Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Who really does this stuff?

I got some deck time in today before the clouds rolled in, and all limbs are intact after dealing with Mr. Lounge Chair. He seems to be a little tamer now, after being beaten into submission two days in a row. Hey, torture does work! At least when it comes to lounge chairs, rather than human beings.

We also scoped out the available apartments at the complex and called Ken's Mom to get her input, then put down a deposit and got their new address! She loved the pictures we sent, and is apparently very preoccupied with trying to figure out how she wants to arrange things. Ken just got off the phone with her and she said she only got about four hours of sleep last night because she was arranging furniture in her head. Bless her heart! I told Ken that I hope she doesn't stress over this, but it does show that she's excited about the move and ready to be up here. I'm so glad we found a place that we believe they'll enjoy.

When we were looking at one of the buildings, an older lady in the facing building poked her head out the door and asked if we were looking to rent, and did we want to see her place? We explained that we had already seen the inside, and were just checking the building locations. She said something about the robin that was in her yard, that she was nesting, and as we thanked her and walked away, we could hear her talking to the robin! I was taking notes on the buildings, and I noted: "nice front yard, nice neighbor." I can totally see Ken's Mom and stepdad making friends with this nice lady!

Girls Night In As I was sitting out on the deck today, I was reading a Woman's Day magazine. There was a blurb in there about how to have a great girls' night in. As I was reading it, I thought, seriously? Who does this junk? Here are the suggestions for this exciting little slumber party for "big girls," with my commentary in…let’s go with maroon.

Have everyone bring preplanned ingredients, then divide into two teams and have a cook-off.

That's actually not a bad idea, and I can see how that would be fun, especially if you channeled the Iron Chef, spoke fake Japanese, and dramatically bit into a pepper or an apple.

Stock up on celebrity magazines so you can pore over the pages and debate who's sexier: Brad Pitt or George Clooney.

What the hell? First of all, everyone knows it's George Clooney. Secondly, I'm a little too long in the tooth to be pulling the Tiger Beat shtick. The thought of me and my friends getting together and swooning over celebrity magazines makes me laugh.

Grab a hairbrush for a microphone and belt out your favorite songs karaoke-style.

What the hell? No, this deserves a what the f***?! The day my friends hear me belt out a song into a hairbrush microphone is the day I lose all my friends. I care about them too much to ever subject them to such a horror.

Once in your pj's, play a few rounds of Truth or Dare, then pull out the board games. Revisit classics like Clue, Life, Trivial Pursuit, and Monopoly.

Yeah, I really want to play Truth or Dare with my friends. Since when did junior high become fun again? And what are the dares going to be? Laugh uncontrollably without peeing a little bit? Smile without showing your laugh lines? Would we all do facial masks and put makeup on each other? How is that fun for anyone my age?

You know, I love my friends, and they're wonderful and smart women, but I really don't want to have a sleepover with them. I enjoy meeting up with them, talking about what is happening with us and around the world, but do I really want to snuggle up in my jammies with them, pull a Waltons and say "Good night, Jillian. Good night, Aubrey?" No, I do not. I suspect my friends would not enjoy such a thing either, and I suppose that's why I like them as friends.

Good grief. That was the silliest thing thing I've read in a while, and thanks a lot, Woman's Day, for publishing such nonsense. I can't blame it on the magazine, because they merely published a short segment from a book called Girls Getaway Guide by Casey Wohl. I don't know what planet Wohl is living on...I definitely love a good laugh, but my days of giggly girlhood are long behind me. Besides, they didn't mention anything about alcohol. Get real!

21 comments:

  1. I'de heave to be really drunk to enjoy that. And then, anything goes!

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  2. Wait! Where's the Ouija board?!!!!

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  3. DO NOT EVER SING INTO A HAIRBRUSH, PLEASE :o)

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  4. Stock up on celebrity magazines so you can pore over the pages and debate who's sexier: Brad Pitt or George Clooney.

    Honestly, women don't have debates over stuff
    like this?

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  5. This made me chuckle out loud, Beth! Your indignation at the contrived nature of Wohl's "instruction manual" is audible! :)

    I used to do amateur dramatics ("community theater", I think it's called in the US) and this reminds me of a pantomime we did for kids. The script included meticulously written "corpsing", which is when the players get the giggles on stage, and freeze.. trying to hold character. It spreads across the stage and into the audience. When it happens spontaneously it's magical. But it just can't be scripted.

