Undergoing Treatment at Home

We are undergoing treatment

But will the doctors ever cure

These delusions of grandeur?

~~ "Undergoing Treatment” by Duran Duran

NBC News recently posted an article about how people are refusing treatment at hospitals and even pulling family members out of ICUs so that they can treat them at home. With veterinary medicine used as an anti-parasitic drug in animals. 

While Ivermectin has been approved for use in humans as an anti-helminth (specifically roundworms), it is NOT approved for any other use in humans. But there is a big run on Ivermectin paste online, bad enough that veterinarians are running out of the treatment to give their patients.

There are websites that recommend how to eat Ivermectin paste so that it is more palatable. Spread it on crackers, make a sandwich out of it.

Do these people have any idea of how unhinged and how stupid they sound?

Anti-vax idiot Jenny McC (I refuse to type her full name here) once said that her degree for disputing the safety of vaccines was the “University of Google.” Well, let me say a few things about that, honey. 

Fuck your University of Google bullshit. First of all, there is no such thing. 

Second of all, some of us actually went to college to study this stuff. My degree was a Bachelor of Science in Medical Technology. I took three years of classes that were almost identical to pre-med courses, then spent twelve months in an internship in a hospital where we got lectures in the morning from technologists and pathologists and then spent the afternoons working in the lab. I had to pass a nationwide registry exam and I took the same oath that doctors and nurses take, to first do no harm. 

So let me say it again: fuck your University of Google “degree.” 

You don’t know shit about fuck (to quote the inimitable Ruthie from “Ozark”). You have no concept of basic scientific facts. You have no idea how to interpret a scientific paper. You cherrypick data that is dubious, and everything you find to supposedly back up your claims is easily debunked by anyone with even a rudimentary background in science. 

I am sick of your bullshit.

It’s bad enough that you are harming yourselves. What is unconscionable to me is that you are harming your own loved ones, you are harming young children, and you are harming elderly people like my Mom and immunocompromised people like my husband. And you know what? You are really harshing my fun times. I haven’t been to a concert for well over a year and I am pissed off about it. 

The Americans screaming about their freedoms? They’re the ones who are prolonging this pandemic because they are refusing to get vaccinated. Instead, they seem to think that bogus treatments and cures are the way to go. I don’t think I ever realized until this year just how goddamn stupid people can be. I had my suspicions but this is beyond stupid. 

This is dangerous and it can be deadly. 

I’m mad. 

An Act of Charity

I suppose it’s human nature to try to find the positive aspects in this past year of shutdown. And there are several, there really are. I appreciate every good thing that has happened and I’m happy that we haven’t lost any close family members. But it’s been rough in a lot of ways, no matter who we are or what we’re going through. It’s hardest on those who have lost loved ones, no doubt about that, and I still haven’t fully processed the losses in our country and around the world. 

One positive thing for me is that the University of Notre Dame and other local colleges have made so many lectures available online. Most of those lectures have always been open to the public, but how convenient is it to sit at home and have a beverage while you attend a lecture? Pretty darn convenient, if you ask me. 

So I’ve taken advantage of that (I get updates and notices via the ThinkND newsletter—anyone can join!) and there have been some interesting discussions. I really enjoyed one from the curator of the Snite Museum of Art, in which he talked about a painting in their collection by Grace Hartigan. A beautiful Abstract Expressionist piece and a much-needed infusion of art! 

The most thought-provoking lecture happened last week. It was called “The Covid Vaccine: Good Science and Science for the Human Good.” 

It wasn’t quite what I expected, although I should have. Notre Dame is a Catholic university, after all. My first clue was when the discussion opened with a prayer. Hooo boy. Was this for me? I stuck with it, and I’m glad I did. 

There were several presenters: one was a science professor who talked about the mechanisms of vaccine development, including which cell lines are used (hint: one is a cell line that’s been in existence for decades, and it’s from human fetal tissue); one was an ethics and philosophy professor who talked about whether it was ethical and in line with Catholic teachings to use something that uses cells from aborted fetuses, whether induced or spontaneous; one was a young seminarian who continued the theme of whether the Catholic church could condone this. 

