I read an interesting article by Josh Marshall at TPM today which was titled “The Bomb Bursts. It Will Keep Happening.” He had many good things to say, but this really jumped out at me:
We also elected a President who is an abuser and a predator. I’ve analogized him before to an abusive man in an abused household—only his house is now the country, now with all the cumulative exhaustion, warped perceptions and damage that are the common lot of people living with and trapped with violent predators, addicts or people with certain profound mental illnesses.
It had never occurred to me until I read that just how much he is like an abusive boyfriend or husband or partner. I’m certainly not the only one who has had to deal with that in the past and this was definitely a gut punch. As a friend pointed out, there is the gaslighting, too.
Jeebus, the grievances, the criticisms, the “no one will ever love you like I do” (AKA “I alone can fix it”), the verbal tirades, the efforts to wear you down to the point where you just say, “Whatever...I can’t do this anymore tonight. I’m going to bed,” and then him not letting you rest, following you in and continuing to yell at you and harangue you and tell you all about how you have let him down and upset him. Then the pity party when you get, “I’m so sorry, I’ll never do that again, please forgive me!”
So you do. And the cycle continues until you’re afraid to come home from work because you have no idea what kind of mood he’s going to be in and what you are going to say or do that will set him off.
Sound familiar?
For me, personally, the cycle broke when my personal yam called me a “stupid shit.” I lost it and yelled, “Don’t ever call me stupid!” And that was what began the unraveling process. It wasn’t easy and it got pretty ugly when he went around town talking shit about me (does that also sound familiar?), but I made my break and moved on.
The so-called “president” is our nation’s abusive boyfriend. He has no qualms about calling a large segment of our country “stupid shits.” He does not want to represent us and his fragile, bruised ego will countenance no disagreement. He wants to dictate, not lead.
The abusive boyfriend or spouse is an unfit partner.
I know I’m not the only one feeling disgusted and heartsick after watching the Charlottesville event unfold this weekend.
I went from ridicule and hilarity (Tiki torches? Really?) to disgust (didn’t we fight these wars already, you inbred crackers?) to horror (seeing the car plow through people, empty shoes on the ground as people were literally thrown out of their shoes).
We went to a South Bend Cubs baseball game today, and I paid extra attention to the national anthem as it was sung. We had a mixed-race couple in front of us, and some Spanish-speaking people behind us. The lady next to me spoke both English and Spanish and we shared a few laughs about various things during the game. They were all into the game, cheering for our Cubs. There were obnoxious kids, there was a little girl with her face covered in nacho cheese, there were kids catching foul balls. We drank beer, ate hot dogs, I probably got a little sunburned, but I had myself a good time.
At one point, I thought, “This is who we are.”
I thought of my Dad and three of his brothers who all enlisted to fight in WWII. My Dad was in North Africa and Italy, my Uncle Burt was in the Pacific, my Uncle Les was in Italy and suffered hearing damage from the Battle of Anzio, and my Uncle Ted was a paratrooper who was poised to invade Japan. The story in our family is that my grandma cried herself to sleep every night worrying about her four sons in the war.
My Dad and my uncles fought this war already and if we have to fight it again, in our own country, we will do so.
We will not be defined by a group of fascists who exist simply to hate others. We didn’t fight a Civil War for nothing. We didn’t fight the Nazis for nothing. We didn’t fight for women’s right to vote for nothing, we didn’t fight the Civil Rights battles for nothing, and we didn't fight for marriage equality for nothing.
We fought FOR something. We fought for people to be safe, free, and unoppressed. We fought for equal rights and for the right of everyone in this country to be protected from discrimination and hatred. Our fellow countrymen and women were willing to give their lives, face jail time, and suffer beatings in order to defend those freedoms. They fought to advance America’s ideals and make our country a better place for everyone. We cannot and must not let their sacrifices be for nothing.
There is no room here for white supremacists who push an agenda of hatred. We must make it clear that they are the minority and while they have the right to voice their hateful opinions, we have the right to challenge them and voice our own opinions. We can and will condemn them for their hate.
