Coward

Remember back in the summer of 2009 when the teabaggers descended upon town hall meetings conducted by their local Congresscritters, and got all up in their grills about the Affordable Care Act? Ken and I went to one that our Congressman at the time Joe Donnelly (now one of Indiana’s Senators) held, and he handled himself pretty well. The place was packed, and although a few people got a little angry, it didn’t get too crazy.

Well, it’s that time of year again, the August recess, time for all the Congresscritters to come home and talk to their constituents, get an idea of what they’re thinking and how they’re feeling about things like health care reform, immigration reform, tax reform, whateverthefuck reform...whatever is on our minds, this is when they come back to put their finger on the pulse of their constituency and get an idea of how we all feel.

So my friend Dan and I are planning on attending one of the town halls held by our Congresscritter, Representative Jackie Walorski. We’ll probably both take notes, and I might even ask a question about why Congress has wasted about $50 million on 40 repeal votes, when it has no chance of going anywhere in the Senate, let alone President Obama agreeing to repeal the signature achievement of his Presidency. I think Dan and I will enjoy it, because we’re both really into politics, and maybe we can even have lunch afterwards, and....

Wait, what? What’s that you say? Representative Walorski has no town hall meetings scheduled? She’s not coming out to talk to us? Only “her staff” is going to be available at a couple of the offices for a brief time frame in order to hear from her constituents?

What’s up with that?

My guess would be that someone doesn’t want to face their constituents and have to answer to both the right and the left. The right because she’s being shifty on immigration issues, and the left because she’s...well, she is pretty much antithetical to everything we stand for.

Rep. Walorski was happy to get tea party support, but file this under “They can dish it out, but they can’t take it.” They sure loved harassing Rep. Donnelly about his health care vote, but Walorski and her teabaggin’ buddies run from any confrontation from the other side.

Isn’t that typical of a bully, though? Talk shit, and then when confronted with someone who is willing to fight back and not take their shit anymore, they run off with their tails between their legs like the cowardly curs they are. You see it all the time. It’s especially disgusting to see it in an elected official, though.

Just Kidding!

This phrase always bothers me, and it goes back to high school. (Yes, some things linger!)

One of my classmates—a popular girl—had a tendency to say hurtful things to people and then quickly add, “Just kidding!” She seemed to think that that little addendum took the sting out of her words, and negated the hurt. It did not. Everyone feels insecure in high school, especially someone as shy as me, and her comments were really hurtful to me and to other friends.

Some of us had finally had enough, and I remember sitting in Physics class—this would have been our senior year, but there were a couple of juniors in the class, too. I think we’d all been subjected to this for too long, and yes, we ROSE UP! We were all sitting around bullshitting and talking about stuff one day (Mr. Hanni was super cool and groovy and enjoyed letting us talk once in a while, even if it wasn’t about Physics!), and she started in on the insults, followed by “Just kidding!”

We let her have it. There were several of us, and we leveled insult after insult at her, following each one up with a cheerful, “Just kidding!” After just a few minutes of this, she was slunk down in her chair, her arms crossed, with a pouty look on her face. Mr. Hanni said, “Wow, you guys are mean!” but he was also laughing a little bit, too. He was a smart and perceptive guy, and I don’t doubt that he had noticed that a lot of her comments to others were hurtful. One of us—I don’t recall for sure, but it might have been me—said, “See how it feels?”

That was over 30 years ago, and I hope she finally managed to see how words can be hurtful to others, and that saying “Just kidding!” afterwards is not an excuse for cruel remarks.

Of course, close friends kid each other all the time, and I often say, “You know I’m just joshin’ ya!” But I only do that with those who know me best, and know that I truly would never say anything mean to them, because I...well, you know...I love them! Even then, it is never anything seriously mean, more like sarcasm, as in, “Really? I didn’t know that!” I’m really not the kind of person that levels insults, whether followed by “Just kidding!” or not. I just don’t operate that way.

Insults or hurtful remarks to others is something I see as a form of bullying. The phrase “Just kidding!” reminds me of that, and I don’t like hearing it. I know that everyone is different, and I definitely see a difference between men and women on this. Guys slag off on each other all the time, and hey, go for it. But I don’t enjoy doing it or being the recipient of it. For the record, I don’t find short jokes insulting. I know I’m short, and I learned long ago to not be insulted by that. But don’t go too far on it, okay? Because I may be short, but I have my limits…and I also don’t lack in fury! I WILL bite your knees!

