I don't know who originally said that, but I know it from my Dad as one of his favorite sayings.
As I go through the process of saying goodbye to Dad, I think of that phrase. That is the way Dad lived his life, not dwelling on the inevitable reaching of the destination, but on enjoying his long journey through this life. And it has been a long one...he would be 87 in June.
Dad isn't gone yet, but for all intents and purposes, he is no longer with us. On Thursday, he suffered a massive stroke while he and Mom were staying with my Aunt Marie here in Florida. They got him to the hospital very quickly, and a CAT scan showed that the stroke was caused by a clot. This made him a good candidate for that "clot buster" drug, so Mom gave the okay for that. A subsequent CAT scan showed extensive bleeding in his brain, and even surgery would not have meant a good outcome. The damage was just too severe.
My sisters and I and my niece flew down on Friday, and after speaking with the doctor as soon as we got to the hospital, we agreed with my Mom that we would go no further in his treatment. Since we all made the decision, Mom won't have to bear the brunt of that decision alone. I believe it was the right thing to do, and Dad and Mom had already talked about such a thing, and even he and I had talked about it. He didn't want to be left lingering in a vegetative state any more than any of us would.
We have said our goodbyes, and now we are simply waiting for him to take that bigger step of his journey. It's only a matter of time. I'm terribly sad, as you can imagine, but I'm also resigned...and I also know that he had a great life with many adventures along the way. I'm sure I'll write more about Dad before too long, but for now suffice it to say that he was well-loved, well-respected, and it has been my honor to be his youngest daughter.
I'm writing this because I'm a little too wired to go to sleep just yet, because it helps me to try to put it into words, and because I hope I can convey a little bit about what a damn fine guy was my Dad.
As I was driving home from work tonight, I was sad that I only had eight years of Dad in my life. I will miss him very much. I love you honey.
ReplyDeleteI know you did the right thing; if I were in your dad's situation, that's how I would want it. He lived a good, long life. I've been thinking of you today.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is with you and your family, Beth!! I know how close you are to him, and I DO know how much it all hurts. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm just so glad that you have family to lean on right now.
ReplyDeleteVery sorry to hear this. I remember that when my father passed away almost eight years ago that it was the knowledge of what a great person he was that got us all through it, and it seems like you are doing the same.
ReplyDeleteAs lucky as you are to have him for a father, he's been as lucky to have you for a daughter.
Thoughts and prayers with all of you.
Oh, hell I have tears in my eyes. I remember talking to you quite a bit about your dad. I'm with you and your family in spirit dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend Beth: My heart hurts for you. And I know what you are going through, beause my mother had a similiar stroke 10 years ago. I was alone, mummie nad I to make the same choices about treatment. You know you are in my prayers and if you wish to talk, I shall gladly send you my phone number.
ReplyDeleteLove Laini
Oh Honey -
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this, and I'll be thinking about you and your family.
Take care of yourself, my friend.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry Beth.
ReplyDeleteBeth, my heart goes out to you and Ken and your family. Losing a parent is so hard, especially so unexpectedly. But there is some peace in the knowledge that when he leaves he will have family and loved ones by his side, and what else can we ask for in life, and in death.
ReplyDeleteAll our thoughts with you and your family.
Bob and Carlos
my thoughts will stay with you....i am truly so very sorry....wish there was something i will do...prayers for you, your mom and all of your family, including Ken. This man has been loved and has loved and led a life of meaning..LOVE you.
ReplyDeleteBeth you hang in there! My thoughts of comfort and peace will be with you. I don't know what happens when we pass, but we won't suffer any longer. I'm sending some vibes of peace to you honey.
ReplyDeleteBeth,
ReplyDeleteWe were so sorry to hear about your Dad. I think the right decision was made too although I can't imagine how hard that had to be. Keeping you, and your family in our thoughts and prayers. I wish there was something we could do.
I didn't know exactly what the situation was when I posted good thoughts on Buckos blog, but I'm sorry to hear about your dad...keeping you guys in our thoughts <3
ReplyDeleteuncle junior was a one-of-a-kind man. you won't find many men in your life who are so down-to-earth, honest, good, and loving as he was. he led an amazing life and leaves behind many who love him dearly and will remember him and admire him. he will be missed. call me if you need to talk....i'm always here for you, beth.