Matt and I will be attending a solidarity rally downtown tomorrow evening. I want to be a part of inclusiveness and positivity rather than hate and negativity.
I also need to say that when I watched the “president’s” remarks on the situation yesterday, I was utterly appalled. He refused to call it what it was, far-right domestic terrorism, and in a moment when he had the chance to console us and reassure us, he simply read the remarks that were written for him and refused to condemn FUCKING NEO-NAZIS. I mean, how hard is it to say, “Neo-Nazis are bad!” This was a big test of his leadership skills, and I was unsurprised (but still shocked) that he failed miserably.
In the absence of leadership, it is up to all of us to step up and make our stand.
As my friend Leanne commented a while back, I choose to stand for truth, justice, and rock and roll!
You’re the kind of man who wants everyone to think
that he’s successful
So you talk about it, and you write about it,
and blah blah blah blah
But way deep down inside you’re afraid that you’re a fraud
~~ “Like Dogs” by The Rainmakers
Check one!
Instead of focusing on the Yam threatening to blow up North Korea, I’m going to write about something else. But that is really, really bad and someone (paging General Kelly!) needs to yank that goddamn phone out of his hand and smash it right in front of him and then rub his face in it until he fucking GETS IT ALREADY.
[deep breath]
I’m not going to write about that, though. It’s a little too horrifying for me to contemplate right now, anyway.
I’m going to write about another story I saw about how the Yam is “sending messages” to special counsel Robert Mueller, telling him how much he appreciates what he is doing. At least according to the Yam Legal Team (The Yamteam? The Yamyers?), anyway. Who knows anymore? They all lie like rugs. It seems pretty obvious that the Yam is very worried about this investigation and about what Mueller might find out. And well he should be.
So if he really is sending him notes (I made a joke on Facebook and Twitter about getting a leaked copy of one of the notes, seen above), it is probably part of an effort to butter Mueller up, suck up to him, and flatter him in a clumsy attempt to get him to go easy on him. This tells us a lot about the Yam.
First, he has no concept of personal and professional integrity. We saw this with James Comey (Jaaaaames). He tried to wine and dine Comey at the White House, calling him up just to see how he was doing, and then in return, expected a pledge of loyalty. When he didn’t get it, and when Comey continued with the investigation about Russia, he fired him.
Another gratuitous picture of James Comey
Second, and this is related to the first item, he also does not understand the concept of swearing an oath to uphold and defend the Constitution rather than pledging loyalty to any one person. As a businessman, he expected unfailing loyalty, and he just can’t grasp why he is not getting it from certain people in the FBI or the Department of Justice. They are not there to do your bidding, you tool, they are there to uphold the Constitution.
He just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get the mission of the FBI and why they are and must be above partisan politics. (Some would argue this point, and I will debate that all damn day...but not on this day.)
All of these things are beyond his comprehension. He has no integrity so he does not understand it when he sees it in others. He expects loyalty from others but is incapable of exhibiting it himself. He loves the power of the presidency without understanding the great responsibilities with which it comes. (Someone slip him a Spiderman comic book, please.) He is stumbling through his presidency like a wounded bull, clueless and in pain, wanting to harm whatever stands in his way.
He is a damaged person.
And if he thinks that Robert Mueller will be swayed or softened by his platitudes about how the Yam appreciates what he is doing, he doesn’t understand people at all. A Marine and Vietnam veteran, a prosecutor, an FBI director so beloved by both parties that he was asked to stay on two years beyond his ten-year term, this guy has dealt with the worst dregs of society and humanity and maintained his sense of justice and integrity. I guarantee that Mueller doesn’t give one single fuck about your laudatory messages, Yamboy. He has lived a life of integrity and worked for the betterment of humanity and the ideal of justice for his entire career. He doesn’t need your little “attaboys” and is probably disgusted by them.
By all means, keep throwing that sop to Cerberus, Yammy...but Robert Mueller is coming for you. And I’m guessing that he is a man who does not suffer fools lightly.