As I’ve said before, love yourself and love everybody! Each to their own, but I prefer to be kind, and to be treated kindly. “Just kidding” is a reminder of remarks that were not so kind, and it bothers me to this day.

A loyal pain in the ass

I had a dream last night about defending someone. I don’t recall all the details, but I seem to recall that it took place in school, and someone was picking on a friend.

In typical dream form, I was much more than I could probably be in real life (although I’m not so sure...I’ll get to that in a moment). This bully was a big guy, and all five-foot-nothing of me got in his face, pushed him up against a locker, and made him whimper and cower with my verbal tongue-lashing. I also recall some sort of exhibition at the school in which I demonstrated my Ka-rah-tay woman skills (I have no idea how to do karate or any other martial art), so perhaps that was part of my intimidation abilities with this bully.

A couple of things may have generated this dream. I was recently talking with Cousin Shane, and for whatever reason, I mentioned an incident that occurred when we were in school. We were sitting on the bus, ready to head home, and some younger kid behind us started picking on Shane. I can’t even remember what he said, but it was just stupid stuff. I was probably a junior or senior at this point (Shane was two classes behind me), so although I didn’t have a lot of clout with people in my own class, I had some with the younger kids. I recall getting fed up with this little twit, and whipped around and said, “Why don’t you just SHUT UP?” He did.

I recently posted a very good Huffington Post article, concerning the Anthony Weiner debacle, written by my friend Mark. A Facebook friend commented something about regardless of the sentiments expressed in the article, Mark is a bad writer.

What. The. Fuck? I said whoa, not cool. I said that I think he’s a great writer (check out The Trash Whisperer, dear blog reader, and decide for yourself), and did you miss that part where I said he’s a friend?

I don’t care what you think...if someone specifically mentions that a friend has written something (and they say they think it’s a great piece), you are being very rude to make such a disparaging remark about the friend’s writing abilities. I would call that a serious breach in Netiquette, and it’s also a really bush league thing to do. I’m all for the free exchange of ideas, but in that instance, just keep your mouth shut and go about your business, okay? Was there perhaps an element of jealousy there? Because Mark writes for Huffington Post and this person doesn’t? If so, maybe it’s time they quit acting like a junior high school girl.

Well, it was no big deal. Mark said that he didn’t take it personally, and if he knows anything, he knows that he’s a good writer (and perhaps the commenter saw himself implicated in Mark’s words), but he appreciated my willingness to defend him.

I’m far from a perfect person, but just as Mark is confident in his writing abilities, I am confident in my ability and willingness to defend friends or loved ones who are picked on, attacked, bullied, or even merely disparaged. I usually try to do it in a low-key way, and often a simple statement of disagreement and defense of my friend suffices to let the person know that they were out of line. I often get an apology. However, I don’t doubt that if I had to, I could push someone around a bit before they realized that I’m not a real big person. That’s the advantage of surprise. Dad told me he learned that lesson a long time ago. He wasn’t a big guy, so he learned how to surprise them and hit hard enough that they didn’t get back up right away...and that gave him time to run like hell. Haha!

I’m not a violent person, but if you’re my friend, I’ve got your back.

Cry me a river, honey

I'm dumbfounded by some of the recent GOP bonehead remarks and the subsequent scramble to rephrase and say, "That's not what I meant." Everyone does that once in a while, and we are often misconstrued in our remarks; this certainly seems to be becoming quite a pattern with the GOP, though. Some of it is, I believe, thinly-veiled racism.

First we had Sarah Palin telling lies on her Facebook page, writing about President Obama's "death panels," and how her parents or her child with Down syndrome would somehow be targeted for elimination because they aren't productive members of society. (Hey Sarah...if you're worried about that, you would probably do well to start getting a little nervous on your own behalf.) These so-called "death panels" are utter nonsense, nothing more than another scare tactic. After writing about the "death panels" and about how Obama's plan is "evil," riling up the base to the point of frothing at the mouth, Palin then backpedaled and told everyone that they should be respectful in their disagreement and maintain civility.

