A loyal pain in the ass

I had a dream last night about defending someone. I don’t recall all the details, but I seem to recall that it took place in school, and someone was picking on a friend.

In typical dream form, I was much more than I could probably be in real life (although I’m not so sure...I’ll get to that in a moment). This bully was a big guy, and all five-foot-nothing of me got in his face, pushed him up against a locker, and made him whimper and cower with my verbal tongue-lashing. I also recall some sort of exhibition at the school in which I demonstrated my Ka-rah-tay woman skills (I have no idea how to do karate or any other martial art), so perhaps that was part of my intimidation abilities with this bully.

A couple of things may have generated this dream. I was recently talking with Cousin Shane, and for whatever reason, I mentioned an incident that occurred when we were in school. We were sitting on the bus, ready to head home, and some younger kid behind us started picking on Shane. I can’t even remember what he said, but it was just stupid stuff. I was probably a junior or senior at this point (Shane was two classes behind me), so although I didn’t have a lot of clout with people in my own class, I had some with the younger kids. I recall getting fed up with this little twit, and whipped around and said, “Why don’t you just SHUT UP?” He did.

I recently posted a very good Huffington Post article, concerning the Anthony Weiner debacle, written by my friend Mark. A Facebook friend commented something about regardless of the sentiments expressed in the article, Mark is a bad writer.

What. The. Fuck? I said whoa, not cool. I said that I think he’s a great writer (check out The Trash Whisperer, dear blog reader, and decide for yourself), and did you miss that part where I said he’s a friend?

I don’t care what you think...if someone specifically mentions that a friend has written something (and they say they think it’s a great piece), you are being very rude to make such a disparaging remark about the friend’s writing abilities. I would call that a serious breach in Netiquette, and it’s also a really bush league thing to do. I’m all for the free exchange of ideas, but in that instance, just keep your mouth shut and go about your business, okay? Was there perhaps an element of jealousy there? Because Mark writes for Huffington Post and this person doesn’t? If so, maybe it’s time they quit acting like a junior high school girl.

Well, it was no big deal. Mark said that he didn’t take it personally, and if he knows anything, he knows that he’s a good writer (and perhaps the commenter saw himself implicated in Mark’s words), but he appreciated my willingness to defend him.

I’m far from a perfect person, but just as Mark is confident in his writing abilities, I am confident in my ability and willingness to defend friends or loved ones who are picked on, attacked, bullied, or even merely disparaged. I usually try to do it in a low-key way, and often a simple statement of disagreement and defense of my friend suffices to let the person know that they were out of line. I often get an apology. However, I don’t doubt that if I had to, I could push someone around a bit before they realized that I’m not a real big person. That’s the advantage of surprise. Dad told me he learned that lesson a long time ago. He wasn’t a big guy, so he learned how to surprise them and hit hard enough that they didn’t get back up right away...and that gave him time to run like hell. Haha!

I’m not a violent person, but if you’re my friend, I’ve got your back.