We don’t go to see that many movies in the theater, but when anything by Stephen King gets to the big screen, that’s a must-see.
So today we checked out “The Dark Tower,” which brought King’s magnum opus to life. Or at least breathed some life into a project that has been lingering in limbo for many years.
There are no spoilers here, just general impressions.
No, this did not follow the books much at all. I had already read that, so I wasn’t disappointed by that fact.
I loved the Stephen King easter eggs we caught little glimpses of! I’ll need to watch it again to catch them all, but I caught a few, including a woman walking a St. Bernard (Cujo).
Excellent casting. Tom Taylor was perfect as Jake Chambers, Matthew McConaughey played the Man in Black with a wonderful, dark glee, and Idris Elba…?
There was some discontent about a person of color playing Roland. Everyone can shut up about that now, because he brought Roland of Gilead to life in a way that made me weep. I don’t know how anyone can read the books and not fall a little bit in love with the IDEA and IDEAL of Roland. He is nothing less than a knight along the lines of King Arthur’s court, defending truth, justice, and the Mid-World way. Oh, and trying to save not just his world but every other world that is out there, including ours. The Dark Tower must survive and Roland is there to protect it.
So yes. Idris Elba delivered. Total bad-ass. Some great fight sequences! The man can rock a duster, that’s for damn sure.
I do not aim with my hand; I aim with my eye.
He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.
I do not shoot with my hand; I shoot with my mind.
He who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.
I do not kill with my gun; I kill with my heart.
He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father.
~~ The Gunslinger Mantra
I’m not going to lie. Hearing this spoken by Roland of Gilead sent a shiver down my spine and it made me cry. Anyone who has read and loved the books will be as moved as I was. If Repairman Jack ever makes it to the big screen, I’ll be just as moved. Both Roland and Jack are literary figures who embody our sense of justice. I think it’s fair to add James Bond into that mix. That is why we love them. (And personally, it’s why I’m currently loving the FBI so much.)
Will purist fans of the books be upset with the movie? Maybe. Probably. I found it so fun and engaging that when the movie ended, I still had a third of my beer left and I had to drink it fast! I’ll be the first to admit that it doesn’t even begin to tell the full tale of Roland Deschain. That’s why I’m so excited to hear that the TV show is currently being developed, and the showrunner will be Glen Mazzara, who was the showrunner for “The Walking Dead” for a while. With a serial, I think there is great potential to tell Roland’s story in depth and to introduce Eddie and Susannah, and Mazzara promises us billy bumblers! Oy!
But as someone who loved the books and the characters from the start, I can say that the actors in the movie delivered. They each were everything I’d hoped for in Roland, Walter, and Jake.
I look forward to traveling the Beam with the ka-tet at some point in the future. All things serve the Beam.
If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ‘em!
~~ John Waters
There are many books that I love, but I have two that are my co-favorites. The one that would be considered a classic is The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck) and the more modern, pop culture-ish one is The Stand (Stephen King).
I read the latter many years before the former. To be honest, if I had to pick one favorite, one that I could read over and over again, it would be The Stand. (Sorry, Steinbeck.) Why that book? It’s not traditional “literary” material, i.e., the critics weren’t enamored of it. Well, screw that.
It means a lot to me because I read it in my formative years, when I was in high school, and that was during a time when I was traveling a weird, dark road. I look back at it now and I’m really not sure where that came from, but it was this strange mix of authoritarianism and rebellion, and the authoritarianism part is so far removed from who I am now that I really don’t understand what was going on in my head. Teenagers, right?
Anyway, something in that book just clicked everything into place for me. It was rebellion against authoritarianism, and finally realizing that the two were mutually exclusive meant everything to me. It was a genuine epiphany. It was the age-old question “Will you use your powers for good...or for evil?” Reading about Stu, Glen, Larry, and Ralph making their stand for good honestly changed my life. I’m not a bad seed, by any means, and my ship would have righted itself at some point anyway, but I still remember reading the book and going, “Yeah. That’s the side I want to be on. I want to fight for what is right.”