    The only ingredient for an evening of hilarity is good, like-minded friends. Anyone who has those will never need Wohl's book! :)

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  6. Yeah, no. The only way I sleep at someone's house other than my own is if I'm too drunk to drive and that doesn't happen often. When it does, I usually stay up till I'm good to drive and then go home. I like waking up in my own bed, in my own house, with my own stuff. It's cool to hang out for hours on end, even to the wee hours of the morning, if everyone is enjoying themselves but sleep at your own damn house or bring a tent. ;)
    Love,
    Jamie

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  7. That's hilarious. They must have meant that as an economical way for a bunch of gals to have some fun (?!?) Of course the whole affair would have to take place at the home of whoever is single because no married guy is going to check into a motel for a night so his wifey could have a sleep over with her girlfriends. I've actually gone to the beach for 2 or 3 nights with a bunch of gal friends but that was the beach and we stayed in a lovely condo and did a lot of eating & shopping. And at the time we were all single (divorced.) It was fun but let's see what was that old song? Oh I remember ~ "Those Wedding Bells Are Breaking Up That Old Gang of Mine." Linda in WA

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  8. They forgot the part about passing around the vodka bottle. THEN it might be fun! Actually, I'm older than you are, thus even more likely to get that hurling feeling over potential participation in such ridiculousness. But I'm glad your in-law's housing issue is solved. Hooray!

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  9. I'm so glad that the apartment hunt is over:) I agree with you I'm a little too old for a girly slumber party.

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  10. Was this Woman's Day from 1957?

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  11. What the magazine did not mention any booze????

    I'm all for getting together with the girls. I do it once a week, however, no sleepovers!

    Hugs, Rose

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  12. I have girls night with 2 of my best girls...we never do stuff like that. On the contrary, one always bails on us, but we expect that, so that leaves 2 of us and we're always together, so whats different about that! A couple of years ago I went to a sleep over with a bunch of women, and they all got drunk so I went home. Maybe when we were 10 but now that we're women, notsomuch!

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  13. Glad to hear the lounge chair didn't hurt you!!!

    Dirk
    THE FIRST AMENDMENT, NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT II
    http://tsalagiman2.blogspot.com/

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  14. Thanks for the smiles, Beth. My suggestion re: celeb mags? Instead of debating who is the king of sexy, instead tear those useless celebretantes to shreds; their stupid outfits, ridiculous entourages, incredibly limited intellect, and of course, their inane and hilarious quotes.

    My wife and one of her friends have fun doing this when they are together - they've found some priceless gems that still are with us in our daily use, YEARS after their initial ribbing. Example: Britney Spears was calling herself the next queen of pop and rock and all this crap, calling out for all the older stars to step aside.....so what happens?

    Cher releases a wicked hit song and then, live on stage says to all of them - 'Follow this, you b**tches!'

    To this day, whenever any of us do something spectacular, we say.....FOLLOW THIS, YOU B**TCHES!!!!

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  15. Here are the possibilities:
    1-Your husband is the state's biggest mommy and daddy's boy.
    2-His parents are old and feeble and are unable to find their own home.
    3-They are country folk who aren't sophisticated enough to come out, rent a motel room, rent a car, and home hunt.
    4-They're stupid and can't figure anything out.
    5-They're poor and can't afford any extra expense, so they have you and Ken do everything.
    6-The in-laws's are lazy.

    One of these reasons has to explain why you are finding a home for them.

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  16. woohooo beth.my my havent we got a right bitch for a troll.sad thing is,it aint funny,it aint clever,and it reeks of spite and bile.now,who lives in a house like that??lol.oh well.i bet you cut to the quick,lots of love mort. xxx

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  17. Re: "Jolene" - Is it possible for you to simply permanently ban him/her? Do you suppose "Jolene" believes he/she is funny? I almost feel sorry for someone who finds comments like this one funny, and that they feel you're going to be particularly upset about the words of someone who is clearly bored and friendless. I'm sure the rest of us would commend you for doing this favor for your in-laws. I know I do...I've been there myself. Gee, I wonder what "Jolene" is going to do for his/her poor mother on Mothers' Day.

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  18. I had a great laugh over this entry. My daughter and several of her friends (who have pre-teen daughters) did this very thing with the girls a few weeks ago. They did makeup and dressed up, played games, made homemade pizza and cookies. The girls are still talking about it and the mom's had a blast. Now, doing it without the kids...not so much.
    Hugs, Joyce

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  19. many women's mags are now available for about $5 or $10 a year for a subscription and that article is one reason why. Those fluff fill articles are a waste of ink, paper and our time. That is why i love men's mags....i find what they write may not tell me about what to do about monthly bloat or hormonal thoughts and actions but just last week i read in MAXIM how to kill and roast an entire pig. Bet you won't find that in Good Housekeeping AND in that article it included real life step by step instructions that were hilarious!!
    I think it is AWESOME that you and Ken care so much and try to help your inlaws. God bless you all.

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  20. Huh? Last I checked those were the kind of things you did when you were 12-13...thinking in todays terms I think it might even be kind of immature for kids that age these days.

    And as for Clooney or Pitt, gotta say with movies like "Legends of the Fall" and "A River Flows Through It" - Pitt.

    Sound like Kens mom is really looking forward to the move. (Hugs)Indigo

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  21. We often have girls nights in...lo baiscally a take away and a few bottles of wine and a DVD..loads of gossip and laughter.


    Yasmin
    xx

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I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?