Well. As I’m sure you all know, I am firmly pro-choice. There are many nuances there but that’s not what this entry is about. While I don’t believe anything could make me change my mind on that, it made me think about how and why some people would object to scientific research using fetal tissue or cell lines. I don’t agree with that, but I saw it from their perspective in a way I hadn’t thought about before. (I still think that is short-sighted, but I get it a little better now.)

After much discussion, all three presenters concluded that not only was it ethical to get the vaccine, it was a “moral imperative.” There was much convoluted, philosophical discussion of how far you were removed from the “evil” of abortion (their word, not mine), whether saving thousands of lives negated the “original evil” of the abortion that resulted in the cell line, the fact that for the Pfizer vaccine, that particular cell line is not used in production, merely quality control. (The Johnson & Johnson vaccine does use a fetal tissue cell line in production, but it is a long-established cell line, not that from a recent abortion.) 

One of the presenters used the phrase in the title of this entry: getting the vaccine is an act of charity to humanity. Getting it is for the greater good of society. 

It seemed like a really long way to get to what I already knew. But it made me think about it from a different perspective and I found that it really made me think and put myself in their shoes. They were quite uncomfortable shoes for me, but hey, it’s always good to think about things from another viewpoint. You might not feel the same way, but at least you can say, “Okay...I get where you’re coming from.” 

The seminarian also discussed the rise of conspiracy theories, about the vaccine and in general. He said something that I found very interesting. That sometimes the best thing to do is to let people do their own research. He called it “reading yourself out of the rabbit hole.” His point was that when we try to argue with people who believe those things, they just dig in deeper (that’s been my experience, too). That doesn’t solve the problem because most people who believe that nonsense aren’t going to seek out alternative views. But maybe some will. 

The latter is part of the reason I have come to the decision to not engage with those who are refusing to get the vaccine for whatever reason they’ve landed upon. I could probably easily refute all of those reasons, but will they listen? Nope. My hope is that they will start seeing family and friends, loved ones, political figures, celebrities, sports figures, whoever, getting them and they’ll start to think, “Okay...none of these people are dropping dead, so maybe I should get it, too.” 

A gal can hope, right? 

Get your shot, peoples! The life you save might be one other than your own!

Testing, testing...sibilance

It's like sand in one hand you can't hold for long
Like scheming on a plan that goes all wrong
It's like fudge and caramel they're not the same
And it's a shame all you talk is game

~~ "Just A Test" - by Beastie Boys

A couple, both nurses, fighting together to help others

Apparently, the Coronavirus Task Force has come up with a plan at the so-called "president's" behest called the Opening Up America Again plan. I would propose we call it the Opening Up America's Legs Again plan. Just relax and enjoy it, okay? 

I shouldn't be too sarcastic, but hey, it's what I do. It's actually a fairly good plan, from what I can tell, that is based on decent medical input from the healthcare experts on the panel. (With all due respect—and I mean that quite literally—Mr. "President," fuck your gut feelings.)

A friend asked me the other day if it was reasonable to reopen the economy as soon as the idiot wants it. I responded, "Absolutely not. Not yet." The plan hinges upon widespread testing, both diagnostic and serological, to see if people have an active infection or have had it and have antibodies to it. This is necessary. Neither test is widespread at the moment. The idiot loves to say that we've done more tests than any country in the world, but the truth is that we have tested about 1% of our population. That's ONE percent. People with mild symptoms still cannot get tested.

We are not at the capacity for testing that we need. We are short of test kits, reagents, instruments, and personnel to do the tests. We are short of Personal Protective Equipment that protects all healthcare workers. We are even short of the swabs and transport media with which the specimen is taken. 

Of course, we all know that we need to get people back to work. This is devastating for millions of people, in our own country and around the world. But at what price when it comes to mortality? We've got people like Indiana representative (not mine, thank science) Trey Hollingsworth and notorious quack Dr. Oz talking about acceptable levels of mortality...that it's okay to get people back to work and kids back to school if the death rate from the premature opening stays at a certain low percentage. 

How utterly vile. (Hey, Dr. Oz...you might want to revisit the Hippocratic Oath you took. Fucker.)

One of the best journalists I've seen lately writing on the pandemic is the science writer for The Atlantic, Ed Yong. Be sure to read his article "Our Pandemic Summer," in which he writes about the steps that need to be taken in order to get us up and running again. Short answer: things are going to be weird for some time. We're talking months, if not years. Widespread testing is the first step and we simply don't have that yet. We just don't. Large crowds will be verboten for some time, at least until we get a vaccine. We need to understand this reality because it is ours and reality is non-negotiable. 

