Lost in Suburbia

I’m all lost in the supermarket. I can no longer shop happily.

~The Clash, “Lost in the Supermarket”

I’m doing kitty care for Shane and Matt while they’re on vacation, and because of some road construction, my usual route to their house is going to be closed. So I made sure to map out the back way and successfully navigated the twists and turns of the neighborhood when I went over today. I was pretty proud of myself until I went to leave. Just do the opposite, right? Doesn’t that make sense? I almost immediately took a wrong turn and ended up on a road that was not supposed to be on my route.

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. I’m no brainiac, but I can usually work my way through a problem and find a solution. There are a few things that I find perplexing, though. One I wrote about yesterday. (Trump? Really? WHY?) One is figuring out which way time zones work, although I’ve gotten better with that over the years (sun rises in the east, Beth). A big one is a sense of direction. I have none. ZERO. If the sun is rising or setting, I can figure out which way is east and west, but I was over there right around noon, so the sun was of no help to me whatsoever. Stupid sun.

I finally pulled over to check my phone and saw that I was very close to a main drag that I could take to get home. Thank science for smartphones! I could have meandered all over that neighborhood until I managed to stumble across a place I recognized! It doesn’t help that it’s not laid out in a straight grid. The roads curve around all over the place—lovely to take a drive through and look at the cool houses, but a bitch to find your way out!

I’m all set for tomorrow, though. I made sure to map out the return trip, too.

The worst time I got lost was when we went camping at the nearby Potato Creek State Park. We were down by the lake, and I said I was going to head back to the cabin—on foot—to get cleaned up and start dinner. I ended up wondering if they were going to have to send out a search party for me, because I was hopelessly lost. We’re talking about over 3,800 acres, folks. Visions of Baby Jessica down the well started springing to mind, and helicopters with searchlights, and was I going to have to sleep in a tree? I was rescued when Ken and the kids pulled up beside me and Ken said, “Need a ride?” There was amusement in his voice, but he figured out pretty quickly that I wasn’t in a real freakin’ jocular mood. I can laugh about it now, but at the time, it really was kind of scary.

I envy people like Shane who seem to have a roadmap in their heads. I have never feared getting lost when I’m with Shane, and we’ve been out in the cornfields of Indiana trying to get back to to a main road and avoid the Children of the Corn.

I’ll say it again. Thank science for smartphones and MapQuest!

I don’t really get lost in the supermarket, though. I’ve got that one down.