Friday, June 5, 2009

A good day gone horribly wrong

Where to begin?

The beginning, I guess.

An enjoyable morning was followed by a trip to Lowe's. Three cartloads later, we were on our way home. Lumber for the garden beds, composted manure, concrete blocks for Ken's Mom, and a new patio table and chairs for us (the wooden one is rotting). We were relaxing at home for a few minutes before heading up to Ken's Mom's place, when the phone rang.

It was a family member, and she had a bombshell for me. "I need moral support," she said. She'd found out her husband is having an affair.

I was in shock. I got a few details, but that didn't lessen my shock at all. Another family member was coming over to see her, but not for a couple of hours, since she was working today. I didn't want her to be alone, so after I got off the phone, I headed out. Ken said, "Be careful. Set your cruise control." Good advice, and I managed to make it there without incident, although the massive adrenaline rush was bad enough.

Angry catI'll try to make a long story short. Surprising charges on the cell phone bill cause this family member to question the charges. When getting into the account, she found over 20 pages of texts and calls to a particular number. When she confronted her husband, he said it was platonic, he was trying to be a friend to this younger woman. He said he wanted their marriage to continue, and he promised to break it off. When my family member (heretofore known as FM) got back from a walk, he said the "friendship" was over. However, FM was able to check some of his emails later, and he'd sent another email to the broad saying that they'd have to lay low for a while, but this wasn't over, he wasn't giving her up.

[pause for me to unleash a mouthful of profanity—I probably looked like angry kitty above]

I got to read some of these emails, and it almost made me sick. I was shaking with anger. All I'll say is that someone has some major issues and needs to see a shrink.

Fast forward a couple of hours, and the bastard gets home from work. Surprise, surprise, looks who's there: ME. When confronted with the follow-up email (the one about laying low for a while), this exchange took place:

Bastard (to FM): Why don't we talk about the things you've said to ME lately?

Me: DUDE, don't EVEN go there.

Bastard (to me): As far as I'm concerned, you're not welcome in this house.

Me: I think my FM might have something to say about that.

Bastard (to me): Let's talk about MARK. [That would be my ex-husband...the one I divorced twenty fucking years ago. I've moved on, dumbass...maybe you should, too, and get some new material.]

Me (laughing): Sure! What do you want to know?

FM: She's not here to argue with you, she's here for moral support for ME.

Oh. My. God. His complete and utter arrogance as he sat there with no remorse whatsoever; his attacks on FM, and then on me for supporting her; his initial refusal to leave...he actually asked, "I own half of this house. Why should I be the one to leave?" I laughed at that point, because I could not believe he had the NERVE to ask that! FM stepped up to the plate and hit it out of the park: "Because you're the one who betrayed the marriage under this roof." BOO-yah!

Angry soup I was starting to wonder if I was going to have to call the sheriff, but he eventually agreed to leave. FM and I discussed things some more, she called other FM's, and then the FM who was working came over after she got off work. A locksmith is coming over tomorrow to change the locks, Ken and I advised her to protect herself financially so she is going to the bank tomorrow, and from there...? I guess it will be one day at a time. It will be totally up to her if she wants to try to work things out and continue this marriage, and I told her that I would support her no matter what she decides. It's all very raw right now, but she rightfully feels that she can't trust him one bit. He said it was over, but then sent the broad an email saying that he would never give her up.

I can honestly say that I never want to see that bastard's face again, and I want nothing to do with him. Ken was almost angrier than I was, and it's probably a good thing that he wasn't there. That could have gotten ugly, because Ken wanted to tear him a new one after I told him what had transpired.

I am absolutely sick at heart, and I ache for my FM. Today is also the first time in a long time that I have seriously craved a cigarette. I didn't act on it, of course, but it was pretty intense for a few moments. It's a rare thing for me to want to do bodily harm upon anyone, but I honestly wish I had the ability to beat this guy to a quivering mass of bloody protoplasm. I'm exhausted, and I hope I can shut down my racing mind tonight. Tomorrow will be a day spent here at home, and I told Ken, “I need a Nutwood day.” I need to regain my equilibrium. I'm still horribly angry, although I've gone from being filled with rage to a numb disgust.

I'm also very thankful for Ken.


  1. Wow. To be in the room with him and not hit him? I don't know that I would've had your self control. You know what I've been through lately (not with my husband for those reading) and I would've hit the bitch if I had been face to face, no doubt. And I know what you mean about being thankful. It's so nice to have that person to come home to that you can unload upon and have hug you and share your feelings. I'd go nuts if I didn't have Shawn there for me. He may be a pain in the ass but he's MY pain in the ass. ;) I hope your FM is... well there's not much to say. I hope she heals quickly and his dick shrivels up and falls off and that it's painful. Very painful. Idiots. Cheaters get caught and then act like it's not their fault. Grrrr, now I'm a little angry. Try to get some relaxation tomorrow. It's supposed to be a nice day.

  2. I think I said I would have grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and his belt and tossed him on the lawn. Next edition of Encyclopedia Britanica will have his picture next to "Assbag".

