Keep on rolling!
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Fear and Loathing
Keep on rolling!
Monday, August 24, 2015
Angry and Afraid
Angry and afraid is no way to go through life.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Letters…I get letters
It seems that someone has been quite naughty and telling tales out of school!
Let’s see. How to word this? I got a rather bizarre email from someone saying that they had found my email address through my blog, and they felt they had to write to me and tell me what was going on. It seems this person had stumbled upon a blog that he found interesting due to some common issues, and he began an email correspondence with the blog author. It didn’t take long for him to get an earful about me and Ken.
I didn’t respond much to this person. Mostly just “thanks for the information.” I’m not sure what kind of soap opera was happening there, but I can tell you that I do not dig soap operas, and I don’t like having them dumped in my lap. I also found the tone more than a little odd, with talk of “atonement,” and some stuff about telling me because he was so ashamed that he had sinned by participating in malicious gossip. Whew. Okay, whatever. I did say that since he found my email through this blog, it’s obvious that I...you know...write a blog...and I would be writing about this. He said he understood and that was part of his “penance” (!!!), but please don’t use his real name due to some ongoing legal issues. Fair enough, so I shall call him...Stuart.
Apparently, this blog author told Stuart all kinds of nasty things about me and Ken, and said that I am constantly writing bad things about them and their family. If writing about music, movies, books, and politics is writing bad things, then I guess I’m guilty as charged! Unfortunately for the blog author’s case, they sent Stuart here to my blog, as well as to my Twitter account, and he found my YouTube account on his own. He wrote that he saw a very different picture than what was portrayed to him...that it seemed that I was the one being harassed. He was told that I was following this blog author on Twitter, but I am not; they are following me. I guess ol’ Stuart got a bit of an epiphany after checking things out for himself.
He decided to send me all the emails that this blog author wrote to him. He said he saved them all, something about God telling him to save them. Okayyyy. There were some quite interesting things said, things that don’t exactly jibe with reality.
- When Ken left, he said that he “didn’t want to be a father.”
- He took every dime and left without providing any way to pay for housing or food. I guess that $3200 each month just wasn’t enough, and after the blog author remarrying two months later, $1600 a month wasn’t enough either.
- When Ken left, the blog author “didn’t see another dime (for 7 years) until I took him to court for a child support increase.” See above. $1600 per month. That’s lots of dimes.
- Ken refused to pay for band fees, new eyeglasses, clothing, his half of one kid’s braces...all complete lies.
- Ken left them without health insurance. Health insurance was provided through the time specified.
- After letting one kid use a chainsaw while here (didn’t happen...EVER), Ken told the other kid to go inside and do “women’s work” with me. This is completely laughable. Like I would ever be on board with calling certain chores “women’s work,” or have a partner who felt that way!
- It was admitted that Ken’s phone calls were never answered...on purpose. Calls were screened, and if it was our number, the phone wasn’t answered.
- When asked for advice about talking to a child about visitation, the blog author wrote, “If he sees and hears from you that you really don’t want him to go, then he’ll reflect that back.” So this person admits to manipulation of the kids.
- Apparently, I was a problem from the day that Ken married me...I objected to money being taken out of my “play fund.” Also a complete lie. According to this person, I am “evil and wicked,” and I convinced Ken to leave his faith, switch political parties, and estranged him from his children.
- The blog author wrote that they were living an “existence of revenge.”
- It was admitted that the blog author feels hatred for me. Also that they are jealous of us. The blog author feels that I am “always aiming my words” at them. Paranoid much? Egotistical much?
Honestly, I’m surprised that tongue doesn’t just leap out of that mouth and run screaming down the hallway, because this is complete and utter BULLSHIT. And that blog author knows it. I thought the Republican party was the master of revising history, but there’s a new delusional sheriff in town!
