Ted Nugent: Gone-zo

I didn’t want to write about this because I don’t like giving this idiot bandwidth, but the more I read, the more I want to say a few things. I’m not posting a picture of him, though. Here’s a picture of a cat wearing a Batman mask instead.

So Ted Nugent was speaking at an NRA convention. Nothing surprising there, because he’s been all up in our grills about guns and ammo and hunting and all that shit for a long time now. But he caught some flak this week for saying that if President Obama is re-elected, he’ll either be dead or in jail this time next year. Some considered that a not-so-veiled threat against the President, ‘cause see, why would Nugent be in jail or dead if President Obama is re-elected? Maybe because he’d do something violent, something that would cause him to be thrown in jail, or be shot because of his actions? Maybe something like, oh…trying to HARM the President? The Secret Service, which takes all threats seriously, will be interviewing him tomorrow. Nugent says he’s going to have a barbecue for them. I’m guessing that they will be all business, and politely decline...at least I hope so. The Secret Service has their own damage control to do, don’t they?

Anyway, Nugent swears that he didn’t threaten the President by making that statement. Says that he was just exercising his right to free speech, and he has the right to bear arms and blahbitty blah blah and YEEEEOWWWW your face is a Maserati! Oh, and he says that he never threatens people. Really? Roll the tape, please, Cal. (If I had a media guy, his name would be Cal.)



“Ride my machine gun.” Right. That’s not a threat. He calls President Obama a “piece of shit,” Hillary Clinton a “worthless bitch,” and Dianne Feinstein a “worthless whore.” Maybe name-calling isn’t a threat, but telling these people to ride his machine gun certainly seems a little threatening to me. If someone came up to you on the street and yelled, “Hey, you worthless bitch...ride my machine gun!” would you feel threatened? I sure would!

Okay, listen. This guy is pretty much washed up, and hasn’t been relevant for a long time. I liked some of his stuff when I was in the mood for ‘70s arena rock, which has been about once in the past 15 years or so. I said goodbye to him permanently when he wrote about Sarah Palin for Time and praised her “herculean work ethic.” Anyone saying that about Sarah Palin is obviously a delusional moron, and I had had enough. It’s one thing to be outrageous and on the edge, but when you cross the line into just plain stupid, I’m done with you.

There IS a line, and Nugent has crossed it, which I think he is beginning to comprehend. We all value free speech, and want to protect the right of everyone (even addlepated has-beens) to speak their mind and criticize opinions with which they don’t agree. But when you are so caught up in your bizarre little gun-totin’ world that you start using violent gun imagery to discuss people rather than policy, you’ve gone too far, and the Secret Service pays you a visit.

So get a grip here, Ted. What you have been saying is not cool, and the vast majority of people are not speaking of you in glowing terms tonight. They’re talking about how you’re an asshole, and how most of your music sucked, anyway. The only people who approve of a wingnut threatening the President of the United States of America are other wingnuts. So how about you just head on back to your little Michigan farm, shoot your little guns, and dream your little dreams about when you were out on the road and getting blow jobs from underage girls, okay? 

Oh, and Mittens? Do you think it might be time, finally, to show a little decency and backbone and prove that you actually have a pair of testes—or even ONE! Surely you have ONE teste!—and renounce this flaming asshole and decline his support? Or are you just going to continue to say that everyone needs to be civil? Jeez, what a pussy.

Speaking of pussy, here’s a picture of a cat dressed as Darth Vader. You’re welcome.