When I was thinking about these two favorite books the other day (everyone thinks about their favorite books, right?), I initially thought, “It’s weird that these two books are my favorites. They’re so different.”
Then it hit me. They really aren’t that different at all. MIND BLOWN.
That’s right! It was another epiphany! I love having those!
It made me think of the old essay question to “compare and contrast” two very different things. I always loved those exercises because I could usually come up with some pretty good arguments for both. I won’t bother much with the contrast part here, because those are pretty obvious: different time period, different circumstances, different types of people, that kind of stuff. What interests me more are the similarities. And believe me, until just the other day, this had not occurred to me.
They are both, at heart, apocalyptic novels.The Stand (TS) is certainly the more dystopian story, with over 99% of the world dying from a killer strain of influenza. A lot more people died in that universe. But think of the poor Joad family in The Grapes of Wrath (GoW) and every other family displaced by the Dust Bowl. Wasn’t that the end of the world—at least as they knew it—for them? When you can’t raise any crops and your family is starving, that’s pretty apocalyptic, isn’t it? So what do you do?
Road trip! In my world, road trips are a fun adventure, but in the worlds of TS and GoW, it is a matter of survival. In GoW, the Joads travel west, as did so many other refugees of the Dust Bowl, in order to find a better life and a way to survive. A dream of a better life. In TS, the survivors of the plague traveled west because of dreams that compelled them to find the source of those dreams. Something was drawing them both west. And along the way, what did both encounter?
Challenges. The road before you is not always easy. The Joads encountered hostility from people they met, the road was fraught with danger, and people were lost along the way. The survivors of TS had to scavenge for food, deal with hostile, unhinged people, and cope with the end of the world as they knew it. In the expanded version of the novel, they have to attempt an emergency appendectomy on one of their group. Can you imagine? Both the survivors and the Joads had similar experiences as they traveled west.
Good versus Evil. While TS treats this more literally, with a showdown between those who have aligned with the positive force in the universe (call it God, because that is what Mother Abigail believed it was) and those who threw their support to someone who is possibly Lucifer himself, the Walkin Dude, Randall Flagg, the Joads have to deal with the banality of evil, to use Hannah Arendt’s phrase. They encounter petty men who despise them for their refugee status and exploit them for cheap labor. They live in horrible conditions and there is no easy way out.
The triumph of Good over Evil. Although that’s a little ambiguous in both stories. The survivors of TS eventually prevail over Randall Flagg, but it’s clear that he’s not entirely gone. There is still a worrying doubt about whether anyone has learned anything from what should have been an obvious lesson. Tom Joad has his moment of righteous fury and kills a man, and he gives a stirring speech about how he’ll be there when anyone is getting screwed over. But he has to flee and leave his family, so his moment of righteousness came at great cost.
In conclusion, as in all great apocalyptic novels (or movies, or TV shows), the reader must answer the question, “What would I do in this situation? How would I handle it? Would I be on the right side or the wrong side?” Part of the appeal, at least for me, is the psychological aspect of it. How do we react when we are in dire circumstances? (It’s why “The Walking Dead” is my favorite show.)
I know that my advice would be to stick with the good. Do what you need to do in order to survive and protect your family, but you really want to be on the side of good.
I posted about this on Facebook and got so many interesting remarks, and it prompted my own thoughts, that I decided I’d make a blog entry out of it.
On Friday, I got a package in the mail, and when I opened it, I found this book and this note. I do not know who sent it. It came from the return address of sales and marketing company in Brea, California. I do not know of anyone who is in Brea, I don’t recognize the handwriting on the note, and there was no additional note to tell me who sent it.
Muy misterioso, no?
I can only assume that it was a Facebook friend who decided that I might be interested in the book and took the time to look up my address online (probably not hard to do) and package it up and mail it out. When I posted it on Facebook, I said that if the person who sent it doesn’t want to post publicly, they could send me a private message, but I still have not had anyone step up and say that they were the one who sent it.