  3. Hi Beth,
    Yikes, what a horrible ordeal for FM, and she's lucky to have you for moral support. I hope she has copies of all these e-mails in case her lawyer needs them. "Mr. FM" sounds like a scum bag of the first order.

  4. i am gonna be near gary this weekened-- want me to kneecap the asshat?

    i dont get infidelity. to me it is not only a complete lack of self control, it is sooooooooooo disrespectful. why take marriage vows? what's the point of making a covenant and then breaking it?

    i dont know why they think they can get away with it and it makes me sick to think of the pain this jerk has caused your family member.


  5. Ok, you were my first blog check of the morning. WOW. (takes large swig of coffee) All that arrogance is probably coming from outsized insecurities(which may have helped him into the affair with the younger, rapt woman-not that it is an excuse for his behavior), & from GUILT. She was lucky to have you there last night.

    I think your emotional feelings are quite justified, since it seems to be a close family member, someone you love. I can tell you appreciate Ken all the time, but I also get how this would add to that appreciation.~Mary

  6. Sounds horribly familiar. What is wrong with these men that they think they don't leave breadcrumbs? Cellphone bills have tripped up many a cheating man! My prayers are with your FM and please, feel free to give her my email address if she needs some "been there, done that, bought the tshirt" advice. I will say that my faith and the love and support of family and friends is ALL that got me through. She will have a lot of moments of indecision ahead. She may even be tempted to take him back. It's sometimes easier to deal with the devil you know than face the devil you don't.
    Prayers and hugs!

  7. Now, I am not a violent man, but to listen to a cheater try to turn the tables would have been a wee bit too much.
    I completely understand that people can fall out of love with a partner or spouse, but, you know, why not be the bigger person and tell them how you feel, instead of running off for a pice of ass. Maybe then you could have an easy breakup; maybe then you won't hurt the person you once loved.
    Maybe then you'd be a human being.

  8. That's such a terrible situation. As you know hubby's friend is having one too with an old girlfriend from 20+ years ago. He says he's "In LOVE WITH HER"..... Hubby told me he would love to beat the crap out of him too. The first night he talked to him about it...hubby said the whole time he was talking he just wanted to hit him sooooooooo bad.

    Keep us posted about this situation, & I'm praying for your FM.

  9. Oh Beth what a terrible situation ~ Keeping your FM in my thoughts and prayers ~ Ally x

  10. Oh, what a tangled web we weave....

  11. Sorry about your FM, Beth. I know exactly how she is hurting. And ditto what "Bob" said.

  12. Oh, brother, I know that hurt! Although my situation ended somewhat differently, I still remember that initial ache. My best wishes to your FM.

  13. I feel for your family member. It is going to be a tough time for all. This is just the beginning so stay strong.

  14. Oh honey ... I would have cut a bitch. And then peed in the open wound...

    You are such a good person for being there for your FM.


  15. Having just helped a friend with a separation agreement, I was confronted with how difficult these things are and all the emotional baggage that they entail. It was my friend who had the affair and realized that she wanted out of the marriage. Her husband wants a reconciliation. He says that he loves her and forgives her. It's impossible to predict how these emotional upheavals will resolve themselves. You are there for your FM, and that's what's important. She'll have to figure out what she ultimately wants to do.

  16. I feel terrible for your FM. Experience has taught me if they're going to cheat nothing is going to derail that train. More often than not they will do it again.

    The guy betrayed not only trust but love. Foolish is thinking you'll never get caught.
    I don't think I would of been so calm under the circumstances. I'm glad you were there for your FM. (Hugs)Indigo

  17. Offering my deepest sympathy for FM.

    What a coward, trying to reach at straws to defect attention from his treachery.

    I think that it is super great for you and Ken to be there right now, in full support for FM.

  18. oh no...bless the family member's heart for going thru this. It is like a death. Everything is fine one minute and the next it is a nightmare. It is such a shock and the mental stuff you go thru is horrible. I've been married before and been thru it.

  19. Tell FM to follow her instincts not her ego in order to determine if the marriage can be saved. And, kudos to Ken for not ripping Bastard's head off and using it as a bowling ball. I'm sure that took some serious restraint.

  20. Difficult situation, especially if a close relative is involved. According to my experience most men are cowards when confronted with a situation like that and try to blame their partners for their own infidelity! Wish you and FM all the best. Ciao. A.

  21. This is why I don't understand why my co-gays are so anxious for the right to marry. Infidelity is painful enough, but when it's occurred after public vows that you are "foresaking all others," it's a nightmare.
    That said, why do so many people make agreements they can't keep? Especially men.

  22. Ok I'm giving you a HUGE and I mean HUGE (((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))) you can pass that on to your FM too if you want. Hugs speak a thousand words in a thousand languages don't you think? Let it be known I feel for your friend deeply as I do you and Ken. I wish I had someone like you and Ken here for me when things go badly. Teresa

  23. You always have a lot of compassion for others and are a good friend and i know you will bring peace to your FM that has been betrayed. I am glad you were able to be there for her....and i am really really sorry she has had this happen to her. XO

  24. Can't understand why some men want one at home and one on the side!! Why get married!! I hope your FM is doing well... haven't read the update. I really hope she's more angry, then hurt... that'd really help!!


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