Monday, December 20, 2010

A sad validation

Hammerhead Usually when I write about something and it is subsequently confirmed, I'm pretty happy about that. I have even been known to do a little victory dance, which consists of some knee wiggling, finger wagging, and phrases like "Oh yeah! Oh yeah!" and "What did I say?!" But I generally break that out only in fun circumstances, like winning a big game, or some sort of political victory. (Repeal of DADT! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! What did I say?!)

Although my previous entry about passing along your own bitterness to others has been confirmed in a big way, I feel no sense of elation or victory. I simply feel saddened and disgusted.

It's bad enough to encounter someone who is so angry and bitter about past events that they are simply unable to function on a reasonable level; someone so twisted and unwell that they cannot maintain normal and healthy relationships, whether in a personal or business situation. A person so vile that they leave people, even years later, ruing the day that they met them, feeling that they have been touched by a genuinely disturbed individual. When I encounter someone like that, I feel as though I've been slimed. Sometimes it even makes me shudder to think of such past associations. (In some cases, I find that I've even blocked such things from my memory. I’ve recently remembered a few things about my first marriage that I had apparently repressed for years. I guess that hearing that your spouse thinks you're possessed by a demon is a tad bit traumatic. Who knew?)

But yeah, encountering a person like that is bad enough. You know what is worse? When that person passes along their charming little neuroses and/or psychoses to others. To the point where others use some of the exact phrases. To the point where they wish the death of those that are hated. A slow, painful death.

Wow. What a legacy to leave behind. Rather than fostering good will and bringing joy to others, your actions bring hatred and discord. In your own abject failure and misery, you find happiness in sharing the misery with others, even those who should never be subjected to hearing such hatred. Instead of healthy relationships, you pass along the recipe for further failure, because you are incapable of setting a good example. Every friendship, every relationship, sometimes even casual encounters, ends up on the trash heap of your life. As Mick sings in "Shattered," "Pile it up...pile it up...pile it high on the platter." And instead of stopping the hatred with you, you pass it on. You can't help yourself.

You live your life by manipulating others and by intimidation. You get what you want by bullying and threatening, and when people don't behave in the way you expect them to, you viciously turn on them. You try this with everyone, and you always eventually fail. People always wise up and realize when they're being manipulated, and they despise you for it. Time after time after time. And you never seem to figure out that the problem isn't everyone's YOU. All of us experience failure in our lives, all of us have relationships and friendships that didn't stand the test of time. But most of us have some that have lasted, and most of us manage to maintain friendly relationships with coworkers, neighbors, and family members. We thrive on harmony rather than discord. When all of your relationships are predicated upon a common hatred, you've got a problem.

And when you pass that hatred along to others, you are contributing not only to further discord, but you are creating another neurotic individual full of fear and animosity. Just like you.

I may never have been a mom, but even I know that is fucked up.



  1. Hi Beth,
    I'm sorry to hear you've been exposed to someone like this, especially during the holiday season. Sometimes the bitterness just seems to multiply this time of year, making folks like this get even nastier to others which, in turn, makes others get nastier right back at them. What a vicious circle. Hang in there.

  2. It's a trend to hate indiscriminately -- a very American trend.

  3. Funny... I don't recall introducing you to my ex-wife when y'all were in the Motor...

    More seriously speaking, it is a shame when you have to expend any energy to deal with this kind of person. And exposure to their kind of thinking is like being exposed to a low level virus that needs time or better yet, a small parasite that as days pass, becomes a part of its host. Eventually they become so inextricably linked and intertwined that it becomes difficult to know where one ends and the other begins.

    I know that you will move past this... but you know, I don't know if the Christmas season would be the same if there was not either a really good or really crappy person to show up in it. Sometimes you get both, as Clark Griswold did during HIS Christmas Vacation. And even so, it still worked out quite well!!

  4. I've been having this argument on another site, unfortunately when dealing with a person who doesn't like themselves much and then projects it onto others your fighting a losing battle.

    Toxic people are just not worth the hassle they cause, they have a starring part in their own drama, and move the goal posts so often you cannot a ve reasoned discussion with them, their favourite tactic is to attack you personally but never challenge the points made, however they cherry pick words/sentences/phrases to bolster their own nonsense.

    As they say "Misery Loves Company"

    Take care


  5. I think Misery DOES love Yasmin says.

  6. I've never been a mom either, but I have watched in revolted amazement as some exes behave this way. I don't have to have been a mom to know that those who suffer the most in the situation are the children.

  7. Fortunately, we are on the downslope of this sad series of episodes. I can only hope that in the sequel, that the characters can see past the sheepish facade, recognize the wolf, and then seek the truth.


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