Then we've got idiots in Michigan—just a few miles away from us, and with one of the highest case rates in the country—bitching about travel restrictions and gathering to protest their Governor's draconian edicts. Gathering with their guns and no masks and I seriously hope they all infect each other. 

We are nowhere near the point we need to be with testing. Get ready for a weird summer and more cases in the fall. 

Reality.

Why I watch

Now, you chicks do agree
That this ain't the way love's supposed to be
Let me hear, let me hear you say yeah, yeah
Can I get a witness?

~~ "Can I Get A Witness" by Holland, Dozier, and Holland

I've been watching the daily press briefings when possible and to be honest, that is most days now. It's rare for me to miss one. 

I've had numerous friends ask me how I can subject myself to it. How I can "torment" myself. How I can handle it. 

I've had more friends tell me that they count on me to provide commentary because they just can't stand to watch it. I am happy to take on that mantle because of my answer to the first question: I am bearing witness. 

Yeah, It raises my blood pressure and yeah, it makes me crazy for a while...but we are experiencing this right here, right now, and I want to be able to say that I witnessed virtually every moment of this so-called "president" and his utter failure to handle this crisis.

I want to say that I heard him say, "I bear no responsibility." 

I want to say that I listened as he blamed everyone from Barack Obama to the World Health Organization to the individual states. 

I want to say that I watched as he chastised journalists for not praising him for a job well done. 

This has never been more true than today, as I watched him completely melt down as he was grilled by reporters about his response and lashed out at them for daring to question him. As I write this, it happened five or so hours ago and I am still gobsmacked by his unhinged performance. This person is not well. I know it's been said before, but if one of our relatives behaved in this manner, we'd be having a family conference to discuss what is going on and what our options might be. 

And we're talking about the leader of the free world. 

This is not normal. This isn't within spitting distance of normal. This is a full-on batshit DEFCON-1 level of NOT NORMAL. 

As upsetting as it can be, I'm going to watch every fucking minute of it. I'm not melting down. I'm not losing my shit. (That would be him, not me.) I am not subjecting myself nor am I tormenting myself. 

I am watching. 

May you live in interesting times

And school's out early and soon we'll be learning
And the lesson today is how to die

~~ "I Don't Like Mondays" by The Boomtown Rats

So '80s, so wonderful!

Man, that's dark, isn't it? 

It's hard to find a lot of cheer in the world right now. Ken and I still find the humor in things and still have plenty of laughs, but fuck, things are grim right now. Even the biggest sense of humor in the world—and we both have very healthy ones—is taxed at times. 

I find myself very emotional lately. (Ken will be like, "What's new?" when he reads this.) Yes, I am usually that way but I find myself losing it to things like songs (like the one I'm posting here) but more so to watching videos from hospitals in Italy and around the world as they try to handle this outbreak. 

[Intermission]

I started writing this last night and found that I just didn't have the stomach to finish it. I felt very disheartened. I felt better today and I'm not in despair or anything. But shit, this is messed up, man. It is dismaying to hear reports of the lack of equipment both on the news and from friends and family. 

And I can't even talk about the so-called "president's" response to it all. He's either preening about his beautiful, amazing response to this or whining about how certain Governors aren't kissing his ass enough. I'm just done with that for the night. He is unfit. That is all I'll say about it for the moment. 

I've been thinking about it and about how I feel so emotional at certain times. I'm not kidding, I'll listen to a song and end up with tears running down my face. I'm always kind of bad that way, but I'm a little off the rails right now. I've decided to be okay with that and just accept it. We're all plenty scared right now and worried about people. It's a natural reaction. It's okay to feel deep emotions. In the face of dire situations, I can shut it all down and let my rational brain take over. I can be quite stoic and not lose my shit when all around me are losing theirs. While we're staying at home and watching this all unfold, I give myself full permission to get as weepy as I want. It's not constant...it's just certain things hitting me at certain points. (I'm looking at you, "Star Trek: Picard"!)