This person gave out our full names, our general location, and steered Stuart to my social network sites. Granted, since I have a social network presence, my name and location are out there. But I really don’t appreciate a total stranger being directed to my information. I have to wonder at someone who is so desperate and needy that they feel the need to strike up a personal correspondence with a stranger, but it seems that their appetite for the chance to talk some shit about me and Ken trumped their judgment. It’s a terrible thing to have zero impulse control. If I’ve learned anything from blogging for going on seven years, it’s that you don’t engage with complete strangers, not on a personal level. I don’t have a huge following on here, but I have enough visitors to exercise caution when dealing with commenters that I don’t know. I hope that at least that blog author didn’t give out any personal information, like the kids’ names and ages, or their cell phone number. Oh...wait....
I guess someone forgot how to Internet. Oops!
Prince questions your judgment.
There was also a lot of weird stuff.
- The blog author still cries, “to this day,” over the loss of Ken.
- A special “code phrase” so that Stuart would know when the blog entry was about him. Ooo, spy shit! The Fat Man sleeps at midnight!
- A paragraph about a husband and wife at church, exchanging glances, shushing the kids as they color on the church programs, and coming home to a perfectly roasted leg of lamb, sitting in front of the fire with a brandy...go ahead and look at the Prince thing again. It is applicable for this.
- One thing they wrote that I can agree with: “Pretty comes from within.” Very true words.
- Stuart’s emails made the blog author feel like “a young girl on a summer’s day, twirling in a party dress.” Yep, back up to the Prince GIF again. Twirling! In a party dress! Seriously?
You got busted. You got busted BIG TIME. We now know that our fears of you manipulating the kids are founded, and that your bitterness, hatred, and jealousy led you to alienate the kids from their father, or as you like to call him, the “Sperm Donor.” Charming. So there you have it. Good luck with your life. As a good friend of ours once said about you, “She’s bitter and boring. And I don’t do bitter and boring.”
Oh, and one more thing, she said in her best Lieutenant Columbo voice.
115 pounds?
One hundred and fifteen pounds?
What do you say, Dr. Evil?
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Still paranoid
I'm reading last week's issue of Time, the one with Glenn Beck on the cover. I swear, I have to turn the magazine face down, because I can't stand having that mug looking up at me. The article itself wasn't all that substantive (but then, neither is Beck), but what I loved was the editor's opening letter to readers. He referenced a paper written by Richard Hofstadter, who was a historian and history professor at Columbia. The paper, The Paranoid Style in American Politics, was published in 1964, but it is incredibly relevant to today's situation and to our larger history.
I won't tell you that you have to read the full article, because I'm all about you reading what you want to read, but I can tell you that I found it completely fascinating.
Hofstadter's essay is about the prevalence and persistence of conspiracy theories in American politics. They have existed since we, as a country, have existed, going back to the late 1700's, with various campaigns against the Illuminati, the Freemasons, Communism, the UN, even Catholicism. They persist today in vague theories of the threat of the Bilderberg Group, as well as with the Birthers, and most recently, the Deathers. Hofstadter attributes this to a pervasive paranoia among a small segment of society. In reading the article, I've distilled it to several pertinent points and characteristics of this sort of belief system.
Dispossession
Those who are quick to believe that there is some sort of secret society intent on destroying our country feel that their "way of life" is in danger from outside forces. There is a resistance to change, including changes in social mores and societal attitudes; in order to combat this nebulous threat, they find a conspiracy or group of "others" on which to place the blame for what they see as our moral decay.
Infiltration
The government, the "international banks," the media...all are run or influenced by the above subversive agents. It is incredibly difficult for the paranoid to fight such all-encompassing conspiracy, and there is a feeling of futility in getting others to believe him/her.
There is a sense of absolute good vs. absolute evil. There can be no compromise through normal channels of political discourse, so the enemy must be totally eradicated, either physically or politically.
As a member of the avant-garde who is capable of perceiving the conspiracy before it is fully obvious to an as yet unaroused public, the paranoid is a militant leader. He does not see social conflict as something to be mediated and compromised, in the manner of the working politician. Since what is at stake is always a conflict between absolute good and absolute evil, what is necessary is not compromise but the will to fight things out to a finish. Since the enemy is thought of as being totally evil and totally unappeasable, he must be totally eliminated—if not from the world, at least from the theatre of operations to which the paranoid directs his attention. This demand for total triumph leads to the formulation of hopelessly unrealistic goals, and since these goals are not even remotely attainable, failure constantly heightens the paranoid’s sense of frustration. Even partial success leaves him with the same feeling of powerlessness with which he began, and this in turn only strengthens his awareness of the vast and terrifying quality of the enemy he opposes.
