....and i pray she grows a brain or finds her soul and walks away from obsessing about you.

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  19. What is WRONG with people??!! I say you publish her name. Sunlight is the best disinfectant.

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  20. She is a hideously horrible person, Beth. Her comments are unconscionable. I wish there was something substantial you could do about it.

    I can't look for the comma splice because the way I'm seeing the quote on your post, the far right side is cut off all the way down so I'm not seeing the whole thing.

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  21. I agree with what Sheria has written. Try to take no more notice of them at all, after alll they thrive on being noticed...You are far and away above them and were right to defend you dear Dad...
    Bless you all Love Sybil x

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  22. Part of me hopes you'll be left in piece, Another part of me, however. . .well, let's not go into that. The more I think on it, the madder I get. . .

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  23. You know, if you hadn't tried to contact the children at all to give them the information about your dad, she'd be complaining that you didn't go to the trouble to let them know. She'd probably go on and on about how much they loved your dad and how they would have wanted to know. I think you did exactly as you ought in letting the child know, in asking that he let his sister know, and by exposing her to the extent that you have in this entry. She is bitter and full of hatred, and anyone who reads her blog with any amount of objectivity and intelligence can quickly see that.

    Now, as to the comma splice -- well, you know that had to bug me, right? The example is here: "This is the second attempt through use of Facebook, this person is making comments about a person my children hardly even knew."

    You defended your dad very ably, Beth. It's a shame that you had to do it, but you did it well.

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  24. I'm so sorry you're forced to have to suffer the sub-human activities of this insane woman, Beth. Having experienced similar lunacy first-hand, from the same sociopath's mother at the time my mum died, I'm sure I don't to detail the level of empathy I feel for you right now. Suffice it to say that I'm right there, with ya.

    What I can do, though, is assert that I very clearly recall GREAT affection for your dad being expressed (much to this lunatic's chagrin) by her son, when I knew him and when he knew your dad. Your dad's willingness to devote time to him, to talk to him and to listen to him had a notable and positive effect. I remember it, and I remember it very well!

    It is specifically BECAUSE this is so, that it perhaps should not come as any surprise to find your father the target of this insecure psychotic woman's anger and disrespect.

    No matter what perversions of the truth she tries to commit to history, she will never succeed in muddying the memory of your dad. We will always know better, and whatever she says will simply never count for anything.

    And, Beth, you are a million times and more the person she is. But I'm damned sure you knew that already. I just wanted to remind her ;o)

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  25. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Your dad looks like a wonderful man with such a gentle soul. I would be calling the bitch out also and most likely a whole lot worse! You are a classy dame Beth.
    xxx

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  26. Wow - I am so sorry that you are having to deal with someone so hateful, childish, and pathetic during such a difficult time. I wish you and your family all the best, and think it is simply wonderful how you have stood up for your father; he truly seems as if he was an amazing man and the world is a less brighter place for his having left it.

    You spoke so true here:
    "If one is allowed to operate in a closed environment of approval, and even encouraged in one's unreasoning hatred, there will be no revelation that perhaps their behavior is just a tad bit beyond the norm."

    Just beautifully said. Shedding light on someone's darkness and dark ways is the best thing you can do, and remaining silent would only have encouraged their obsessive, ridiculous tirade and resentment. All you did was try to contact someone - a young person who obviously touched your father's life and who, it would seem, was touched in turn by your father, too - to let them know of your father's passing. This was done for the benefit of the young people in question and your father, and you should not be chastised for it or accused of being duplicitous or having ulterior motives. That is so unbelievable - as if anyone who is grieving is capable of even entertaining such mind games!

    You have my greatest sympathy. I lost the man who was like a father to me, my beloved grandfather, last June and the wound is still raw and only beginning to heal; I truly feel your pain. I am sorry you're having to deal with this kind of crap right now, but I think you are handling it bravely and with dignity. Your father, I believe, would be touched and very proud. Namaste.

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  27. What a shameless person!! Your stalker lives in a small and dark world, indeed. Warps everything to fit her own pitiful mythology.

    Way to stick up for you Pops.

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  28. I agree with Sue and Joann. The last phrase is blasphemy. This woman has an excellent chance of ending up with children who hate her. If she's this manipulative and vicious on this one issue, it's a lifestyle. The children will one day find out what the truth was, and will hate her for taking away something that cannot be regained.

    I too consider airing one's "dirty laundry" in public as classless. But, there are times when the only way to deal with something like this is to shine the light of day on it and expose it for what it is. Your expose' was anything but classless. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, and from Ken's comment,been dealing with it way too long.

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  29. What a mess. It's simply awful to think that you have to deal with this now Beth. I'm glad you stood up for him. You honor your father well, not just in words, but in the way you live your life.

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  30. saying nothing for obvious reasons.still think the troll i ate on my blog is related to this person.all i will say,what goes around,comes around. your love for your father shines through beth,and as far as im concerned that makes you a good person.take care my friend,love mort xx

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I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?