A brief reprieve

The past few days have been a bizarre mixture of pain, grief, loss, love, unexpected hilarity, irritation, white-hot fury, amazement at the complete and utter inhumanity I've seen exhibited, gratitude at the extreme compassion I've also seen exhibited, appreciation for those who help others, the comfort of knowing that I have an amazing family and so many friends--both those in real life and those online (also quite real)--who truly care about me and feel sorrow at my pain, and an attempt to reconnect with the inner strength I know I have. There are many other feelings that have gone through my mind, but I know that as time passes, the intense pain will fade, and I will be left with not only the love of my Dad, but the friendship and love that poured forth from supportive friends near and far. I know that I am so fortunate in that regard, and it sort of makes me feel dizzy to know that there are so many people who care. My mind is boggled, folks, and you are the bogglers. I love you all for it. :)

Dad passed away at 7:10 Sunday morning. I will write more about things eventually, but right now there is just too much to do and just a little too much pain to deal with. I've been having an inner philosophical dialogue with myself, and I'm sure that will be reflected as I go forward. Many of these thoughts seem to start out with "Life is too short to..." So many things to think about.

But for the moment, I'm so very, very tired and my brain hurts. I want--I need--to relate a couple of funny things that happened along the way, and believe me, there were more than you might imagine--I'll just tell you about a couple of them. I guarantee that my Dad would have approved, because he also loved to laugh. You know what? I'm smiling right now just thinking about it, so I'm glad I'm taking the time to write this.

First of all, since my parents drove down, and my sisters and niece and I flew down, we drove their minivan back. We left Florida Monday morning and arrived home around 7 pm Tuesday evening. It went surprisingly well, with no major problems. Other than getting a little turned around trying to get out of central Florida (I called it the Bermuda Triangle) and running over a curb when I made a sharp turn to get onto the correct ramp (Who puts a curb on an interstate, anyway? Seriously!), that is. Mom almost fired me as driver, but after I drove the entire time on the first day, including breezing through downtown Atlanta (well, kind of breezing...still pretty busy), I redeemed myself. I handed off the wheel to my sisters Tuesday morning (with the promise to drive later on), and dozed in the back while it was still dark. I woke up when we pulled over and asked what was going on. My sisters were switching...Sue started off driving and was apparently getting sleepy. I looked at my watch...we'd been on the road for an hour.

Yes. An hour. I am cracking up right now. (Let me say here that I love my sisters. And yes, I am totally laughing at them, just like they laughed at me when I curbed it. That was fair game, and so is this!)

Then Diana took over, and she really did great once she got into the groove of things. Got us through Nashville and Louisville and did a great job. However, at one point, I realized that there were numerous cars and trucks passing us on both the right and left. By numerous, I mean everyone. We passed a speed limit sign and then I understood why. I said, "Di. Di? DIANA!"

Oh, have I mentioned that both of my sisters are hard of hearing? That they both have hearing aids, but neither were wearing them on this trip? Yeah.

I finally got her attention.

Di: Yeah?

Me: The speed limit is 70 here.

Di: What?

Me: The speed limit is 70 here.

Di: [silence]

Me: DIANA! You can go 70 in here!

Di: Oh! [laughs and speeds up]

There was a lot of "Okay, where do I go?" Keep going on I-65...see that sign there? "What's the speed limit here?" 70...see that sign there? "Which way do I want to go?" North. We're going NORTH. I-65 NORTH.

I couldn't get to the wheel fast enough. I discovered something on this trip. What I think of as normal driving is seen by some as leadfooted and aggressive! And I really don't think I am. I don't go that much over the speed limit, and I just try to keep up with traffic...and if they're doing the stupid speed limit, I pass them. :D I lived in Indianapolis for seven years, and I threw the question out there: "Since when did people start doing the speed limit on 465?" Really, I'm curious. It was never out of control, bumper-to-bumper, 80+ mph like on the Chicago expressways, but it moved along at a pretty good pace, and on this trip, there were really and truly people doing 55 mph on the Indianapolis bypass. Freaks. It made me wonder if I'm really that aggressive a driver...I guess I'm more aggressive than I realized. And I was in a fucking minivan!

The other thing that really made me laugh happened during our family get-together on Sunday. A bunch of people came over to my Aunt Marie's, and we really did have a great time. Cousins that I hadn't seen for some time, and they all came out to see my Mom and me and my sisters in our time of sorrow. It was really cool, and it meant a lot to me. They're so great, they really are.

Well, Cousin Beverly noticed a Glenn Beck book on an end table. She said, "Oh, I really like him."

I managed to not have a heart attack, but my sister Diana (a fellow liberal) and I exchanged an amused glance across the room (she was sitting by Bev). Cousin Ron was sitting next to me and asked, "Oh really? Who else do you like?" Beverly proceeded to say, "Oh, I listen to Rush Limbaugh. Then there's Sean Hannity." Ron asked, "What do you think about Michael Savage?" At least he was a little too far right for her.

Good grief. I managed to keep my mouth shut, but it was not easy. Aren't you proud of me? Di and I were looking at each other, ready to lose it. We discussed it later, and we agreed that Ron (who is very ornery, very smart, and a wee bit wicked) had to know from talking to Dad that she and I are on the left politically. We both think that he was probably trying to stir things up a bit. Believe it or not, neither of us took the bait...even me! However, I had to speak up later when some cousins were doing the "global warming my ass" thing. I talked about how it is actually consistent with higher snowfall, and when another cousin said that it all goes in cycles, I said "But not to this extent." I swear, I think he kind of gave a shrug and an eye roll (I would like to specify that he's a cousin by marriage)! Hey, condescend a little bit, why don't you? Then my young Cousin Russell, a freshman in college, spoke up in my defense and said he'd just done a paper on it and based on all the evidence, it is very much real. When another cousin asked, "So are you guys believers or deniers?" I said, "Believer," and Russell said, "Oh yeah, definitely."

It's nice to not feel so alone when faced with a "hostile" audience. Hostile since even though they might give me a big hug and say "Love you, Beth Anne," they still...you know...think Glenn Beck is reasonable and sane. I fear for my southern cousins, I truly do. I hope to have another opportunity to discuss things with them. Preferably after the health care bill is passed. tee hee

So after a brief sojourn to the central Florida Republican enclave of the family, I was traumatized but unbowed. It's one of those deals where I love (almost) all of these family members, and I could never hate them for their views. I might think they're a little misguided for liking some of these lunatics, but I love 'em anyway. I also just didn't have it in me to be too combative. I was licking my wounds, just wanting to laugh, be loved, and get lots of hugs. I did all three, so even though I didn't get to expound upon my political views, I still had me a helluva time.