Monday, January 4, 2010

I’m the princess of Canada!

Beth and a Labatt's There is a point to that title, a connection between Point A and Point B, but you'll have to wait a moment. It makes sense to me, but then I'm probably not thinking entirely clearly.

I won't make this too long, because I got up at six o'clock Sunday morning, and after getting about three hours of sleep, I'm amazed I didn't just curl up and die, but I did it. It was for a bus trip to Detroit to see the Lions play the Bears. A meaningless game, really, but fun to see Detroit again. (I may have to write more about the city at some point. It is a tragic tale of a great American city.) I'm glad I didn't pull an all-nighter like I thought about, because there was precious little sleeping to be done on the bus. Not only did the sun come up—I know, can you believe the nerve?—and shine right in my eyes, someone had the bright idea to show the movie "Valkyrie," and guess who was sitting right under a speaker? I was subjected to Tom Cruise and shit blowing up right in my ear after three hours of sleep, and that is not a good combination, believe me. I was okay, really, probably because I didn't have the energy to get pissed. Although at one point, a young girl asked her Dad about Hitler, and he said, "Well, you know how Obama is? Hitler was kind of like that but worse," or some such utter bullshit.

I kept my mouth shut at the time, but I can voice my displeasure here by saying what I would have liked to have said: "You fucking asshole. To make such a comparison is to diminish the misery of everyone who suffered at the hands of that monster, and shame on you for passing such ignorance, hatred, bigotry, and sheer fucktardedness on to your child. You suck."

There. I feel better.

Ford Field So Ford Field is cool. I don't know if they do this for every game, or if it's because of the recent foiled bombing, but I actually got patted down before going into the stadium. The woman said, "I'm sorry, baby," and I said, "It's okay." This is the reality of our today, and no need to apologize, you know? It had been a long time since I'd been to a pro game (the last one was the Colts when they were still playing at the Hoosier Dome...before the name changed to the RCA Dome), and Ford Field is a great facility. Seats about 65,000, and it surprises me that Notre Dame stadium seats more! Everyone was really cool and nice. I was standing in the concourse, and a worker cruised by and said to me, "Hey, how are you? Happy New Year!" I said, "I'm good, thank you! And you, too!" I just love it when people are nice! Sitting in the bar before the game, started talking to a couple of Lions fans, both Ford employees. When I said I was on my fourth Mustang, I think they decided they liked me. One of the guys is also trying to travel to as many stadiums as possible, and he said the new LucasOil Stadium (home of my Colts) is his favorite so far. Cool! Everyone was just really friendly and cool.

Comerica Park Detroit is just across the river from Canada, and there were signs everywhere (signs, signs, everywhere signs) for the bridge to Canada. Even at Comerica Field, home of the Tigers, they were flying the Canadian flag. I gave a mental wave to my Canadian friends. :) Note the baseball in the mouth of the Tiger—I think that's so cute, and they're all along the baseball stadium exterior. There was a mention of the Windsor Ballet, and yeah, I got that reference. Oh, actually, I think I was the one who said it first!

Because of the proximity to Canada, all the vendors were selling...Labatt's Blue! (Note the picture of me above with my Labatt’s Blue.) Happy happy joy joy! It's only my favorite beer EVAH, and having it on tap made Beth a happy girl. The game was boring (yeah, I said it), because they weren't playing for anything. The Lions definitely aren't in the playoffs, and I'm not certain, but I don't think the Bears are, either. Most people were well-behaved and having fun (made a bet with a guy sitting next to me that the Colts wouldn't tank in the playoffs...wish I knew who he was, 'cause I am going to win that bet!), but there were the occasional disturbances. A group of guys were feeling way too good, and at one point, a bunch of cops (seven or eight of them) walked up to our section and seemed to be checking things out.

It was not because of me! I can't believe you would even think that.

Austin Powers cart Since I was so happy that they had Labatt's on tap, by the time the game was over and we all got back on the bus, I passed out slept the entire way back home. I think they had football on, but hell if I know. I was just happy I could sleep, and I was out like a light. Which is what I need to do here soon. (I really wasn’t that bad—just really tired!)

Oh! But I have to explain the title of the entry, and the thought processes that got me there. There were a couple of times that some guy drove one of these yellow carts out onto the sideline. It reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from the first Austin Powers movie, where Austin is trying to escape Dr. Evil's secret underground lair, and gets one of these stuck sideways in the hallway. The first time I saw it, I was crying with laughter, and it still never fails to crack me up. I couldn't find that scene, but I did find a deleted scene from Dr. Evil's appearance on the Jerry Springer show, and because of the Canadia Connection (heehee!) today, I thought I'd put it up here. It's not as good as the Shorn Scrotum monologue, but it's still fun.


  1. woo hooo! you were on a labattical!

    glad you two had a safe trip and enjoyed our city for a hot min.


  2. Too bad the asshat talking to his daughter never lived under hitler; he might be singing a different tune now.

  3. You crack me up! Get some sleep.

    Hugs, Rose

  4. I love Labatt's Blue Light, mostly because I like saying "Blue Light" like a special at KMart...
    But I can't find it here in the states!
    So I'll have to have a Labatta's Blue "Heavy" next time I see it as a toast to the princess of Canada!

  5. I appreciate your fine column as a partial homeage to those of us up here in the north. I really do not like Labbats Blue (I would prefer a Sam Adams actually!). But that is ok--go for it. In 1994, when my wife was pregnant, we drove with friends to Tiger stadium to see the Tigers play the Blue Jays (Detriot won). My wife's 'condition' may have been responsible for her feeling of being overwhelmed at the game because of all the people around us. She was tearful and I had to give up our great seats for a while and console her at the back of the lower area. All the time trying to catch what was happening on the field. Sometimes life is so complex. But our favorite memories of that trip were from the hotel where we stayed (our friends traveled to Detriot quite a bit to watch basketball games). The kitchen was HOPPING in the morning. Joan and I sat there amazed while they plowed through order after order of pancakes, eggs, bacon etc. It was so well coreographed that it was like a ballet. When the cop came in to collect two huge shopping bags full of breakfasts we imagined some elaborate stakeout taking place in the heart of this (formerly) great American city. It is also where we learned that when Americans ask you 'white or wheat' they mean 'Would you like white toast, or whole wheat toast'. How efficient you all are!

    Ted Parkinson

  6. The people at Ford Field must really get drilled on being polite... I remember how helpful they were with me when I went to the regular season game between State and Carolina last year...

    ... man, having to sit on the bus and breathe the same air as that turd who said that about OUR President would have burned me... ooh, I would have been hot the entire trip about that! Could only imagine me and my girl listening to each other talk about how crappy a guy he is...

    ... will have to try a Labatts ... never have, but you have put it in my mind to go get a sixer and see what happens!

  7. I am loving the "Peace, Bitch!" sign you're throwing in the top pic!

    Sounds like you had a great day.


  8. Even worse, it was not the father that said that, but a work acquaintence. Shame on him.

  9. Dear Princess, I love the way you worked around to the Canadian connection! I also admire your restraint in not shredding the idiot on the bus ride. I am, as always, your loyal subject.

  10. Hope you're all rested up now. Sounds like you had a wonderful time!

  11. I wasn't quiet when my cousin's husband made the Hitler comparison. Too bad my son didn't hear him or it would have been major.

    Princess of Canada! Love it!


I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?