RNC Chairman Michael Steele issued an op-ed piece stating his opinions on health care, and when interviewed by NPR and asked to clarify his answers, he only became more inconsistent and nonsensical, seeming to back down from his original opinions and then going back to them...and finally accusing the interviewer of "doing a wonderful little dance here and trying to be cute." That's the way, Mike, when backed into a corner, attack the interviewer!

Then there's the weepy Glenn Beck, who said that President Obama has shown himself to be "a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture. I don't know what it is...." When his Faux News cohorts called him on it and said that he couldn't really say that, because a lot of people in Obama's administration are white, Beck said, "I'm not saying he doesn't like white people."

Say what?

After first saying that Obama hates white people, then saying that he's not saying that Obama doesn't like white people, he then says, "I'm saying he has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist."

Umm...just a question...how can you hate a race, but not dislike them, but still be a racist when it comes to dealing with them? Is that kind of like saying, "I don't like black people, but I'm not a racist?"

Michelle Bachmann...I guess I have to give her a little credit here, because she's actually sticking to her convictions, mistaken though they may be. When questioned about Sarah Palin's "death panels" by a caller on a radio show, Bachmann crowed that she was so glad Palin talked about death panels because these "are true." No. No, they are not. Apparently Bachmann has swallowed the lies hook, line, and sinker, and actually believes them to be true. Of course, Sarah Palin had to weigh in and praise Bachmann for her remarks. Small minds think alike.

Finally we have Kansas Representative Lynn Jenkins, who when talking about who will oppose President Obama in the future, said that the GOP needs a "great white hope." As I wrote on Facebook, her Freudian slip was showing. And yes, she backpedaled, too, said that wasn't what she meant, and "I apologize if my words have offended anyone." The standard non-apology apology that seems to be de rigueur for the GOP these days.

I guess this just goes to show you that no matter where you go, no matter what you do, and no matter how old you get, there will always be bullies. There will always be those people who believe that they can say whatever they want, and when someone actually dares to poke back, they then offer up some lame-ass apology as if that negates everything they have said before. Or else they get all pissy, like "Okay, just stop it." Give me a break. As Wyatt Earp said in "Tombstone," "You called down the thunder, well now you've got it!"

Let me tell you a little story. I used to know this girl...I won't say when, but it was some time ago. She was the type who loved to throw little digs at everyone. Usually they were nothing major, but sometimes they could really cut a person to the quick and really hurt their feelings. After every such dig, she'd say, "Just kidding." For real..."Wow, that was stupid. Just kidding." "Those shoes are ugly. Just kidding." It was like she felt that her little addendum of "just kidding" gave her a free pass to say whatever the hell she wanted, no matter how much it might hurt the person she said it to. I was one of many recipients of those insults followed by a "just kidding." Several of us had finally had it one day, and we proceeded to fire back. I don't recall us saying anything really nasty, just little insults, always followed by "Just kidding." At first, she sat there with her arms folded in front of her, a smirk on her face, her leg crossed and swinging wildly. Eventually, she began to put a hurt look upon her face, followed by a few little tears. Yeah...just kidding.

Did any of us feel bad about it? No. Not a bit. Sometimes you have to make a bully--and that was bullying behavior--understand that words can hurt every bit as much as fists. Such retaliation is usually not my style; I'm a person who is normally very easygoing. But if you push me hard enough and long enough, I will turn on you, and you will not like the results. I especially love it when the bully has to face someone who actually is willing to fight back, and then ends up all teary-eyed and put-upon, crying, "Stop it, guys, just stop it!" I have no sympathy, no compassion, and no quarter for bullies. I still remember someone on the school bus picking on someone I liked very much, and telling the bully, "Hey, why don't you just SHUT UP?" And they did. Yeah, I may not be big in size, but I make up for it in fierceness.

Why on earth would anyone think that they can say whatever they want and get a free pass on it? Do they think people are just going to sit back and take it? Do people like Beck, Palin, et al, think it's okay to spew whatever hatred, idiocy, and lies that happen to bubble to the surface of their swamps of a mind and then expect to not get called on it? Do you get a pardon just because you say "That's not what I meant" or "Just kidding"? Do you expect people to back off because you cry "Foul!" after your constant litany of nastiness? It just doesn't work that way, folks. You keep poking that snake, the snake is eventually going to strike back. There are always consequences; best to think about them before beginning a campaign of hate.