The embrace of "renegades"
Those who escape the clutches and tell the secrets of these "hidden societies" are automatically believed. Whether a former Freemason telling tales of discipline or a former nun speaking of widespread sexual abuse at the hands of priests as if it is all an expected aspect of ritual, anyone who reinforces the paranoid's beliefs which are already in place is welcomed and believed. This also serves to show the paranoid that the secret organizations are not omnipotent; they can be overcome, and redemption is possible for those who have been subjected to the group’s evil ways.
These paranoids will compile lengthy lists of facts that support their theories. This is not necessarily to convince those who disagree—after all, the paranoid is visionary and can see things that others cannot—but to bolster and protect their own beliefs.
Resistance to enlightenment
Because of their extreme views, these people are often left behind and ignored when it is time to make decisions. They create a self-fulfilling prophecy, in effect. With their strongly-held beliefs and unwillingness to listen to opposing views, as well as their denial of irrefutable facts, they place themselves on the periphery of the discussion...and then point to their ostracism as evidence of the wide reach of the group which they oppose.
Perhaps the central situation conducive to the diffusion of the paranoid tendency is a confrontation of opposed interests which are (or are felt to be) totally irreconcilable, and thus by nature not susceptible to the normal political processes of bargain and compromise. The situation becomes worse when the representatives of a particular social interest—perhaps because of the very unrealistic and unrealizable nature of its demands—are shut out of the political process. Having no access to political bargaining or the making of decisions, they find their original conception that the world of power is sinister and malicious fully confirmed. They see only the consequences of power—and this through distorting lenses—and have no chance to observe its actual machinery. A distinguished historian has said that one of the most valuable things about history is that it teaches us how things do not happen. It is precisely this kind of awareness that the paranoid fails to develop. He has a special resistance of his own, of course, to developing such awareness, but circumstances often deprive him of exposure to events that might enlighten him—and in any case he resists enlightenment.
Hofstadter asserts that such paranoid behavior is not unique to any party, or even to this country. At the time of his article was published, the Communist threat was still very much a part of our lives and our policies as a nation, so it primarily addresses right wing conspiracy theorists. Of course, we've seen it happen on the left as well, with those "Truthers" who believe that 9/11 was a Bush-driven plot to get us into war. I'm sure this happens in other countries, too, but our nation is somewhat unique in its rugged sense of individuality along with its ethnic and religious conflicts. I see this as much riper soil for the rampant growth of conspiracy theories. Hofstadter concludes:
We are all sufferers from history, but the paranoid is a double sufferer, since he is afflicted not only by the real world, with the rest of us, but by his fantasies as well.
I found myself oddly—and you would think paradoxically—comforted by Hofstadter’s essay. I've been very uneasy and quite disturbed by the current tone of the political debate. I find it hateful and counterproductive. This piece showed me that we are experiencing nothing new. This sort of behavior has been a part of American politics since our country has been in existence. I don't agree with it, and I don't understand it, but at least I've recognized it. Despite the turmoil and despite the hatred of a small, vocal few, I believe that we will weather this storm, and I hope we'll come out stronger. We are strengthened by discussion, but diminished by blind opposition and senseless arguments.
This article was published 45 years ago, but speaks truth to power today. I have to wonder...at what point does healthy skepticism turn to complete distrust? There is a big difference between disagreeing with policies and believing in a secret plot to take over the country...if not the world. Let's stay rooted in reality, and address the problems at hand, rather than trying to banish non-existent bogeymen or quixotically tilt at windmills.
Friday, September 25, 2009
A little paranoid, are we?
One of the hazards of blogging, one that any of us who have been at this for a while have experienced, is the strange phenomenon in which someone thinks you are writing specifically about them. It hasn't happened to me often, but I've gotten an occasional email from someone wondering if I was writing about them. They've always been friendly in tone, more apologetic than anything, wondering if something they had written in a comment had offended me. I'm always flummoxed when I get such responses, and I usually email them back with an emphatic "No, not at all!"