I've had friends message me asking how we're doing and we try to encourage each other. Do this, as often as possible. Reach out to people and if you need a little encouragement, don't hesitate to reach out to others. We're all dealing with this and we're all weirded out and wondering what's going to happen. Sometimes hearing a simple word of love and friendship can do a lot to make us feel better. Dick jokes are always funny, too! The world could use more dick jokes right now. 

Stay engaged, stay connected, and yeah, there's probably a dick joke in there somewhere. Grab it! 

Life, I mean. 

We'll be okay (I think)

The world's goin' crazy and
Nobody gives a damn anymore
And they're breakin' off relationships and
Leavin' on sailin' ships for far and distant shores
For them it's all over
But I'm gonna stay
I wouldn't leave anyway
I know that someday we'll find a way
We'll be okay
'Cause I'm your brother,
Though I don't even know your name
I've discovered that,
Deep down inside, you feel the same

~~ "Brother" by The Kinks

It's oddly elegant, isn't it? 

Back to Coronavirus today because that's about all the news that matters right now, isn't it? 

It is affecting every aspect of our lives. People are being laid off. Retirement accounts are essentially wiped out. We are probably already in a recession, and it's going to get worse in the immediate future. Cases and deaths are soaring around the world (at least it seems to be slowing down in China) and we have an emergency travel advisory in my county, meaning that only essential travel is warranted. Indiana schools are closed until May 2, and I wouldn't be surprised if the rest of the school year is canceled. 

Ray Davies' "we'll be okay" lyric seems a little overly optimistic right now. 

So I'm going to step back for a moment and get clinical on you all. It helps me to be rational and all science-y and junk and maybe it will help you, too. 

My friend Julie on Facebook posted about Indiv-1 calling this novel Coronavirus the "Chinese virus." She felt that this is a blatantly xenophobic "dog whistle" on his part, and I completely agree. I went into science mode, though. I commented that naming bacteria and viruses and other organisms are frequently based on where they were first found. Virtually all subspecies of Salmonella are named after the location where they were isolated. The Ebola virus is named after the Ebola River. There is Lassa fever, named after a city in Nigeria. There is Pontiac fever, something caused by the Legionella bacterium, named after a city in Michigan, and Legionella itself is named after the Legionnaires because that outbreak took place at one of their conventions. So I said that there is a longtime tradition of naming things after where they originated. It's not because microbiologists are racist, it's just a way we name and differentiate organisms, subspecies, and even diseases.

Hear me out. I wasn't done. I said that the 'big but' here is that Indiv-1 is obviously using this as a dog whistle to create racism and xenophobia. There are already incidents of racism against Asian Americans and Asian immigrants. He is trying to place the blame on someone, anyone, other than his own failed response. He needs a scapegoat, and he has decided that calling it the "Chinese virus" does the trick. The virus has a name: SARS-CoV2 and the disease it causes is called COVID-19. These are the scientific names, and calling it anything else is blatant prejudice and discrimination and designed to gin up hatred against others. Because that's what he and his rabid base feed upon. Like some kind of weird, racist vampires. 

After I posted that, I realized that I was being that pedantic bore who feels the need to comment at length. I shut up pretty quickly, but I felt the need to message Julie and apologize. She said essentially that that wasn't needed, and I appreciated that. I have friends who seek out my thoughts on various things, including scientific papers about it, and I am happy to respond to that kind of question if I can. It's what I did for most of my career and I know that people are wanting answers. I can come at it from a scientific bent and I will do my best to answer their questions. I'll write about it here when I want but I need to dial it down a notch when it comes to commenting on others' pages. I don't want to be "that person," you know? Ugh. I don't like that person! Don't be that, Beth! 

Back to the music. I thought of this song today when I thought, "The world's going crazy." I think it is a very nice song with a nice message. Viruses and bacteria and other beasties don't give a fuck about where you're from or what political party you belong to. They're here to fuck your shit up and they do what they can to do so. (There's a whole other topic about beneficial bacteria and about how crowded conditions and poverty result in increased outbreaks, as well as how certain populations develop defenses against infections ubiquitous in their communities, but that's a story for another day. One of the most fascinating to me is that Africans developed sickle cell anemia to fight off malaria...that parasite doesn't infect sickle cells. But again...a story for another day.)

The point is that this is a pandemic. It's bad. It's nationwide. It's global. They don't care about your goddamn SPRING BREAK, and I'm looking at you, KAYLEIGH. (I don't know a Kayleigh...just a generic name for some chick on spring break right now.) This is a worldwide problem and we are truly all in this together. The actions we take now can save lives. 

