A little paranoid, are we?

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

One of the hazards of blogging, one that any of us who have been at this for a while have experienced, is the strange phenomenon in which someone thinks you are writing specifically about them. It hasn't happened to me often, but I've gotten an occasional email from someone wondering if I was writing about them. They've always been friendly in tone, more apologetic than anything, wondering if something they had written in a comment had offended me. I'm always flummoxed when I get such responses, and I usually email them back with an emphatic "No, not at all!"

It's always a good lesson, though, to be reminded that sometimes things can be misconstrued to an extreme degree. I was exchanging emails with someone about this recently, a long-time blogger, and she wrote that it's been her experience that there is often an underlying feeling of guilt in such a situation; something we've written has struck a nerve in someone, and they believe that you were targeting them specifically. I doubt if that's true in all cases, but probably in some. Writing is the poorest form of communication (although I find it the most entertaining) because it takes away body language, tone of voice, and subtle innuendo. It's not always easy to express yourself in writing, and it can be a challenge to retain clarity while still getting your point across.

For the most part, I write about things in general terms, trying to look at the human condition rather than targeting a specific person. I'll write about people in the news, but I'm always specific when it comes to that. If I want to address someone in particular, I will usually send them an email or, rarely, leave an additional comment here. You won't see me dishing dirt about fellow bloggers here, mainly because I really don't operate that way. Everyone seems pretty cool and even-keeled here, at least as far as I can tell. After all, this isn't high school.

Of course, I suppose there might be a few flying under the radar that are raging paranoiacs or obsessives and believe that everything I write is somehow a special message just to them. All I can say to them is that it's not all about you. I've been pretty lucky in not attracting an inordinate amount of such people, knock on wood. (I hope I didn't just jinx myself.) I will break with protocol and send a special message to any of those types of people who happen to be reading: I hate to break it to you, but my life does not revolve around you, and chances are good that I am not writing about you. If you choose to continue to believe that I am doing so, your paranoia and obsession may be getting the better of you. (I’m also not the sole resident of South Bend. There are over 100,000 of us. Private joke.)

I do believe that the vast majority of instances in which someone thought I was writing about them were innocent misunderstandings. Perhaps I inadvertently and randomly hit upon something pertinent to their situation. (Sort of like Michael Scott spreading false rumors in "The Office," and accidentally hitting upon the true one, that Pam and Jim are having a baby. I love that show!) Such misunderstandings are easily rectified by sending me an email, and I will respond and reassure you that I did not have you in mind when I wrote whatever I wrote. For those who consistently believe that I am addressing them or their situation in particular, well...that seems a little egotistical to me. It's a safe bet that you do not hold such an important place in my life, and I'd also be willing to wager that it is wishful thinking on your part. Almost everyone I encounter here is reasonable and super-cool, and I consider most to be friends…but it's that occasional paranoid loon who can really make you wonder what goes wrong when it comes to some people's internal wiring.

(Please note that this sign is just a joke, based on the age-old question of a wife asking her husband, “Do you think I look fat in these pants?”)

I'm not talking about simple neuroses or personal issues; we all have those to deal with in our lives. I'm not talking about those who disagree with my opinions; that's your right, but I appreciate civility if you choose to voice your own opinions here. (A better option would be to voice them on your own blog—that way you can be as vociferous as you like.) I'm talking about those who seem to hate me, yet they just can't get enough of me. That Anon a while back who wrote as multiple people, leaving comments that disparaged me or Ken...but couldn't seem to stay away. I honestly don't get the point of such behavior. I don't like everything I read, but sometimes I read things that I really disagree with because it makes for good blog fodder—it gets me to think about larger issues and situations. (It can also be highly entertaining, although sometimes I feel I need to take a bleach bath to clean off the slime.) I certainly don't feel the need to lash out at someone on their own blog, and I definitely don't believe that they are speaking directly to me, unless they make it obvious by quoting something that I've written.

I like this quote from Jean Cocteau: “What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you.”

Sounds like good advice, Jean, but I'll modify it a little. I enjoy flattery—who doesn't? I believe I'll choose to consider the source of criticism. If it comes from those who I know care about me and consider me a friend, I'll understand that it is constructive criticism and that they have my best interests at heart, or simply disagree with something I am saying. If it comes from those who want nothing more than to hate on me, my life, my family, my opinions, or my integrity, I will know that I'm doing something exactly right, and I shall cultivate it.