At first, I took it as an oddity, a weird little mystery about which to speculate on Facebook, and didn’t think too much about it. But as is my wont, I kept thinking about it, because something about it just niggled at me. And, as is also my wont, I have a few things to say about it. If this person is a Facebook friend, as I suspect, I hope they see this, because they need to.
First, Lee Strobel is generally considered to be a total hack among my atheist friends. He attempts to couch things in scientific terms, but he’s no more a scientist than I’m the Queen of England. He has no background in science whatsoever. Zero.
Second, why the secrecy? Why didn’t you sign your name? It’s almost as though you are ashamed, or more likely, worried about what I might say to you. (The latter is a legitimate concern, as you can tell, because I am writing a blog entry about it.)
And what is your purpose in sending this to me? Do you want to convert me? Are you so concerned about your own beliefs that you feel that I need to validate them with my own approval? (This was posited by my friend Mark, and I think it’s a legitimate point, one that hadn’t occurred to me.)
Finally, and this is really important, you have no idea of how I came to this point in my feelings about religion. You seem to have the arrogance to think that I haven’t thoroughly thought about this in my 50+ years of life on this earth. That if I really think about it, and read a book by some dude with no science background, I’ll suddenly have an epiphany and the scales will fall from my eyes.
You have no idea about my background or what type of religious indoctrination (I use that word purposefully) I received. You have no clue about the conflicts with which I have struggled in my life, including an ex-husband who “found God” and decided that I was possessed by a demon. You don’t know about someone in my life who burned one of my books because it had bad words in it. BURNED A BOOK.
You don’t know how I have grappled with these matters for much of my adult life, and the guilt that I have felt because I wasn’t pious enough or worthy enough to get into heaven and would surely burn in hell.
You don’t know how I prayed desperately for God to heal people I loved dearly, including an aunt who was like my second mom and an uncle who told me from his hospital bed that he thought of me as his daughter. They died, anyway.
You don’t know how I can’t be myself around certain family members because for them to find out that I don’t believe would be so horrible to them that I would be getting daily, tearful calls telling me to mend my ways.
You don’t know. But you were presumptuous enough to send me this book, thinking that you might save my soul, or that I might validate you, or whatever the hell reason you sent it to me. But you didn’t have the courage to stand up for your convictions and at least say, “Hey, Beth, I sent this to you because….” You did it anonymously. I think that is something you might need to explore about yourself, rather than worrying about my immortal soul.
One of the many reasons I left religion behind was the arrogance of those who have decided that their beliefs are the only true ones and that everyone must get on that Jesus train or burn in hell. My ex-husband was determined that I would see the light and when I saw that his attempts to convert me were going to continue as long as I was married to him, I asked for a divorce.
I do not make decisions lightly, and leaving religion behind was not easy. It took me many years of thinking, pondering, and discussion. Do you know how incredibly difficult it is to break away from a mindset and belief system that has been indoctrinated in you since you were old enough to walk? This has not been an easy journey for me and I still deal with family issues because of it. I’ll just say it...the fact that you would presume so many things about me and decide that I need to get religion is not only offensive to me, it is insulting. And it pissed me off. That is something you really don’t want to do.
Listen. I’m a tolerant person. I’m cool with people believing what they want to believe, as long as those beliefs don’t hurt or discriminate against others. Some people who have a deep and abiding faith do very good things because they feel it is the central tenet of many religions to serve others. I respect that, I really do. But some of us help others because we feel it’s just the right thing to do. Both are equally valid approaches with a common goal.
So if I can respect those who believe, why can’t you, Mystery Mailer, respect me for not believing?
And people started saying, "I want my voice to count"
And people started learning that they don't need to fight
And they control their future and try to make it right
~~ “The News” by Carbon/Silicon
Eugene Robinson had a great column in the Washington Post titled “This Country Deserves Much Better Than Trump.” I’m not linking to it because it’s behind the paywall, but if you have access, I highly recommend it. This quote is what got me thinking:
“It's exhausting, I know, but don't let outrage fatigue numb you to the moral bankruptcy and gross incompetence of the Trump administration. This ugly departure from American norms and values must be opposed with sustained passion—and with the knowledge that things will probably get worse before they get better.”