We're all brothers and sisters in this. 

Strange Days

Strange days have found us
Strange days have tracked us down
They're going to destroy
Our casual joys
We shall go on playing

~~ "Strange Days" by The Doors

For starters, I'd like to thank whoever it was who walloped the "president" over the head with a sledgehammer and finally got him to realize that this is a serious problem and we most certainly do not have it under control. It's about damn time! 

But for the entire time that he was denying that this was a public health emergency and his propaganda machine ClusterFox was telling people that it was a media hoax, his rabid followers were out there potentially carrying the virus and infecting others. As Austin Powers so eloquently put it, "That train had sailed." 

So that precious little RNA bundle known as the novel Coronavirus has been percolating and circulating and for all we know, tailgating, for a good seven weeks. And it took this idiot until two days ago to publicly say that it was an emergency. Baby jeebus wept. 

He finally told the truth about that, but since he's a compulsive liar, he can't stop himself from continuing to spread lies. He said that he didn't know that the pandemic team initiated under President Obama had been dismantled. "I don't know anything about that," he said. Of course, there is video of him saying that he made the decision because he sees no point in paying these people for "nothing," and if he needed them again, he'd just hire more people. 

Well, it doesn't really work that way, idiot. Surveillance teams must stay active and be funded in order to track emerging diseases. This stuff takes constant vigilance and research and you can't just set it all in motion by hiring people and trying to play catch-up. 

He is also now saying that he knew all along that it was a pandemic, even before the WHO officially declared it a pandemic. I doubt that he even comprehends the meaning of 'pandemic,' but this also a bald-faced lie, because guess what? There is plenty of video of him saying that this was all going to pass, no big deal, we'd soon be down to zero cases. ZERO. 

As of March 17, 2020, at 4 PM, the CDC lists the number of cases in the United States to be 4,226.

That's a lot more than zero. 

Even when he starts taking things seriously and starts taking steps to mitigate this crisis, he just can't stop himself from lying. Even when there's video. Baby jeebus is still weeping. 

States are finally trying to take matters into their own hands and taking steps to close things down in order to slow the transmission. I hope that will be enough but it remains to be seen. I have a sneaking suspicion that this virus is already fairly ubiquitous in the US after seven weeks of unchecked transmission. When widespread testing ramps up, we are going to see a massive, shocking, and downright scary increase in cases. Brace yourselves for that because it will make you think that it has exploded out of control. To be honest, that may have already happened. The better picture will come as we start to see the increase in new cases slow down.

I'm just trying to breathe, keep my sense of humor, and find joy where I can. Like every other person who can manage it, we will be hunkering down at Nutwood and doing our best to be like REO Speedwagon and ride the storm out. I'm sending solidarity to all my fellow healthcare workers who are going to be in it for the duration.

I've been seeing the word 'surreal' a lot lately. I honestly cannot think of a better word for it. In my 25 years in healthcare, I have never seen anything like this.

What a lovely way to burn

Everybody's got the fever
That is something we all know
Fever isn't such a new thing
Fever started long ago

~~ "Fever" by The Cramps (written by Eddie Cooley and Otis Blackwell)

I'm all lost in the supermarket, I can no longer shop happily

Madness is upon us. 

Friends from around the country are posting photos of empty shelves at grocery stores. Shelves emptied of bread, milk, and eggs, because it seems that in dire times, everyone makes French toast. 

Not a bad way to go, although personally, I'd rather be drinking wine and eating dark chocolate when the curtain falls upon me. 

I went out today to pick up a prescription (and to be honest, I did a double beer run because preparation!) and found that our local stores were well-stocked with everything except hand sanitizer. There was plenty of everything. So it surprised me to see friends posting photos of shelves cleared of so many things. It seems that people are really panicking about this viral threat and preparing for weeks of being isolated and cut off from the rest of the world. 

I'm not panicking. I take the threat seriously because I have a husband who is immunocompromised. I don't want him to get it and I don't want to be out and about and bring it home to him, you know? But I know that common sense precautions can make a difference, and that is what we are trying to do. 