It's always a good lesson, though, to be reminded that sometimes things can be misconstrued to an extreme degree. I was exchanging emails with someone about this recently, a long-time blogger, and she wrote that it's been her experience that there is often an underlying feeling of guilt in such a situation; something we've written has struck a nerve in someone, and they believe that you were targeting them specifically. I doubt if that's true in all cases, but probably in some. Writing is the poorest form of communication (although I find it the most entertaining) because it takes away body language, tone of voice, and subtle innuendo. It's not always easy to express yourself in writing, and it can be a challenge to retain clarity while still getting your point across.
For the most part, I write about things in general terms, trying to look at the human condition rather than targeting a specific person. I'll write about people in the news, but I'm always specific when it comes to that. If I want to address someone in particular, I will usually send them an email or, rarely, leave an additional comment here. You won't see me dishing dirt about fellow bloggers here, mainly because I really don't operate that way. Everyone seems pretty cool and even-keeled here, at least as far as I can tell. After all, this isn't high school.
Of course, I suppose there might be a few flying under the radar that are raging paranoiacs or obsessives and believe that everything I write is somehow a special message just to them. All I can say to them is that it's not all about you. I've been pretty lucky in not attracting an inordinate amount of such people, knock on wood. (I hope I didn't just jinx myself.) I will break with protocol and send a special message to any of those types of people who happen to be reading: I hate to break it to you, but my life does not revolve around you, and chances are good that I am not writing about you. If you choose to continue to believe that I am doing so, your paranoia and obsession may be getting the better of you. (I’m also not the sole resident of South Bend. There are over 100,000 of us. Private joke.)
I do believe that the vast majority of instances in which someone thought I was writing about them were innocent misunderstandings. Perhaps I inadvertently and randomly hit upon something pertinent to their situation. (Sort of like Michael Scott spreading false rumors in "The Office," and accidentally hitting upon the true one, that Pam and Jim are having a baby. I love that show!) Such misunderstandings are easily rectified by sending me an email, and I will respond and reassure you that I did not have you in mind when I wrote whatever I wrote. For those who consistently believe that I am addressing them or their situation in particular, well...that seems a little egotistical to me. It's a safe bet that you do not hold such an important place in my life, and I'd also be willing to wager that it is wishful thinking on your part. Almost everyone I encounter here is reasonable and super-cool, and I consider most to be friends…but it's that occasional paranoid loon who can really make you wonder what goes wrong when it comes to some people's internal wiring.
(Please note that this sign is just a joke, based on the age-old question of a wife asking her husband, “Do you think I look fat in these pants?”)
I'm not talking about simple neuroses or personal issues; we all have those to deal with in our lives. I'm not talking about those who disagree with my opinions; that's your right, but I appreciate civility if you choose to voice your own opinions here. (A better option would be to voice them on your own blog—that way you can be as vociferous as you like.) I'm talking about those who seem to hate me, yet they just can't get enough of me. That Anon a while back who wrote as multiple people, leaving comments that disparaged me or Ken...but couldn't seem to stay away. I honestly don't get the point of such behavior. I don't like everything I read, but sometimes I read things that I really disagree with because it makes for good blog fodder—it gets me to think about larger issues and situations. (It can also be highly entertaining, although sometimes I feel I need to take a bleach bath to clean off the slime.) I certainly don't feel the need to lash out at someone on their own blog, and I definitely don't believe that they are speaking directly to me, unless they make it obvious by quoting something that I've written.
I like this quote from Jean Cocteau: “What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you.”
Sounds like good advice, Jean, but I'll modify it a little. I enjoy flattery—who doesn't? I believe I'll choose to consider the source of criticism. If it comes from those who I know care about me and consider me a friend, I'll understand that it is constructive criticism and that they have my best interests at heart, or simply disagree with something I am saying. If it comes from those who want nothing more than to hate on me, my life, my family, my opinions, or my integrity, I will know that I'm doing something exactly right, and I shall cultivate it.