This is exactly what I’ve been struggling with off and on since the election. I am an optimistic, happy person, but there are days when I feel so exhausted and angry and in such despair that I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I had that kind of day yesterday but I managed to pull myself out of it and it made me think about how to deal with what I’m coming to think of as Yam Fatigue Syndrome. It’s such a constant shitstorm of incompetence and ignorance and downright meanness that it can overwhelm. Then there is dealing with friends and family members who voted for him. It’s enough to send even the most optimistic person around the bend.
There are actually books out there that deal with this topic. How do we stay afloat in the Age of the Yam? I haven’t read any of them yet, but I have a few thoughts of my own. These are things that help me and maybe they’ll help you, too. Which is the very first thing on my list!
Support and encourage each other. There are times when I have to step away from social media, but other times, I find that my friends and family members provide much-needed strength and fortitude. We are in this together and it is up to us to help each other and provide a source of encouragement when needed. I’m such a positive person that I find myself being that source more often than not, but it’s almost like a bank or that weird thing that nobody knew was so hard, health insurance. *cough* You pay into it and you have something there when you need it. For every person I’ve encouraged and tried to help stay positive, I’ve gotten that same kind of encouragement when my own battery was running low. We help each other. That’s how it works!
Do things that make you happy and renew your spirit. For me, that is a lot of things. Music is a big one, as are books. I also feel a sense of peace and renewal when I pay attention to the flora and fauna of Nutwood. Seeing deer walking through the back yard is something that never fails to bring a smile to my face. Everyone has something that brings them that sense of joy and peace. Do those things.
Keep your sense of humor! We have to keep laughing. Thank goodness for people like Seth Meyers, Stephen Colbert, and Samantha Bee (and many others). They point out the absurdity and horridness of the Yamistration but manage to give us a good laugh while they do it. You don’t even have to laugh about political stuff. Just hang onto that sense of humor and try to find things that give you a good laugh. One of the biggest laughs I’ve had lately was about that weird Google AI humanoid thing learning to walk. I laughed so hard that I cried (and yes, I snorted) and it was quite a catharsis. Never get so angry that you lose the ability to laugh. At least not for long.
As many of you know, I’ve become an admirer of former FBI Director James Comey. Don’t get me started, but I’ll just say that I find his integrity very compelling. He’s one of the Good Guys and we need to cherish and encourage that. Anyway, I saw a video of him talking about what he tells (or told) new recruits coming into the FBI. It was two things, so this point gets its own subcategory! Wheeeee! Outlines are fun!
Gratuitous Comey picture
Sleep. Yep, he told recruits to get enough sleep and that it was not a moral failing to do so. He said that you work better and smarter when you get enough sleep and that sleep deprivation doesn’t help when it comes to churning out the best work (or being the best person you can be). I sometimes have a hard time with this because I love to stay up late and don’t like to sleep the day away, so if I have one of my late nights, it can mean that I really don’t get the sleep that I need. And you know what? That’s when I’m at my most irritable and impatient. Little things can get to me and I am definitely not at my best.
The other thing that Comey told his recruits was to love someone. What a simple thing, but what an important thing! His thinking there was that it provides something to ground you and keep you focused on what matters. I’m sure that for FBI recruits, it also makes you think about your mission and about what you are fighting for, as well as insulating you from the many bad things that particular job can entail. (“Silence of the Lambs” shout-out!) I think this applies to civilians, too. Who or what do you love? Why do you do what you do? Why do some of us protest things even if we aren’t directly affected? Do we love others and want to help them? Do we love freedom and democracy? Do we love our country and want all of its citizens to prosper and thrive? Comey said to “love someone.” I would expand that to “someone or something.”
So that is my list, at least everything that I can think of for now. Granted, it definitely helps to be an optimistic person and I am certainly that. But even I need some encouragement at times, and these things help me. Your results may vary. I think it’s important to realize that we are in this for the long haul and as Robinson wrote, things could get worse before they get better. That makes it more important than ever to support and encourage each other.