I'm not a "prepper" who stockpiles water and hooks a bicycle up to batteries to somehow keep the lights on. However, we live in a rural area, and although stores are a short drive away, they are not within walking distance. I'm also the child of parents who grew up during the Depression, so I have always been a stocker-upper. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that we could live for six months off of what I have in the pantry and in our freezers, not to mention the wine cellar. I even have lots of food for Sheeba the Cat! 

I've noticed lately that my sense of humor has gotten really dark...almost fatalistic. I am absolutely not in the "we're all gonna die" camp. I honestly think we'll weather this, although it could get very serious for a lot of people. I guess it's just my way of coping. Sometimes you really just have to laugh. It might verge on hysterical laughter, but kee-rist, sometimes you just need an outlet! 

So do whatever you need to do to find joy. Reach out to people. I ran into our friend Tom at the store today, and later, I realized that I did exactly what I shouldn't be doing...I gave him a big hug, not once, but twice. That is going to be hard for me because I am at heart an affectionate person with my friends. But it brought me so much joy to see him and talk with him and laugh with him. Hang onto that joy and that connection, but work hard to keep a bit of distance, at least physically. I learned today how hard that will be for me. Human interaction is so important. 

However, we can still maintain it by being kind to one another. I know that fear can breed anger and hatred but please don't let that happen to you or others. We really are in this together, and our actions will have a bearing on how we get through this. 

I truly believe that we will be okay, although it's going to be a rough road. Help make it smoother by being kind to others, being considerate, being careful. 

We'll get by with a little help from our friends. Believe it. 

Panic! at the Disco

'Cause now I sense your mission is my coming demolition
And you just hold me under
I know I'm going under

~~ "Girl Panic" by Duran Duran

Sexy Plague Doctor costume because why not?

Oh, lordy. 

Let's all take a deep breath, shall we? 

The news about Coronavirus is coming fast and furious (speaking of, the release of the latest movie in that franchise has been delayed for a year) and I don't know about anyone else, but my head is spinning. 

This is bonkers. 

This is bananapants. 

This is one of the craziest things I've ever seen in the medical field, and I've seen some shit, believe me. This surpasses the anthrax scare of Aught One. 

I've had a few people message me asking about it and wanting some information. I am not an expert on this particular virus, nor am I an epidemiologist, but I'm doing my best to stay current on information and to try to assess how serious this is. 

The best I can tell you is that yes, this needs to be taken seriously. Especially for the elderly and the immunocompromised and those of us who have loved ones who fall into either or both categories (and that includes most of us). The majority of people will weather this just fine, but for those who have underlying conditions, the threat is very real. 

I welcome the shutdown of numerous activities. The scope of it is shocking: everything from the March Madness tourney to freakin' Disneyland, man. The stock market is tanking. People are reeling and that includes me. 

These shutdowns are the right move. As I have been PREACHING FOR YEARS ALL CAPS, we are woefully unprepared for a pandemic, and yes, I'm going to say "told you so." Under the Obama administration, we handled the Ebola outbreak correctly; unfortunately, the current administration has undermined our ability to respond in a robust and fast manner, and that is tragic. I believe it will cost lives, both here and around the world. 

As for that travel ban from Europe, how absurd. The virus is already here and is in the community-acquired phase. Limiting travel is not going to solve the problem. Viruses are like honey badgers...they don't give a shit. 

That might sound overly political. That's okay with me. Because this administration has completely bungled the handling of this. Denial, obfuscation, distraction, you name it. The lack of testing is inexplicable and inexcusable. Thank science for people like Dr. Fauci, who holds no allegiance other than to good science. 

The shutdown of so many things will wreak havoc on the economy, but it is the right thing to do. The whole purpose is to slow the spread of this and try to not overwhelm our healthcare system. If the cases can be spread out over time rather than a huge spike in hospitalizations, we will be better able to absorb it. It is already a huge stress on our system but we have to try to mitigate it. 

I am not panicking about this but I'd be lying if I said that I am not feeling an increased level of anxiety about it. I wish I had greater confidence in our government's response, but I just don't right now. The lack of testing is the fly in the ointment. If people can't get tested, we can't isolate and contain properly. In fact, that window has passed. The virus is already out there. 

The best we can do right now is limit contact, especially large gatherings. It is vital that we try to stop the rapid spread of this, and these cancellations are a logical step. 

Stay safe, everyone.