Don’t even go there!

I don't know if you remember my recent family drama, in which someone told someone else something my Mom had said, blah blah blah. It's not even worth linking to that entry, because it's ultimately unimportant, and seems to have blown over.

However, I talked to my folks today (Mom has a nasty cold--please send her good thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery!) to wish them a happy Easter and just get caught up, and it seems that the "someone" in question is still trying to stir things up a bit. When I had talked to Mom last week, she said that no one was really planning anything for Easter. They have church stuff going on all day on Sunday, and they have a memorial service to go to on Saturday. She said it's probably for the best, since a couple of extended family members have some health issues, and I said that was cool with me, because Ken has to work both days, anyway. It was really no big deal--we don't feel we have to do an Easter thing, and we'll all get together before too long, when things seem to settle down for everyone. Everything was cool.

Well, when Mom was talking to this someone the other day, it was mentioned that we weren't doing anything for Easter, we'd wait to get together when things settled down, and Mom said, "Besides, Beth Anne and Ken can't come anyway." (Although if we'd had a get-together, I would have gone without Ken and brought him a plate home.) This someone said to my Mom, "Are you telling me that you aren't planning something because Beth and Ken can't come?!" Not exactly angry or mean, but just sort of getting after Mom because the someone thought that Mom and Dad weren't planning something just because we couldn't attend.

I told Mom today, no no no. It was kind of a combination of several things, and Ken not being able to come was just an extra thing. We both referenced our previous conversation, and agreed that it was just sort of how everything worked out, and it wasn't just because of me and Ken.

I've said before that I'm very protective of my Mom and Dad. They're adults, and can take care of themselves, obviously, but if I think someone is being hurtful to them, I won't hesitate to say, "It's go-time, Skippy!" That won't be necessary here, because it's not a big deal, and no one is going to try to make it a big deal. However, as protective as I am of my folks, I guarantee that they are ten times more protective of their three girls. What this person probably doesn't realize is that they have crossed a line. Today my Mom told me, "So-and-so [AKA Someone] is working people, don't think I don't know it." When I asked what she meant, she said, "Trying to get whatever they can out of people. Your Dad and I are done."

I have thought in the past that this person was being a tad too ingratiating with my folks, but it was never bad enough for me to say anything. My folks are smart cookies, though, and I believe they have seen that now for themselves. I don't doubt that this person loves them and values them, but something always seemed a little "off" to me in their dealings with my folks, and things that they said to them just seemed a little too close to toadying. I couldn't put my finger on anything if I had to, but I sensed it, and it seems that my folks have now, too. In trying to stir up a little trouble between my folks and the family member in the last "drama" and now saying something a little against me--no matter how slight--they have gone a step too far with Mom and Dad.

Manipulative behavior is never attractive. Beyond our own little family saga I've written about here, I've seen it in others, and I always find it a somewhat pathetic. It's as if the person doesn't know how to get what they want through work, or education, or effort, so they resort to using manipulation of others in order to get what they want. We all use our natural talents to deal with people, and learn how to charm and disarm. If our actions garner a positive response, that reinforces our good behavior and we also learn what doesn't work. (That's the plan, anyway. Some never learn that certain behaviors don't work, and can even turn people off. Those are the people who, when they leave, usually result in you asking the person next to you, "Jeez, what's their problem?") Manipulation is different, though. It can involve looks, money, power, threats and ultimatums, or influence, but it almost always involves exaggerations and falsehoods. A person who is on the ball will recognize it and not fall for it.

The lesson to be learned here is: Don't suck up. It's always obvious. And don't try to stir up family drama, because it will only hurt you in the end.