ReplyDeleteshane
Beth I am so sorry. I am sending up prayers for you, him, and the rest of your family. May God be with everyone and bring peace to you. Helen
ReplyDeleteBeth, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad's stroke. Whenever you've posted about you Mom and Dad the love has always been easy to see. My heart hurts for you and your family. My husband's father had a severe stroke in June and just passed away last week. It was very hard to see him suffer and be so terribly frustrated in a body that wouldn't work. He couldn't even speak. It's not a way to live. There are worse things than death. The decision your family has made is the most loving thing you could do for him. I so hope you find comfort in knowing that you've done a loving thing for him. Our bodies may give out, but the love never dies. You'll carry your Dad with you forever. You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Melissa
There is just never enough time with them is there? But your dad sounds like he was a damn fine guy, with a grasp of how to live life, and from your posts that I have read over the last few years, I know that you and he had a really wonderful relationship and you have many happy and joyous memories to look back upon. He'll be in your heart always...
ReplyDeleteHugs and love to you and yours...
Such a sad time for your family, and one that most of us have faced or will have to face. You are so strong. I'm sure your family is taking comfort from your presence there. I like your dad, too. Peace. . .
ReplyDeleteBeth, please accept my heartfelt condolences.
ReplyDeleteI remember your kind words about the tribute I wrote about my Dad back in November. Your loving words of your Dad moved me greatly and remind me just how important a role some people play in our lives!
I am glad you have Ken and the rest of your family to get you through this time of sorrow.
Peace.
I want you to know that my thoughts are with you, Beth. Being able to find solace in knowing that your father enjoyed his journey has to be a comfort to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteYour family's decision is the right one, especially since your mom and dad had already discussed their wishes. I'm glad you have had the chance to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteBeth,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the update. I am sorry you are about to lose your father, and wish you and yours strength in coping with that event.
Guido
I'm glad you and family got to be there with him and each other. I was 33 when my father died (he was only 57), and I sometimes think of all the events, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren he missed, and I still miss him. My mother is almost 90, and I'm so glad to still have her. I know how hard this is. Be sure to go through the mourning process, or it will wait for you. His quote applies to that, too.
ReplyDeleteHugs!!
Beth, our thoughts are with you and your family at this time. You made a caring and difficult decision that was right for everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteBe well.
So sorry to hear this news. It sounds like your family is close and that your dad lived a happy, fulfilling life. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time. Peace to you, my friend.
ReplyDeleteDear Beth ope that you are still able to read one more commnet and that is just so you can please give a hug to Mum and your sister from me then give yourself a wee hug as well...Only wish I coudl be there with you to do it myself...
ReplyDeleteMy Dad died many years ago very suddenly whilst I was at work so I never had the chance to say my last goodbye,
I am glad that you are there with your Mum and sister and that you all had the courage to say he had had a good long life..
Much Love Sybil xxx
I'm very, very sorry to read about your father. I remember you speaking about him over the years here on your blog, and I know you love him very much. My prayers are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteYour Dad does, indeed, sound like a damn fine guy and I'm sure he's felt himself lucky in his youngest daughter. I lost my Dad to a similar sort of stroke a few years ago. I'll be thinking about you.
ReplyDeletebeth i am so sorry. when ken posted you had a family emergency i never even considered it could be this and i feel bad for leaving the standard hope-everything-is-ok-and-works-out kind of comment.
ReplyDeletei wish i could do something other than offer my condolences for you and your family. please know that by sharing your father with the world, you shared something not everyone has a chance to have and for that, made the world a better place for giving them the opportunity to know what a fine man your father was.
xxalainaxx
So sad to hear Beth. You and your family are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteHi Beth,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this and am praying for a miracle ... and for strength for you and your family.
Best,
Marty
Beth, I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeletekrissy knox
Oh Beth,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. I know what a fine man your Dad is, & know that I'm keeping you all in my thoughts & prayers.
Dear Beth
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about your Dad.
I will pray for you and your family and your darling Dad too.
God bless him.
Jeanie
So very, very sorry my dear. I will keep you, your daddy and your family close to my heart with love and Prayer. Love you Beth.
ReplyDeleteLisa
I'm so sorry this has happened. You are being remarkably strong and clear. Keep that up as long as you can, but know it's also okay to break down if need be.
ReplyDeleteBeth, I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. My thoughts are with you and Ken and your family. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteMy thought are with you during this difficult time. Take care of yourself and let the good memories sustain you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Beth. You and yours will be in my prayers. I know you will all be strong for each other and take comfort from one another. God bless.
ReplyDeleteBeth, I too lost a parent suddenly. It shook me to the core and changed my whole life. People who had never lost a parent would often say "I know how you feel" and it would anger me so so much. NO, you don't know how it feels I would think to myself. my thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteTug