It’s not your intelligence

I spent most of the afternoon sitting out on the deck and reading my current book, but came in once in a while to do some things inside and check Facebook posts. Our friend Yasmin across the pond posted this interesting article by a woman named Kate Mulvey, titled “I’m Single at 50. Why?”

I think all of us have experienced guys at a party more willing to talk to some super sexy swingin’ gal rather than us. That just kind of comes with the territory. I also don’t doubt that there is often a dismaying dearth of guys who value intelligence over looks.

However, when I read this woman’s article, my immediate reaction was, “Really? Perhaps you’re single because you are an insufferable bunt who seems hell bent on ensuring that everyone knows exactly how intelligent you are.” I’m not kidding, she comes across as an egotistical bore. I commented to Yasmin that I’m sure it has nothing to do with the author’s superiority and smugness, and that I wouldn’t want to hang out with the woman, either!

Here’s the thing: if some guy would rather focus on the pair of tits that walks into the room rather than finding out that you’re an interesting person, that’s not the kind of guy you want to be with. It’s a good way to weed them out. It’s been my experience in the past that guys value intelligence and a sense of humor in the long run, and the best ones will take the time to get to know you and enjoy your company. If that’s not what they want, then you don’t want them.

When Ken and I first got together, I remember being on a road trip with his kids, heading to Michigan to see our friends Bill and Mary Sue. As we were driving along, his son (probably 9 or 10 at the time) said, “Hey Dad. Who’s smarter? You or Miss Beth?” I looked at Ken like “Well?” Ken didn’t miss a beat and said, “Neither of us is smarter than the other. We’re both smart in our own areas. I’m good in my engineering stuff, but Miss Beth is good in her lab stuff, and she’s also good with writing and spelling.” Good answer, Honey! It is a matter of recognizing and respecting each other’s mutual intelligence.

Here’s a tip for Ms. Mulvey, if she is really seeking someone to have in her life. It is quite possible to be intelligent without beating people over the head with it. You can also be kind, empathetic, and fun rather than an uptight jerk who feels the need to belittle others in order to feel better about yourself. Such an attitude is off-putting to others, whether you are seeking a romantic or platonic relationship. Just reading her words made me dislike her, because of her obviously condescending attitude and easy dismissal of so many as not worthy of her company.

Perhaps she would be happier getting a dozen or so cats and retiring to a little cottage in the countryside. There she can extol her intellectual virtues to her captive feline audience. She obviously doesn’t care much for people, especially those who can’t speak several languages and who are not published authors. Until you make room for everyone, Ms. Mulvey, you will never be happy with anyone...including yourself.