Saturday, February 28, 2009

A tangled web

I was emailing today with a friend who has found someone who makes them very happy. It made me very happy, too, and one of the things they wrote really struck me. It was about how their someone doesn't play games and doesn't lie.

I wrote back that one of the things that always royally pissed me off when I was single was when someone distrusted me or didn't believe that what I was saying was true, because of past experiences with women. I realize that people get burned in relationships, and almost everyone has encountered that evil partner who thinks that the only way to live life is by lying, cheating, and stealing. Their modus operandi is manipulation, and they will do whatever they need to do to get their way.

I have no patience for drama queens, of either gender, and manipulators. They give everyone a bad name, and it was always extremely frustrating to have my motives questioned. This happens in other arenas besides romantic relationships--years ago, I heard that some of my coworkers thought that I had some sort of plan, or hidden agenda. I actually laughed when I heard that, because believe me, I'm no Dr. Evil. I don't sit up at night and plot the next step in my great scheme to take over the world. Who wants to rule the world, anyway? The benefits are lousy, and the hours are worse. And the health care plan sucks.

It's not uncommon for manipulators to get their least for a while. But it's been my experience that deception really is a very tangled web, and the deeper you get, the harder it is to find your way out. Such behavior almost always comes back to bite you on the ass, and with each untruth there will eventually be a consequence. We may not be able to control the manipulator, but we can certainly control our response to them. Don't be drawn into their crazy little universe, where carrots are dangled and sticks are brandished. That is not the way of rational human beings, and if someone is treating you in such a manner, I advise you to run the other way and leave them to their idle threats and their misery.


  1. Excellent points Beth. I deal with a very manipulative person in my life and they are so frustrated with me because I don't let it happen. I don't and won't tolerate someone who questions my motives either.

    Somehow I can't picture you with a "hidden" agenda ~ I would think anyone who knew you would know anything you were agenda-ing wouldn't be hidden. You aren't that kind of person.

  2. Providing false airs only leads to hurt feelings and difficulties. I think that is why when we first met, and we were honest with each other, that it turned out extremely positive :o)

  3. I thought she waved a pistol under your nose and demanded that you never leave, Ken?

  4. I try not to allow myself to be manipulated, though sometimes it blindsides me, and then I am PO'd! I don't seek revenge, rather, I'm just more careful! I stay away from people like that, and when they're family (they usually are!) its a little harder to maintain that distance.

  5. Oh the tangled web we all weave! I totally agree with you Sweetie.

    We have all come across the manipulators. Most of us have survived and/or at least have learned a very hard lesson. I pray for the ones who have not learned and escaped their path yet.

    Hugs, Rose

  6. Truer words were never spoken!

    And now, of course, we all want to hear about how you and Ken met and how this romance came to be!

    (pulling up a chair)

  7. Pulling up a chair beside Melissa!! I SOOO agree with you, I do NOT have time for manipulators or drama queens. I work with someone who is a MASTER manipulater, she HATES me because I never let her manipulate me. But everyone has caught on to her game, so she doesn't get away with too much anymore, I expect her to get bored and leave pretty soon... LOL!!

  8. I ran. Knowing when to stop running is also important. Unfortunately I never learned that in time to build a new life for myself.

  9. you are preaching to the choir here, Beth. XO

  10. 'Who wants to rule the world, anyway? The benefits are lousy, and the hours are worse. And the health care plan sucks.'


  11. The phrase that has resonated with me during my recent relationship *misfortune* is, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time".
    Sometimes the manipulation is of our own making, trying to make someone into something they aren't, wearing rose colored glasses, believing that "love" will conquer all. When we lie to ourselves, that's the greatest deception of all.
    Great post.
    love and hugs!

  12. I will not let myself be manipulated. I was painfully insecure in my first marriage and allowed his family to manipulate me right out of the marriage. Probably for the best because sometimes I think I look for it to happen. Lucy

  13. Good Post, Beth. I have been manipulated by the best in two failed marriages. Experience (and probably AGE) has taught me that life is too short to be used like that. I'd like to think I am too savvy for that to ever happen again ....but then, ya know, love often comes with blinders. Just sayin.

  14. I don't know, I had a world domination scheme going for about 2 seconds. Sounded good in theory......But, truthfully, I appreciate life without people in it that are toxic.

  15. Hear hear Beth you raised some really good points and like you "I don't do drama"

    Take care


  16. Such people get caught up in their tales to the point that they decieve themselves. Like a Vampire, they will drain the life liquard if you bare your neck to them. The only thing that 'runs' such creatures off is the light of Truth. Thruth is something that they not only can't stay, but chsses them off and may even be the cause of their death.
    Or salvation.

  17. Wise words! Of course, I am a drama queen, but I'm a benevolent one.

  18. I live with a musician who is off on gigs more than he's home. I can't afford to have trust issues or jealousy. He in turn has to trust me because he's gone all the time. To me and I believe in his case we're aware when the other isn't there, like a piece is missing in the whole.

    I had way too many people in my past that gave me pause when it comes to trust. I don't want to venture down that path again. Great post! (Hugs)Indigo


I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?